Spoof news snippets from Friday 23 November 2012
Elgin City v Rangers postponed on safety grounds.
Match was called off when it was discovered Elgin had sold over 1,000 too many tickets for the 4,520 capacity ground.
Honestly those marketing people at Elgin - marbles!
Goodbye, farewell, adieu!
Steel giant TaTa (no pun intended) axing 900 jobs....Merry Christmas to one and all!
Howsabout that then?
Elephant abuse: Circus owner convicted...bet Jimmy Savile is sighing with relief, they can't blame that one on him!
Prince William favourite Royal in public poll
Narrowly beating Royal Doulton china.
Bryan Ferry of Poxy Music releases vajazzle album.
CORRECTION: that should read Bryan Ferry of Roxy Music releases a JAZZ album.
New online jingle radio station distances itself from Savile
"He was more of a jingle jangle guy"
New BBC Director General calls for Unity
It all got a bit confusing and embarrassing when Una Stubbs turned up in her Aunt Sally outfit.
Mark Hughes Sacked By QPR
Results so far this season have been
Lord McAlpine poised to sue at least 10,000 Twitter followers.
More details at hashtag #ohshitwishineverretweetedthat
Have you noticed...
How you never see Helen Flanagan and Kelly Brook in the same room? Especially if the room is in a library.
Swedish Woman Accused Of Having Sex With Skeleton Parts
Sounds creepy. Wasn't Sven Goran Errikson available?
British woman put in jail in Dubai for sex in taxi
Apparently she never left a tip.
Naked man climbs on statue in Whitehall
The Chancellor of The Exchequer has finally lost it.
The Smiths Suck
Johnny Marr from The Smiths inspired a generation of musicians...to shoot themselves in the head.
Tony Hall is new BBC director general.
He's planning to work eight weeks for a years salary, negotiated by his agent and brother Eric Hall.
ITV pays £125,000 to settle case with Lord McAlpine
They've also offered him two tickets for the X Factor Final. Sitting behind Louis Walsh.
All change in West London
BBC, Chelsea and QPR all change managers.
Martin Jol at Fulham must be looking over his shoulder for the dreaded vote of confidence...
BBC pays £4m in executive pay-offs in two years
Almost as much as Chelsea.
Lost: Pitbull with three legs
Answers to the name of Fluffy. Family distraught.
Legs belong to wife and eldest daughter.
McAlpine cashes in
Following ITV's payment of £125k for naming him as a paedophile, Lord McAlpine is now seeking a further £125k damages from ITV +1
The man who otherwise would have made a great Head of State but for his notorious ability to irritate and bemuse people
His name: Joe Biden
NBC Peacock Replaced by Turkey
The New York Jets auditioned for the role of the new NBC peacock during the NBC football game of the week.
New York Jets Perform Impossible Feat
Like a turkey gobbling to save his life, the Jets flew up their own tailpipe on Thanksgiving.
Suggestions to solve Europe's economic problems #7
Import lots of useless consumer items to keep the populous happy and render them excitable enough to buy almost anything such as garden gnomes. All the extra cash will generate a boom. Yay team!!