Insertion oil - 'Huge concern'
Oil used for Romanian chin insertions is running dangerously low leading councils in west London to cancel candle making and piano craft. Hot insertions can still be made with warm Linseed oil.
Cameron appoints farmer as 'Economic Blue Skyer'
David Cameron has appointed Jethro Shanks after he demonstrated a 'bail-in' at a barn near chequers. The Prime Minister was also said to be impressed by an unusual dry chin insertion from Argentina.
Thor's Hammer Found on "American Roadshow"
"This is the hammer that came down on top of Capt. America's shield to pronounce everything 'Sold'" said noted auctioneer, Web Stollen.
"You know you could get killed for having this…"
Premier League Sensation
In bizarre and unprecedented circumstances today, every Premier League club bar Everton sacked their manager. David Moyes is this evening said to be "considering his options."
Shock discovery on Saturn's Biggest moon.....
..........DFS sale ending next Friday!!
Pundit Denies Cliches
A football pundit has defended his over-use of cliche during Euro 2012 coverage. "To be fair, they're just setting out their stall," he said, "but at the end of the day it's just a lot of handbags."
Ronaldo is haunted by Messi's ghost!
Cristiano Ronaldo swears that the reason he misses so many chances is because he sees a Fata morgana of Lionel Messi every time he shoots! It's true, Messi always "ghosts" past opponents!
Prague Circus Owner Arrested, Charged
"The Bouncing Czechs," need no introduction, Milord . . .
Snoopy Makes Return
Loveable dog Snoopy has returned with a fanfare, chained to the State
written by j.w.
, 14 June 2012
Donald Trump's Birther Problem
"He wasn't born here, that's for sure!" screamed Bronx cabbie Lenny "Legs" Luggins. "Try Queens!"
The Problem of Being One in a Million -
-is that in China there are at least a thousand others just like you.
Vet On Leave from Iraq Surprises Son on Date
Sgt Crane has not seen his family in 6 months. Local news crews arranged for him to hide in the hotel while his 16 year old son was on "date". The vet surprised his son as he was getting to 2nd base.
What a load of bollocks.....
......says airport worker after unloading crate of elephant gonads, key ingridients in Marks & Spencer's new soup range....
Fish Juggling Contest Cancelled
Smelter Springs, Maryland-Today's fish juggling contest has been cancelled, as none of the fish caught for the event can actually juggle.
Redknapp to leave Spurs once severance package is agreed
It is believed he'll get a £3 million pay off after contract talks collapsed.
Coincedently, his dog Rosie has made an appointment at her Monaco bank to discuss a large deposit she wants to make.