Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 20 November 2012
Romeo MP says keep press free.
Lib-Dem MP John Hemmings, exposed by tabloids as having 'at least 26 mistresses' says the press should not be controlled by the government.
26 mistresses? Where did he find time to get elected?
Justin Welby named new Archbishop of Canterbury.
He got the job despite not having a long white beard, that's what they call progress.
'Second' Petraeus Affair Emerges
Is he aiming to beat the record held by Tiger Woods?
Police commissioner elections most expensive in history
Each vote cast cost the taxpayer £14. The poll, which cost £75 million to administer, saw just 5.34 million people - one in six of the electorate - vote.
£75 million - Still less than MPS expenses.
John Prescott Fails In Bid To Become Humberside Police And Crime Commissioner
In my opinion, his campaign lacked punch compared to previous years.
President Obama visits Thailand.
Watch out for the ladyboys!
I thought it would be Mitt Romney taking a gap year, not Barack?
Obama attempts to French Kiss Burmese opposition leader!
In a not very diplomatic gesture, President Obama attempted to French Kiss Miss Suu Kyi the Burmese opposition leader; she refused and said "I'd rather have the Burmese President kiss my arse!"
Peter Mandelson appointed Chairman of Lazards
That's Lazards the investment bank, not Lizard, although some say that's an appropriate description for Mandy.
Still if ya can't legitimately call him a Lizard, you can legitimately call him a Banker
Would you like that sliced?
Hovis have announced plans to cut 900 jobs as its struggling bread business and profits become harder to come by. Looks like its going to be a pretty crummy Christmas for those laid off!
Becks quits LA Galaxy
To spend more time advertising pants.
David Beckham to quit LA Galaxy in December
Apparently he was having problems picking up the language.
David Beckham quits LA Gaalxy
Expect an announcement in the next 24 hours >>>
He'll be finishing his career with his hometown team... Ridgeway Rovers.
David Beckham to quit LA Galaxy next month
David Beckham is leaving LA Galaxy next month. A spokesman advised that Beckham was recently shocked to learn that Galaxy arent in the Premiership and that LA isnt in England.
Hughes Remains Manager of QPR
QPR boss Mark Hughes remains in charge of the Premier League strugglers following a meeting with chief executive Philip Beard in which by winning a 2 hour game of Buckaroo the Welshman kept his job.
Beckham leaves Galaxy
Former England captain David Beckham is to leave LA Galaxy. He has taken a new contract with NFL team the New York Jets to sit next to other non player Tim Tebow at signing sessions