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Rating:

Obama Shocks America: I Support Gay Marriage

Americans aren't shocked by his stand supporting gay marriage, they are shocked he's taking an actual stand.

written by manbrad, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Greece Announces New Financial Strategy

'We will give a case of Retsina to each Greek citizen,' said the Greek Prime Minister. 'Greeks will then drink it while watching the sunset over the Ionian Sea and thinking: "Oh well, what the Hell."'

written by Swan Morrison, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Britons urged to car pool

With the rising cost of fuel, the government want people to car pool. "I've got to pot another three striped cars before my opponent gets his turn," said one commuter.

written by IainB, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Fries removed from a burger chain

A high street burger chain has taken French Fries from the menu. "French letters & kisses are very rude," said CEO King McDonald, "and so are French doors, I think. I'm not having filth on my menus."

written by IainB, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Another Round Of The Bonkers Olympics Ticket Selling Process To Begin on Friday 11th May

'Thank God,' said Sebastian Coe, chairman of the London Organizing Committee for the Olympic Games, 'that we didn't have responsibility for marketing tickets for a piss-up in a brewery.'

written by Swan Morrison, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Bungay Bungay Match in Bungay, Suffolk

A football match was held in the Suffolk village of Bungay where every player shared the same name of 'Bungay'. This is not to be confused with Silvio Berlusconi's Bunga Bunga parties.

written by IN SEINE, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Queen's Speech Descends Into Farce

Whilst reading the governments plans for the next parliament the Queen paused halfway through, screwed up her face and declared, "Bollocks to it. From now on you'll all do as I say."

God bless her.

written by Simon Saunders, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Dangerous Fortune Teller At Large

The hunt is on for the fortune teller who told a Yorkshire mother of 4 to make 2 of them into slaves for Gypsies. Could this be the same fortune teller who taught David Cameron?

written by IN SEINE, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Ban Ki-Moon Is Upset

Ban Ki-Moon has slammed the violence in Syria as "totally unacceptable and intolerable". But as usual is doing nothing as the UN secretly hope the Brits and Yanks will go and do their job for them.

written by Backandtotheleft, 09 May 2012
Rating:

What you looking at then?

The water watchdog has told SKY news that plastic pipes used to replace the leaking Victorian network are prone to leak....should have gone to Specsavers sport.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 May 2012
Rating:

."while you are down there Ms Brooks".

PM told under-fire Rebekah Brooks 'keep your head up'....then it won't dribble down your chin luv!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 May 2012
Rating:

The truth is out there...somewhere?

Scientific 'Ghost City' to test future technology....Bradford inhabitants won't even notice the difference!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 May 2012
Rating:

"Take that and party!"

John Travolta hit with second masseur lawsuit, poor old Ed Miliband only got hit with an egg, rough justice cobber!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 May 2012
Rating:

"Singing in the rain!"

Retailers are blaming (everyone but themselves) the wettest April on record for their biggest sales falls for more than a year...don't tell Sainsburys, they have just reported another sales boom!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Clintons Cards go bust!

........where can I buy them a 'farewell' card I wonder?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 May 2012
Rating:

"Thar she blows!"

Doctors urged not to use the term (correct)'obese' for those that are, how shall I put it, somewhat 'portly' for fear of upsetting patients.....perhaps lardarse would be a better description?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Daily Mail online editor appears at Leveson inquiry.

No word on whose looking after the 'sidebar of shame' back at HQ in Kensington.

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Madeleine McCann photo use in holiday ad 'vile'

A travel firm has said the use of an image of Madeleine McCann on an independent website to promote its holidays in Portugal is "vile".

Photo

"I agree!"

written by Inchcock, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Ryanair flight attendant hospitalised after falling from plane's exit door

Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary has already sent out invoices to passengers for the extra entertainment.

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

McDonald's Launch Kid-Friendly 'Five-A-Day Drink'

With 12 spoonfuls of sugar.
For kid friendly, read Kid-hyper. Kid rotting teeth. Kid obese.

But hey, On the plus side it's not Coca-Cola!

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Politicians Quotes Worthy of Note: John Bercow

"Order. The House needs to simmer down and take whatever tablets are necessary."
Putting raucous MPs back in their boxes, in this instance the Speaker belittled the Members enough to ensure control!

written by Inchcock, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Liverpool 4 Chelsea 1 (Prem League)

Comfortable win for Liverpool at Anfield.
Sadly it was 72 hours too late to win the FA Cup.

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Britney's Wit

When asked if she considered herself a higher mammal Miss Britney spears stated that her boobs were still quite perky, thank us very much!

written by raburcke, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Fans see red over Cardiff City shirt change proposal

Proposal by new Malaysian owners to change kit from blue to red, and club badge from a Bluebird crest to a dragon.

No word yet on changing the name of the team from Cardiff City to 'Wales'

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Blackburn relegated from the Premiership.

On the plus side that mid-season trip to India for a friendly match was a huuuuuuuuuuuge success...

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Ray Wilkins charged with drink-driving.

Should have stuck to the Tango Ray.

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Blood paintings by Pete Doherty go on sale at Cob Gallery

Saves buying paint I suppose!

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Orangutans found that look like Boris Johnson

And could probably do a better job than him as well...

written by radiogagger, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Chinese Political Prisoner Survives By Drinking Own Urine

Blimey sounds like a night's boozing in The Lord Rodney's Head, Whitechapel! :(

written by Clive Danton, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 45

"Animal Illnesses"

by

Ann Thrax

written by IN SEINE, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Politicians Quotes Worthy of Note: Boris Johnson 3

During the 2005 campaign trail, the Sunday Mirror quoted him thus:
"What's my view on drugs? I've forgotten my view on drugs!"

"I thought than he'll get on!"

written by Inchcock, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Politicians Quotes Worthy of Note: Boris Johnson 2

"Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3."

"A sense of humour? I like his style!"

written by Inchcock, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Politicians Quotes Worthy of Note: Boris Johnson

In his conference diary for The Independent on the Tory Leadership Contest, Mr Johnson said:
"I am supporting David Cameron purely out of cynical self-interest!"

"I'm getting to like him!"

written by Inchcock, 09 May 2012
Rating:

Pippa Middleton is considering a move New York City

Middleton rejected Paris, after friend Romain Rabillard pointed a fake gun at photographers.
Try Nashville, permit holders can carry loaded firearms into bars and restaurants that serve alcohol.

written by JAB, 09 May 2012
Rating:

John Travolta Hit with Second Sexual Battery Claim from another Masseur

Attorney, Okorie Okorocha, filed a complaint on behalf of John Doe No. 1, and then filed an amended complaint adding John Doe No. 2.
No word on the sick parents who would name their kids No.1 & No.2

written by JAB, 09 May 2012
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