Spoof news snippets from Sunday 11 November 2012
Federer beats Murray 7-6, 6-4 at the O2 Arena
So shove that down your daft self-publicising face and eat it, kid!
Comedy writer desperately short of TOWIE punchline
Says he'd rather eat broken glass than do the research.
Vernon Kay quits Radio 1 weekend show.
Says he wants to spend more time with his family.
No mention tweeting Page 3 girl.
Kim Kardashian Could Be Moving To London
This town ain't big enough for the butt. Of. Kim.
Girls Aloud announce Greatest Hits Album and tour.
Could be the shortest album and tour of all time?
Selena Gomez ends Mickey Mouse relationship.
Sorry that should read the Disney actress has ended her relationship with Justin Bieber.
Perhaps the headline was correct after all.
Burn Jimmy Burn!
Jimmy Saviles nephew wants the council to burn his body. Now then, now then let's not get too far ahead here.
Chris Moyles and Comedy Dave fall out; split up.
They've agreed to share custody of the comedy.
Elton John and husband expecting second baby.
The miracles of modern science. WHOSE THE DADDY!
No seriously, whose the daddy?
David Mellor slammed for dubbing child abuse victim Steven Messham a 'weirdo'
"Doggy Style" tactics from SAF a winner!
Sir Alex Ferguson's latest tactics are a winner; "Doggy Style"! Come from behind and have a winning climax! Brilliant, WOOF, WOOF!
Suggestions to solve Europe's economic problems #6
Import cheap labour from China, Japan and Korea, then enslave them for twenty years whilst making obscene profits from the result of their toil. That will work a treat for any continental nation.
Big Bird running
In breaking news, Sesame Street celebrity, Big Bird, has announced he will run for the US Presidency in 2016. "I've had enough of being used by politicians for some ill conceived campaign" said he.
Countdown presenter dressed down for skimpy outfits
Its about time Channel 4 recorded a late night version of Countdown to go with the late night version of Hollyoaks.
Apple shares drop below $600
Radio 1 ban Robbie Williams new record from playlist
Perhaps they didn't want Candy * in the studios as that's what Jimmy Savile gave to all his teenage fans...
* Candy = name of record.
Richard Desmond's adult TV boss to run Channel 5
Channel 5 - Will anyone notice the difference?
Fox News take Obama win on the Chinny chin chin.
Four more years - Fox News tears.
Nadine Dorries could do all the Bushtucker trials on I'm A Celebrity
Sure it won't be the first time a Tory MP has eaten (kangaroo) balls.
BBC presenters face pay cuts amid tightening of tax rules
AND NO MORE TEENAGERS IN DRESSING ROOMS!
Financial Times could be sold by owners Pearson for £1bn
The owners have so far offered NO COMMENT.
Channel 4 censors The Simpsons cutting word 'gay' from repea
Tv actors die.
Bill Tarmey who played Jack Duckworth in Corrie, & Clive Dunn who played Corporal Jones in Dads Army both died this week.
They say these things come in threes... Whose next?
Phil The Greek, Murdoch?
Tory MP Nadine Dorries joins 'I'm A Celebrity' on ITV
Should make her constituents surgeries interesting. Can we claim the flight back on MPs expenses?
I'm a Celebrity line-up revealed
It's bikini loving and daily twitter picture poster former Coronation St actress Helen Flanagan plus 9 others. I didn't catch their names.
BBC stops Brian Cox planet search due to health and safety
Under the current circumstances, Auntie might be better off looking on another planet for Newsnight journalists and a Director General.
Nick Clegg says independent press is vital to our democracy
Coincidentally a Lib Dem friendly press is vital if Clegg is to rebuild his popularity figures which dropped after the student fees debacle (which was inaccurately reported by the press)
Obamas hug photo makes social media history
Twitpic of Obama & Michelle hug gets record number of retweets - bating previous record held by Justin Bieber. The Biebster is now considering politics - but Trump may want to see a birth certificate