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Rating:

Graduate Unemployment Rises

'It's really depressing,' said a typical unemployed graduate. 'It sometimes makes me feel that my four year MSc in Media Studies was a complete waste of time.'

written by Swan Morrison, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Part of DC's Mall may be sinking faster than normal

Republicans say it's caused by all the tunneling Bill Clinton did all over the area for eight years to sneak out of the White House at night.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Pope to Have Own Perfume

The Pope is to have his very own purfume made. Called Achtung! it will smell of cordite & incense to remind the pontiff of good old days when he manned a German anti-aircraft gun in the Hitler Youth.

written by IN SEINE, 15 March 2012
Rating:

New York cuts pension benefits for public workers Banks hike fees, cut costs to boost profits

Plan to fire one-third of tellers. Replace them with cash out machines similar to those at casinos.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Inconvenient Photo Taken at Exxon Gas Station Just Outside White House

$5.39 Per Gallon! Probably with that? Take it up with the guy down the street!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

A Level Exams Get Tougher

Writing your name correctly on an A level exam paper will now only achieve a 90% score.

written by David Grant, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Month of Five-year-old Boy Allows Him to Cut His Hair for the First Time

A five-year-old boy from Sunderland, who has hair down to his waist has been allowed to cut his hair by his mother, who can no longer afford to buy shampoo and conditioner.

written by IN SEINE, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Terrorist Warning Upped

Suspicious-looking truck ahead with wild-eyed driver has homemade sign, "Howl ist my Driven Hokay?"

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Plan Future, Dig Oil Between Time

The president mocked Republican foes who snub his alternative energy plans, comparing them to those who questioned the revolutionary rise of television and automobiles. Why can't we do both?

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

World's ugliest dog dies!

The world's most ugly dog has died; and it wasn't a pretty sight!

written by Jaggedone, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Bilbao 2-United 0, they're sinking fast!

Man United have got caught up in a Biscayan storm and are sinking without trace, let's hope the Wolves don't ravage them on Sunday too!

written by Jaggedone, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Laughing Policeman...not!

Police who fail fitness tests 'face pay cut'....apparently officers should be able to reach level 5:4 on a bleep test. Doubtless after hearing this news most are 'f.bleep.g already f.bleep.g bleeping!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Just their luck!

HBO's horse racing saga 'LUCK' has been cancelled due to the death of three horses while filming...a classic case of... their Luck having run out!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Gingrich: No One Understands Me!

Bob Dylan: Tell me, talk to me like about it! But, everybody must get stoned, sooner or later.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Panetta Disarms Troops

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta arrived in the south of Afghanistan for a surprise visit on Wednesday morning, telling troops to go unarmed & carrying copy of "How To Lose A War For Dummies".

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Where's Osama?

Aquaman tells New York Post that "there is no body of Osama Bin Laden down here!"

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

50 Kansas students, chaperones sickened after New York dinner

Locals seem OK. Many say they have gradually built up an immunity!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

US Marines to cut four battalions, 12 air squadrons

President Obama: It's not like we're at war or anything! We'll still have a dozen Navy SEALS.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

New York lawmakers pass sweeping pension cuts

Janitors and street cleaners want to know why they are being singled out!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Boomers Rename 'Me Generation"

According to a survey of people 60 and over, instead of being the 'Me Generation', most of their kids have become 'The Boomerang Generation'. "They're all moving back home!"

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Corrie-hell!

79 year old Coronation veteran Bill Roache has spoken about his womanising past-claiming to have bedded 'hundreds' of women......probably way back when he was working in the RNIB....womens department!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Miracle Tree Brings Back Youth?

40-year-old Henry Pickard says he feels 16-years-old again after trying latest Miracle Tree tablets. "I woke up this morning with about 37 pimples all over my face...38"

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Ace Ladder Lad On The Ball!

After only one year's employment at the Ace Ladder Company, local man gets 50 cent raise and small promotion. "I know it's not much but it's a step up", stated 21-year-old Horace Richardson!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Simple Simon met a PCO

Greggs bakers announce that they are opening hundreds more outlets.....meanwhile reports are coming in of a mass stampede by already overweight and surplus to requirement PCO's....!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Blowout

Patrt time PM Do-nothing-Dave leaves Washington after lavish dinner, that should keep him full of wind at the next PQT debacle!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Smoking Even More Dangerous

A new study finds that people who smoke outside their place of business in the winter are ten times more likely to die from pneumonia than non-smokers!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Tits Up!

Thousands more women have 'faulty' implants....many wish they had never married in the first place!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Free Wi-Fi on Underground!!

London Underground offer free Wi-Fi at up to 80 stations from this summer. With the soon-to-be mass congestion,station closures and delays at least the customers can amuse themselves will waiting!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Wealthy Obama donors attend state dinner #2

The "One Percent" group told that they can reduce their tax payments by donating to his favorite charity: Obama For President!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Surveillance cameras capture thieves stealing -- surveillance cameras.

Caught thief: Looks like we missed one!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Champions League: Chelsea 4 Napoli 1 (5-4 aggregate)

Looks like Napoli were caught napping.

written by radiogagger, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Coronation Street's Ken Barlow: 'I Slept with 1000 Women'

What will Dierdre say?
Only another 2,000 to catch up with Julio Iglesias. And 34,000 to catch up with Fidel Castro

written by radiogagger, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Glenn beck hates animals!

On today's radio show Beck called the surviving Occupy Wall Street crowd "godless, dumb, animals." Animal lovers and herdsmen say this is a rank insult to every animal they've owned or managed.

written by waterman, 15 March 2012
Rating:

It's Happened Again

Polish government says yet another Polish-flagged ship has been hijacked, in surprise attack from a Pirate flagged ship.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

"What's That Signal For, Mama?"

Batman blames naughty Batman/Robin Signal on the Joker!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Is a spicy meal good for your heart?

NO! It's beans! "Beans, beans, good for your heart..."

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Deadly bat disease detected in north Alabama

Bruce Wayne tells citizens of Huntsville, "You're on your own!"

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Peak bloom for DC cherry blossoms moved up

To last week. Sorry, caught us by surprise also.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Ad campaign shows smoking's scary side

Showing charred remains of the late sleeping smoker a bit rough say some.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Obama, Cartoon Network target bullying in documentary

Rush Limbaugh objects to his role in it.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

NY state lawmakers to allow casino gambling

Mom & Pop Stores with big back rooms closing all over the city!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Finley Neighborhood Addition sewer meeting today

Be sure to wear your old clothes!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Future wrestlers get an early start

It's Junior versus Precious in tonight's crib match!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

High-Profile Chinese Politician Bo Xilai Is Removed from Post

And tied to a tank target at Army Base!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

'Pink Slime' Will Be a Choice for Schools 'Pink slime' will be a choice for schools

Votes thus far: Girls 100% against, Boys 100% For! ("Pink Slime is Cool!)

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Veterans enraged over American flag with Obama's face in place of stars

Also, 50-foot high posters of President and over 100 statues placed around the country.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Price of gas in CA jumps 50 cents in one month

Obama promises to set up his tenth task force on problem.

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

UPDATE: Toilet paper crisis averted in New Jersey's capital city

After 90% of population go on 5-day Banana/peanut butter diet!

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Drones becoming popular for personal and commercial use.

Why spend all that money on advertising when you can simply blow up the competition?

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Thousands protest, chant anti-American slogans

"George Washington Had Wooden Teeth!" "Betsy Ross Was As Infidel!" "Obama Drinks Horse Piss Beer!"

written by Bureau, 15 March 2012
Rating:

What a Gay day!

Government minister Lynne Featherstone: "No rolling back on Gay marriages!"...0ooooh, Matron!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Pothole Mania.

It will take 11 years for England's local authorities to fill in potholes because of the huge backlog...bring back Bernard Cribbens and the gang mate, job sorted in 12 months!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Tesco Chief Quits.

Tesco's UK Chief quits over poor sales....every LIDL helps cobber!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Ofsted Rools OK

Ofsted states literacy standards are falling behind in schools...meanwhile Encyclopaedia Britannica ceases publication after 244 years...says it all really!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Wife Tells Husband She's Going Shopping for Clutches at Neiman Marcus

Husband replies "I didn't even know they sold cars."

written by Charpa93, 15 March 2012
Rating:

Bad news, Good news

Tragic News, Boffins issue red meat warning. Exploding rectum a real possibility say experts. On the upside, Mr Cameron is having steak dinner with American fella.

written by Mummblyjoe, 15 March 2012
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