There were 354 spoof news snippets published in October 2012. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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Third Grade Teacher Overrules Company's Spelling

SHELBY, MT--Ms. Torbitt doesn't care where 9-year-old Chris Spacer's dad works, 'Wearhouse' is not the correct spelling.

written by rvler9201, 16 October 2012
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Woman wondering if that's an extra period or unfinished ellipsis

BROOKLINE, MA--Amy Tripwaller wasn't sure if her friend's text, 'That made my day..see you tonight' contained a two dot ellipsis or an extra period, but she wasn't about to ask, either.

written by rvler9201, 10 October 2012
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Yvette Cooper: Cameron Weak On Crime!

Well he is a nepotist!

written by Inchcock, 05 October 2012
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London mansion on offer for £300million!

The 45-bedroom seven-storey house overlooking Hyde Park is being discreetly offered to a select list of international billionaires.

"Please don't contact me, I'm content in me two-up two-down hovel!"

written by Inchcock, 02 October 2012
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David Cameron visits Wormwood Scrubs

"Oh what a missed opportunity to lose the keys...!"

written by Inchcock, 24 October 2012
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Rolling Stones London gigs sell out in three minutes.

I couldn't get no satisfaction!

written by radiogagger, 20 October 2012
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OAPs to be means-tested for bus passes!

Tory Cabinet Minister Liam Fox called for "radical" cuts in the country's welfare budget to help fund a series of tax reductions for businesses.

"Come on then... start with me!"

written by Inchcock, 30 October 2012
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Some two dozen topless women protested in New York!

24 topless women protested in a New York on a hot, Sunday: What they called "National Go-Topless Day" to draw attention to inequality in topless rights between men and women.

"Damn, I missed it!"

written by Inchcock, 01 October 2012
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Does Britain Need Police Commissioners?

"No, it but it badly needs Police Officers!"

written by Inchcock, 23 October 2012
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Cameron: Charities to keep lags out of prison

He says: Companies will only be paid by results.

The Government ministers should get the same treatment!

written by Inchcock, 23 October 2012
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They Think Its All Over!

Statistics says the UK is finally out of recession after a 1% growth in GDP over the last 3 months.
David Cameron today ordered everyone to have a street party - with no red tape, but lots of bunting

written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
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Boris Johnson: Keeping People Employed

Boris Johnson is to be congratulated for keeping the emergency services well employed after being rescued from a zip wire over the Thames to launch poppy appeal.

written by IN SEINE, 30 October 2012
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Al Qaeda Much Older Than Previously Thought

Historians have found secret documents which clearly show that the gunpowder plot was actually the work of Al Qaeda leader Guy Fawkes who was the great-great-grandfather of Osama bin Laden.

written by IN SEINE, 31 October 2012
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Star Sign

I asked a friend what sign she was conceived under. She said that she was conceived under a no parking sign in a car park in Milton Keynes.

written by IN SEINE, 06 October 2012
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A Penny For Your Thoughts And A Pound For Your Pants

Mums are now the main bread winners in 25% of British homes. On a different note prostitution is on the rise all over England.

written by Backandtotheleft, 11 October 2012
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European Union Win Nobel Peace Prize

… This proves that the judges in Finland have a sense of humour!

written by IN SEINE, 13 October 2012
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Maine still boring despite the prostitutes

Kennebunkport thought it was the only Maine town with some excitement since it's the summer home to George H.W. Bush. But it can't hold a candle to neighboring Kennebunk--they have prostitutes!

written by Lyndon, 14 October 2012
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Met Police to sell iconic Scotland Yard building to save money

They could always move into the Olympic Stadium.
Its currently empty and all paid for.

written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
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Woman from France receives €11,721,000,000,000,000 phone bill

I bet she was calling her sister again.

written by radiogagger, 12 October 2012
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Nike ends sponsorship with Lance Armstrong

In a way, they're partly responsible for the whole shenanigans - with a catchphrase like 'Just Do It'

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Tory MP Andrew Mitchell resigns as Chief Whip

Know known as Chief Drip.

written by radiogagger, 19 October 2012
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David Cameron visits Wormwood Scrubs

Perhaps he went on a visit to see his ex MPs and other cheating friends?

written by Inchcock, 23 October 2012
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Alaska fisherman survives 26 hours floating in fish crate!

Ryan Harris 19, survived for a day floating on frigid ocean waters in a plastic fish crate after his boat sank and said he kept up his spirits by singing Row row row the boat!

Good for him!

written by Inchcock, 02 October 2012
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Charity to change name after bad publicity.

Following bad publicity, the Lance Armstrong Foundation is to be renamed The Jimmy Saville Foundation. Coincidentally the Jimmy Saville Foundation is to be renamed the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

written by radiogagger, 12 October 2012
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Real or Simulated World Test

Scientists announced today that they have devised a test which can tell you if you are living in a real or a simulated world. 100% of politicians have failed which proves their test is correct!

written by IN SEINE, 26 October 2012
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Scientists discover 86 year old nymphomaniac called Volga Olga!

Scientists have discovered a Russian 86 year old nymphomaniac called Volga Olga in a Siberian forest! She is the oldest nympho in the world and has no intention of retiring; just yet!

written by Jaggedone, 29 October 2012
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Footage of world's first colour film rediscovered

They may be a little low-res for today's film aficionados used to 3-D technology and HDTV but these images show the pioneering work that paved the way for modern cinematography.

Metro

written by Inchcock, 02 October 2012
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Boris V Cameron

Boris Johnson said he might make a better PM that Cameron. Right now a dead squirrel on a stick would be a better PM than Cameron.

written by Backandtotheleft, 08 October 2012
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Vinnie Jones; hard with his Russians and soft with his missus!

Hard-man,Vinnie Jones, has been caught having a "hard" time with Russian beauties and his wife kicked him out. Vinnie has promised to become soft because a divorce can be expensive and very "hard"!

written by Jaggedone, 16 October 2012
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German Twitter bans German Nazi "twits"!

Twitter in Germany have banned Nazis from spreading their evil messages in Germany, but Twitter global have not! So hold on to you tin helmets; Made in Germany can still Blitzkrieg you!

written by Jaggedone, 18 October 2012
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Topless Ukrainian women have the front to bare it all!

Topless womens rights protestors in Kiev have proven that Ukrainian women are not just sex toys for their men because they have the "bare necessities" and now they've got it off of their chests!

written by Jaggedone, 24 October 2012
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Pakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races

Its all Angry Bird nowadays.

written by radiogagger, 12 October 2012
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Jaquie Smith guest on Sky News Press Preview

I imagine her husband was sitting at home watching a 'DVD'. Just this time, not on expenses...

written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
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IKEA apologize for removing women from Saudi Arabia catalogue

They're still available in the underground, late night, street corner, version of the catalogue though.

written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
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Man Discovers Way of Making Fortune Out Of Electricity Company

A man took up the offer of £10 discount on his bill for every new customer he referred to them. In just days he has managed to accrue 600 new customers meaning the electric supplier owe him £6,000.

written by IN SEINE, 30 October 2012
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Google advert on comedy website leads to confusion.

Mr Danton of Cambridge Heath was disappointed today when he realized the advert for 'Date 50+ women' was in fact for women aged over 50, not 50 different women.

written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
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Ally McCoist says fans should allowed to invest in Rangers

Yeah, because it worked out so well for the last investors...

written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
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Disney buy rights to next George Lucas films

Coming Soon - Mickey Mouse, Goofy and Pluto in Space...

written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
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Man claims groupon is a rip-off

"I ordered a Thai bride from Groupon, and when she arrived she looked nothing like the girl in the picture!"

written by radiogagger, 08 October 2012
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What Boris Really Means When He Called David Cameron a Broom

London Mayor, Boris Johnson called David Cameron a broom saying that he sweeps up Labour's mess. What he really means is that David Cameron is related to Basil Brush… BROOM BROOM!

written by IN SEINE, 09 October 2012
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Man Discovers Way of Making Fortune Out Of Electricity Company

A man took up the offer of £10 discount on his bill for every new customer he referred to them. In just days he has managed to accrue 600 new customers meaning the electric supplier owe him £6,000.

written by IN SEINE, 30 October 2012
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David Blaine Charged!

Stuntman, David Blaine has been charged for not paying the electricity bill for having 1 million faults surround his body for 72 hours. Was it all worth it?

written by IN SEINE, 09 October 2012
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Best name for a wireless network

The names on WiFi routers can be changed, although most don't bother. During a routine check, police in Poole found an unprotected router the owner claimed had never been hacked, its name? Honey Trap.

written by IainB, 09 October 2012
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Bad Habit?

A woman dressed as a nun was caught on CCTV in a shop in America stealing several cans of beer and hiding them in her robes. She is thought to be a habitual thief.

written by IN SEINE, 10 October 2012
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Police fail to deal with suspected break-in at HM Treasury

A suspected break-in at HM Treasury could not be dealt with by the police because because it took 10 police officers to separate 2 cats fighting and the back of number 10! Taxpayers will pay the bill

written by IN SEINE, 17 October 2012
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Illegal Immigrant Trying to Enter Spain Disguised As Car Seat

An illegal immigrant tried to enter Spain disguised as a car seat. He had to give himself up when the 22 stone woman sitting on him, FARTED. However, DFS are interested in employing him in their adverts.

written by IN SEINE, 01 October 2012
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Government to Ban Import of Ashtrays

As from Monday, the UK government will be banning the import of ash trays.

written by IN SEINE, 25 October 2012
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Mistaken Report

InSeine News wrongly reported that the UK government will be banning the import of ash trays. The Forestry Commission have pointed out that it should read ASH TREES .

written by IN SEINE, 26 October 2012
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Music Graduate Gets Job As Human Scarecrow

A music graduate from Norfolk has got a job as a human scarecrow. The big problem is that he is often mistaken as London mayor, Boris Johnson.

written by IN SEINE, 07 October 2012
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David Cameron joins Twitter.

Just two years after telling a radio interview that too many tweets make a tw*t.

written by radiogagger, 08 October 2012
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Rihanna offers to babysit Snooki's baby

What could possibly go wrong?

written by radiogagger, 08 October 2012
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Lady Gaga wears witch outfit to visit Julian Assange in Ecudorian Embassy

Perhaps she got a fancy dress party invitation from Julian Clary and the apple maps app sent her to the wrong place?

written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
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Boris Johnson calls David Cameron a 'broom'

He told delegates at the Tory Conference that Cameron is sweeping up Labours mess.

Sweeping up the mess - manual labour - don't Tories hire plebs to do that for them?

written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
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Social workers slam Eastenders storyline

Only 27 years late!

written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
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MP calls for inquiry into Newcastle United sponsorship

Ian Lavery, MP for Wansbeck asks the Football Association to investigate Radio DJ Terry Wonga Pay Day Loans sponsoring Newcastle United.

written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
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Justin Lee Collins found not funny.

He's been ordered to doo 140 hours writing to improve his material.

written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
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A Coast Call

A tourist who dropped his I-Phone between rocks at the beach rang the Coastguard. Didn't realize voice activated control was so advanced.

written by Backandtotheleft, 09 October 2012
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Football Association unveil Centre of Excellence

The FA decided to go with the name Centre of Excellence rather than the first choice name Centre of Averageness.

written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
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French Woman receives €11,721,000,000,000,000 phone bill

The telecom company have admitted it was a mis-print.
President Hollande has sent her a super tax 75% bill, just in case.

written by radiogagger, 12 October 2012
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Poland v England match rained off.

I thought the rain stayed mainly in Spain! (or Ukraine)

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Frankie Boyle sues the Daily Mirror after they called him racist

Rancid maybe, but not racist.

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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European Union wins Nobel Peace Prize

Narrowly pipping The Womens Union and the African Cup of Nations.
The Open Top bus tour has been planned for next monday.

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Andrew Mitchell gets new Parliament nickname

After his 'plebgate' gaff, the Tory Chief Whip is now known as the Chief Drip.

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Heather Watson first Brit to win Womens Tennis title in 24 years!

She's doing so well, she can now afford to give up her part-time work as a Jessica Ennis lookalike...

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Website offers advice on translating texts from men

"hmmmm ok, whatever"
Do your best website!

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Government bars release of Prince Charles letters

I think Charlie was embarrassed they were all written in green ink.

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson abandon plans for Bottom revival

The Bottom revival has gone Bottoms up.

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Sky TV bills used to nab benefit cheats

A woman claiming to live alone with kids caught out by sports package. She admitted it was all lies when asked to explain the offside system.

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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Gary McKinnon avoids extradition to US for hacking case

Rumours that he hacked into the computer of Theresa Mays speech and policy writer have been hushed up, I mean played down.

written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
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John Terry won't appeal against ban

The Chelsea captain will use the time away from the game to answer Nick Griffin's call to protest the home of a gay couple who won damages from a guest house who had refused them a double bed.

written by John_L, 19 October 2012
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Team GB Bronze medals stolen from nightclub

Police investigating the theft of two Team GB Olympic bronze Medals have made an arrest.
A spokesman for Lance Armstrong has denied any involvement.

written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
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Obama becomes first President in history to vote in advance of election day

Well at least SOMEONES made their mind up!

written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
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Audrey Harrison decides not to quit boxing

"83 seconds of work every few months? Whats not to like!"

written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
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Lady Gaga wears THAT Liz Hurley dress

In an exchange deal, Hurley will now try on Gaga's bacon dress for size...

written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
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Aussie tv programme follows student selling her virginity

The Brazilian student eventually sold her soul, sorry virginity for $780,000 to a Japanese man after a bidding war.
A year earlier she could have got double that from Jimmy Savile.

written by radiogagger, 26 October 2012
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Frankenstorm approaches land

President Obama mobilizes contingency plans that President Romney would cut.

written by John_L, 28 October 2012
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Americans prepare for natural disaster Mitt

The economic and foreign policy calamities that Mitt will cause could last for decades.

written by John_L, 29 October 2012
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Phew, that was close.

Frankenstein's monster tops Halloween Poll, entire coalition came a close second!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 29 October 2012
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Afghan headbangers in Kabul headbang it!

A heavy metal concert in Kabul has proven that Afghan headbangers can do it as good as the rest of the world; only the miserable Taliban refused to participate because of their turbans!

written by Jaggedone, 04 October 2012
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Deutsche Dominatrix, Dirty Dagmar, dies whipping!

Dirty Dagmar, infamous German dominatrix, has died whipping the hell out of the previous world whipping record and has been entered into the Guiness book of records as "Chief Whip"!

written by Jaggedone, 30 October 2012
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Chavez vows to honor any favorable election results

Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez Frias promised to honor the results of this weekend's election, regardless of the results, provided that the results showed him to be the victor.

written by Lyndon, 07 October 2012
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Ilfracombe Is to Be Twinned with New York

New York is to be twinned with Ilfracombe in Devon after it was gifted with a statue called Verity (who just happens to be a 65ft tall bronze figure of a naked and pregnant women, carrying a sword!)

written by IN SEINE, 08 October 2012
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Savile Row Shock at BBC

Savile Row trousers found smeared with semen at BBC canteen!

written by j.w., 10 October 2012
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When Irish eyes are smiling it must be those Oil billions!

Irish eyes are smiling once again after it was confirmed that billions of barrels of oil have been found there! The US have sent their troops in to secure the fields just in case the Brits invade!

written by Jaggedone, 10 October 2012
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Lance Armstrong did it, but now prove it!

Lance Armstrong did it, in fact he's admitted it, but now prove it!! Therefore he remains innocent just like O.J.Simpson was proven innocent, so who really gives a f++k!

written by Jaggedone, 11 October 2012
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Conservative Central Office Supports Andrew Mitchell

'Andrew Mitchell meant no offence,' said a Party spokesman. 'The word "Pleb" derives from Latin. He honestly believed that those state school Neanderthals would never understand what he was saying.'

written by Swan Morrison, 12 October 2012
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Romney attempts to woo Transgendered voters

GOP candidate Mitt Romney used last nights debate to reach out to Trans Men. However Trans groups were dismayed that he called them Women in Binders.

written by John_L, 17 October 2012
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"Ticket's please..you bastard!"

George Osborne and his aid caught sitting in first class railway seats with 'standard class tickets. "You don't expect us to sit with the ordinary people do you" says aid before paying the top-up fare

written by Herrdoktorfox, 19 October 2012
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Sugar in hot water over 'Young Apprentice' comment

Lord Sugar has been criticized by kids groups after an off the cuff remark about this years 'Young Apprentice'. Talking to a BBC producer he said "I wish Sir Jim was around to deal with some of them."

written by John_L, 20 October 2012
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Milton Keynes Vacuum Cleaner Thief Makes Full Recovery.

A Milton Keynes man who stole a cordless vacuum cleaner by eating it was taken to hospital today. A hospital spokeswoman said that: "he is picking up well!"

written by IN SEINE, 22 October 2012
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Cameron: I was right not to sack Andrew Mitchell

"Of course you were right... as nepotists go that is!"

written by Inchcock, 23 October 2012
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"Blood" Rain Expected This Week

In what could be a Halloween trick or treat, blood has been forecast to rain over parts of Milton Keynes. However, many people will be expecting it in vain!

written by IN SEINE, 23 October 2012
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Chair bites old man in Hollywood

A folding chair has collapsed under Clint Eastwood for the third time this week. It is seen as part of a revenge plot by chairs after his rant at the RNC. Eastwood has taken to using leaning boards.

written by John_L, 01 October 2012
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Cost-cutting consultants tell hospital...

To axe 40 jobs and give staff huge pay cuts.

Accountants Ernst & Young pocketed £2,647,252.80 for the advice while accounts show management consultants Finnamore got £495,098.57!

"Eh?"

written by Inchcock, 02 October 2012
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Government does U-turn on trainline

Not as easy as it sounds on a train track.

written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
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Justin Lee Collins denies court claims

"I look nothing like Sir Jim'll"

written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
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Europe beat USA to win the Ryder Cup

Mitt Romney has asked the Europeans for advice on amazing comebacks of sizemick proportions.

written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
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Team Europe beat USA in the Ryder Cup

Europe came back from 10-4 down on Day 2 to win 14-13.
They won't be inviting us back in a hurry.

written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
Rating:

Whole Hazelnuts!!

Quote of the day from Ed Miliband:
"One in four of us will have a mental illness at some point in our lifetime"
In your case cobber it would appear that you drew the short straw at an early stage!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 29 October 2012
Rating:

Daily Mirror faces four phone-hacking cases during Piers Morgan editorship

When asked for a comment, Morgan refused just before being spotted boarding the Lady Ghislaine yacht formerly owned by Robert Maxwell.

written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
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