Order by:
Rating:

Ruth Barcan Marcus, Philosopher and Logician, Dies at 90!

Just as she estimated 20 years ago!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Judge deals setback to Sandusky in child sex abuse case

He's to be castrated this weekend.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

CNN in talks to buy mashable website for $200 million

For Today's lunch, I'm making do with One Pie and Mash with liquor for £5.25

written by radiogagger, 13 March 2012
Rating:

BBC expects to lose all racing coverage to Channel 4 by 2013

What were the odds on that?

written by radiogagger, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!

Where did this tradition come from? They sing it AT the ballgame. Now it's been revealed that it was a bunch of guys drunk by the third inning during a Red Sox/Yankee game just after prohibition.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Kenny Dalglish defends his Liverpool record.

Kit deals are just as important as points these days.
Looks like the commercial manager is gonna get a new improved contract then Kenny.

written by radiogagger, 13 March 2012
Rating:

MARCH MADNESS!!

President Obama to take UK PM to NCAA b'ball game...unless a nuclear war breaks out with Iran!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

80% say they are not better off than four years ago!

HARRY REID: 'This poll shows how we have turned this Bush mess around! What? Are NOT better off? This poll is so meaningless"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Rotting-Ear Case the Work of Deadly Brown Recluse Spider!

Second victim, a male, states that he's glad it didn't bite him on the family jewels.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Even small amount of red meat tied to increased mortality risk

Especially if it's placed in front of a hungry Rottweiler!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Sarah Palin: Leave Me Out Of This!

Rick Santorum: 'The dangers of carbon dioxide? Tell that to a plant'

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Fed notes better economy, takes no policy action

Millions of people out of work: Are you blind or what?

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Tide Detergent Being Stolen From Stores Across the Country

President Obama: Our economy is going out with the Tide! It's not my fault! Is Not! Is Not! Is Not!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Stephen Hawking to guest star on 'Big Dang Theory'

I guess it's possible but...oh, that should be "Big Bang Theory!"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Eating red meat kills you!

Eating red meat kills you but it also makes you feel more horny due to the amount of dodgy hormones in it. So, either die early and have a great sex-life or live longer and become and "old wanker!"

written by Jaggedone, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Two lip from.....?

Prisoner Anthony Downes, sprung from prison eight months ago as he stood trial for firearms offences has been arrested in Amsterdam...dirty boy was hoping for a bang in the red light district!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 13 March 2012
Rating:

The GOP Launches It's Abstinence is the New Sexy Campaign

The GOP launches it's new "Abstinence is the New Sexy" campaign but some question the use of Anne Coulter as it's new spokesperson but they do agree she should remain abstinent for humanity's sake.

written by Kevin Nelson, 13 March 2012
Rating:

You Just Never Know!

Old man sent floating on ice from Eskimo village becomes King of the Penguins!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Newt Gingrich Possesses the Moral Courage to......

In a recent speech to U.S. servicemen, Newt Gingrich stated he was uniquely qualified to be Commander and Chief of the U.S. Forces because, "he was willing to lay down your life for his country."

written by Kevin Nelson, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Floods Two Other Casinos

First playing of Yoko Ono recording causes the Dancing Waters in front of The Ballagio to explode!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Toilet Paper Crisis

Toilet paper shortage in New Jersey leads to record sales of big cheap puzzle books at Barnes & Noble!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

That's mint! Pacemaker the size of a Tic Tac set to revolutionise heart treatment

The tiny device cuts out the need for major surgery as it is implanted straight into the organ via a vein in the groin.

"I hope the surgeons are not sucking mints during the procedure!"

written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Rating:

New Flu Not So Bad

First it was Swine Flu, then Bird Flu. Mild winter thus far only causing Hoarse Flu!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Also Wrote "Old Paint The Horse"!

Guy who wrote the song "Hooked On A Feeling" reveals that the feeling came after huffing paint.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Pinhead Makes Horrible Mistake

Drunken Kentucky man rubs Preparation H on head instead of hair tonic!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Risked Life For White House Exclusive!

Fly On The Wall to reveal everything in this week's National Enquirer!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

B-Ball On The Way!

Padded coaches and stuffed chairs brace themselves for lard asses as March Madness begins this Thursday!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Joker In Afghanstan

Taliban vows revenge on whoever put hair remover in turbans!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Romney Turns 65 but Isn't Signing Up for Medicare

President Obama: He will if he wins presidential race and his hair turns white!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Only Preserved By Photo

God save the clean! Woman finds watermark shaped like the Queen's head on bottom of bath tub while doing washing-up. Then drunk husband pisses in it.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Olympic veteran set to compete at London 2012 - at age of 71

The Japanese dressage rider competed at his first Olympics in Tokyo in 1964 at the age of 23, is set for another Olympic outing this summer, by which time he will be 71.

"It must be the Sake?"

written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Police officers dealing with 999 fallen by more than 5,000 since the general election

Spending cuts were blamed for the drop in numbers of "visible" cops.

"Ah well, as long as the victims of murder, muggings, burglaries etc know why, that's okay?"

written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Rebekah Brooks and husband held in hacking inquiry

Oh well, someone to keep her company this time.

written by radiogagger, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Beckham milk shortage

Unsubstantiated rumour has it, Vicky's glum face at awards hoedown due entirely to thick husband.
David seemingly nipped out for a pint of milk and inexplicably came back with a new motorbike!.

written by Mummblyjoe, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Sotheby's to sell £20m art collection

They've started the prices at 99p per item to avoid ebay fees.

written by radiogagger, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Eric Joyce resigns from Labour party

He's expected to start training next week for a WBC unifying fight with Derek Chisora.

written by radiogagger, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Too Many Spiders

PETA issues a No-Fly list over Wagga Wagga, Australia after about a million spiders invade the area.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

FT journalists walk out as pay talks break down

Tomorrows paper - No FT no comment.

written by radiogagger, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Top Rwandan Rebel Leader Surrenders in Congo

After pygmies in Ituri Forest find him hiding in hollow log.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Myanmar Gives Karen Rebel 20-Year Term for Treason

However, Burma shaves it down to five years.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Deaths barred in Italian village

"Just until we can get this Vampire/Zombie thing worked out", states Mayor.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Toilet paper running low in NJ's capital city

After years and years of using twice their share!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

British doctors urge against metal hip joints

"For those on the dole, there's enough lead in there already", says spokesman.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

First lady will lead US delegation to Olympics

Doing Somersaults and cartwheels!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Woods says he hopes to play next week at Bay Hill

"Unless I get too far behind again."

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

1,226th Israel-Gaza truce taking hold

Just maybe this time it will last, say civilians on both sides.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Pacific Northwest white supremacist pleads guilty to slayings

Lawyer points to wet white sheet. "He's been water-boarded!"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Northeast, Midwest see record high temperatures

Weathermen say that it's due to heated GOP race for Presidential nomination!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Nixon Love Letters Now On Display

Love letter to Pat (Ryan) always closed with "Sealed With A Kiss! God Bless America!"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Voting in Alabama, Mississippi could clarify race

But most of the country believe that they are human like the rest of us, just fatter.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Treatment may have finally stopped world's tallest man from growing

It's Ahmoud Ahmadinejad, but don't tell the little shrimp! He thinks he's really the world's tallest man!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Red meat can be unhealthy, study suggests

Especially after it has been dipped in ammonia to keep it red.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

What anti-war Kucinich whispered to Bush?

"I whispered good advice but it was into his ass, not his ears. I'm a little short of stature."

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Rising Gas Prices Have Dented Obama's Rating: Poll

President asks SuperPAC to refund $2.00 a gallon until day after election in November.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Third female lawmaker introduces bill to limit men's Viagra access

Other 99.99 percent of women are against it.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Obama administration blocks Texas voter ID law

"I've learned over the past three & a half years that they sometimes have strange idee's about our country", states Obama. "There, did I pronounce it right?"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2012
Rating:

New Functional Decomposition Book

New from McWilliam press is the latest tome for software developers entitled Functional Decomposition to the Nth Degree. It has 250,000 chapters, each containing one word.

written by IainB, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Serial bride is targeting husband number five aged just 28

Mum of two Alison Smith, now 28, was ditched by her current husband when he caught her cheating with her latest squeeze!

"And this is the News from England?"

written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
Rating:

Prince Harry gets kissed by model at polo match!

Fernanda Motta, 30, gave Harry and each of his team members two celebratory smackers.

"An eighty year old lady was mugged at a bus stop in Nottingham" But who's interested in that news - Cameron?

written by Inchcock, 13 March 2012
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