There were 396 spoof news snippets published in June 2012. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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You need new balls, mate, coach tells Andy Murray

Something with a bit of, er, bounce.

written by queen mudder, 10 June 2012
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What natural blonds tell us about 'magical' powers of pigment

Makes fantastic pork scratchings...

written by queen mudder, 10 June 2012
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Drunk Lady Drives into Golf Course Sand Trap and Sues all the Golfers

"If any of them would have lent me a sand wedge, I never would have been caught".

written by mikewadestr, 21 June 2012
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Former CEO of Vatican Bank 'planned to give tosser to Pope'

Er...make that 'dossier!'

written by queen mudder, 10 June 2012
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New Justin Bieber Bobblehead Doll: When the head bobbles the pants fall down.

On sale now at all Saggy Pants stores.

written by mikewadestr, 01 June 2012
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Hospital bulletin says Prince Philip still feeling sore...

But the operation to remove a swizzle stick's billed a complete success!

written by queen mudder, 05 June 2012
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Superman And The Phony State Trooper

Obama wasn't left with just the bill for a steak dinner: two wars, the housing market crash and a failed auto industry. Obama is more Superman, than Romney in phony Michigan State Trooper uniform.

written by K.C. Bell, 13 June 2012
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All Our Yesterdays: The Blitz was the best thing ever to happen to parts of London

Especially Deptford High Street, still frozen in time.

written by queen mudder, 05 June 2012
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Vet On Leave from Iraq Surprises Son on Date

Sgt Crane has not seen his family in 6 months. Local news crews arranged for him to hide in the hotel while his 16 year old son was on "date". The vet surprised his son as he was getting to 2nd base.

written by Lola Heatherton, 14 June 2012
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China sends woman into space

It was the only way to stop her yakking, says Chinese Space Institute engineer.

written by CaptainSausage, 16 June 2012
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Bruce Springsteen to Pen New US Naional Anthem: Yo Give me a Fricken Job

Barack Obama will play the Wa Wa.

written by mikewadestr, 05 June 2012
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Nebraska man changes name to Tyrannosaurus Rex

The York News-Times reports NYT that the man entered the York County courtroom on Monday as Tyler Gold and left named Tyrannosaurus Rex Joseph Gold.
"Lots of us live in the past!"

written by Inchcock, 10 June 2012
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Spoof writer pens his 1,000th snippet

And if he wasn't gaga when he started back in December, he most definitely is now. When asked for a comment he declared "here's to the next thousand - by about this time next friday"

written by radiogagger, 13 June 2012
Rating:

Lady Gaga bangs head on pole in New Zealand.

Meanwhile at almost the identical time in Turkey, Madonna bares a boob on stage - proof if needed that Madonna and Gaga are indeed separated at birth.
Lady Madonna = Mother of Lady Gaga!!

written by radiogagger, 13 June 2012
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Tom Cruise Is 'Deeply Saddened' By Divorce News, Says His Spokesman

His boyfriend is rumoured to be over the moon though.

written by radiogagger, 30 June 2012
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Tulisa Contostavlos Confirms Split With 'Skins' actor boyfriend

Lets hope for her sake there are no badly performed sex tapes to be released at a later date.

written by radiogagger, 19 June 2012
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Scientific Discovery Leads to Immortal Frogs

Biologists in California have managed to create a frog that will never die, simply by removing its vocal chords. This simply means that they cannot croak.

written by IN SEINE, 01 June 2012
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Kim Kardashian reads Nietzsche to prove to Kanye West she's not a moron

News for ya Kimmy, it never worked for Joey Barton and it won't work for you.

written by radiogagger, 02 June 2012
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U.S. Denies 'Sesame Street' Torture at Guantanemo

They refused to comment on Southpark though.

written by radiogagger, 04 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 73

"How to Handle Explosives"

by

Ginger Lee

written by IN SEINE, 06 June 2012
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BT claim there are over 52,000 public payphones

BT claim there are over 52,000 public payphones in throughout the UK.

"Well I know of two that have not been vandalised!"

written by Inchcock, 27 June 2012
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Milton Keynes Man Meets Grim Reaper

A Milton Keynes man had a terrible nightmare last night where he was fighting with the Grim Reaper but managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. It turned out that he was Dyson with death.

written by IN SEINE, 23 June 2012
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Cheri Blair Is A Fraud!

Cheri Blair was supposed to be representing National Widows Day when she herded a flock of goats over London Bridge - her husband, Tony, was absent unless he was disguised as one of the goats!

written by IN SEINE, 24 June 2012
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Snowdrop fanciers have their own name!

'Galanthophiles' - are all over the world!

BBC Clanathrophiles

"I see!"

written by Inchcock, 10 June 2012
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New survey reveals surprise finding

researchers at the University of Gaga have discovered that surveys conducted by universities can never be 100% accurate unless they interview 100% of the worlds population.

written by radiogagger, 12 June 2012
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Google so desperate for Doodle, they celebrate 79th birthday of Drive-in

Google Doodle couldn't find any important person who was born on this date, so they chose the 79th birthday of the drive-in. Another Doodle to come: the 17th b-day of the soybean oil breast implant.

written by Lyndon, 06 June 2012
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English summer has arrived, so have the storms!

The annual arrival of a British summer has caused storms, gales and whiplash winds to attack the green island. Maybe they should move Wimbledon and the Sham-Olympics to Tenerife, Olé!

written by Jaggedone, 08 June 2012
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'Big Society' find David Camerons daughter left in a pub

Prime Minister on way back home, drunk on four bottles of wine.

written by radiogagger, 12 June 2012
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Steve McClaren supports England tactics at Euro 2012

He reckons England can win a tournament playing this way.

Expect a complete overhaul of England's tactics very soon after McClaren's endorsement.

written by Simon Saunders, 15 June 2012
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Linguist Emerges From Comma

just hours after wife completes sentence.

written by Adam Click, 16 June 2012
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Wonky mouthed Katie Holmes files for divorce from tiny Tom Cruise

Staying married looks like a real Mission Impossible for Cruise.

This is his third divorce and signals the end of his marriage trilogy.

written by Simon Saunders, 30 June 2012
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NOT A Tall Story!

After years of research, psychologists can now reveal that 6 out of 7 dwarves are NOT grumpy.

written by IN SEINE, 16 June 2012
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Fathers Could Be Forced to Be Named On Birth Certificates

David Cameron is proposing that fathers should be named on birth certificates. Thousands of UK men are to change their name by deed poll to "David Cameron"

written by IN SEINE, 16 June 2012
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Andy Murray Wimbledon match finishes at 11pm

Just in time for the start of babestation.

written by radiogagger, 30 June 2012
Rating:

Special Addition to South Carolina Zombie Shoot

Just breaking, the zombies of several Al-Qaeda members have been captured and sent to South Carolina. The zombies will be used in a special "Hunt Achmed the Dead Terrorists Friends" event.

written by Heeke, 18 June 2012
Rating:

Adele pregnant.

See, she's not fat after all.

written by radiogagger, 30 June 2012
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Kate Middleton to be Sleeping On The Streets Soon

Blimey, am I the only one not renting my house out during the Olympics?

written by radiogagger, 30 June 2012
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Brixton Prison Break "Instigated by Gordon Ramsay"

"We just wanted to get away from the foul mouthed bastard" claims recaptured con.

written by Paxton Quigley, 19 June 2012
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Man admits stabbing girlfriend 57 times

Apparently they had a disagreement of sorts.

written by radiogagger, 19 June 2012
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Miami Zombie reportedly high on 'bath salts'

That's, like, just a normal weekend for me.

written by radiogagger, 01 June 2012
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Madonna Appeals For World Peace

Her new world tour kicked off in Israel in front of 30,000 fans.

Madonna declared, "If there is peace in the Middle East, there can be peace in the whole world."

Problem solved.

written by Simon Saunders, 02 June 2012
Rating:

Dull and Boring twin up!

The towns of Dull, Scotland and Boring, US, are twinning up and hoping to inject a bit of excitement into their very dull and boring inhabitants, YAWN...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

written by Jaggedone, 05 June 2012
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You Will be 20 Times More Likely to Contract Lung Cancer by Smoking Cannabis

The British Lung Foundation reports that you are 20 times more likely to contract lung cancer if you smoke cannabis. As for me I shall stick with Mary Jane! Seems like a safe bet!

written by IN SEINE, 06 June 2012
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Lorry Crash

A lorry crashed today at junction 10 on the M6 shedding most of its load of inhalers. West Mercia Police said that the congestion would clear very quickly and last up to 3 days.

written by IN SEINE, 09 June 2012
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Country renaming continues

Having successfully introduced an anti-obesity ethos, Greece will now be known as Polyunsaturated.

written by IainB, 09 June 2012
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Andy Murray in the bar

In the bar after the French open, Andy Murray was served some drinks. He could not return a single one.

written by IainB, 09 June 2012
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Tripadvisor

According to the 'supreme slaphead' William (V)Hague 'Syria is like 1990's Bosnia'...like you were there Bill staying at the Sarajevo Hilton all inclusive no doubt?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 10 June 2012
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It rains liquid methane once every 1,000 years on Titan!

Titan: the largest moon orbiting Saturn.

"I'm glad those told us that, just in case we were planning a weekend break on Saturn presumably?"

written by Inchcock, 22 June 2012
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Osborne: UKrecovery snuffed out by extended Jubilee holiday

About time the chief culprit snuffed it herself!

written by queen mudder, 10 June 2012
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Bergers to Cash in on Gordon Ramsay Visit

The good Bergers of Middlesborough, a town near Boston, Massachusetts are to impose a fine for swearing in public. They hope to cash in next month when Gordon Ramsay begins his American roadshow.

written by IN SEINE, 13 June 2012
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Warning To Teenagers: Getting Pregnant Can Kill

Doctors report that pregnancy can cause up to 1 million deaths or serious injuries to teenage mums in Britain every year.teenagers are to be congratulated in keeping undertakers in employment!

written by IN SEINE, 27 June 2012
Rating:

Alaska man climbs tree, but gets stuck upside down!

He climbed a tree for exercise but got stuck upside down hanging by one leg.
Authorities were alerted by a man he called from a cellphone attached to a lanyard around his neck?

"Hmm?"

written by Inchcock, 22 June 2012
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Danny Guthrie lobster-throwing wedding brawl ciiticised

What's wrong with traditional nuptial dwarf-tossing then?

written by queen mudder, 10 June 2012
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Damien Hirst Splits Partner

It could be a curse or a tradition with Damien Hirst, who rose to fame as an artist by cutting things in half. Sadly he has now split from his long-term partner of 20 years.

written by IN SEINE, 11 June 2012
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Eastenders latest: Ian Beale living rough down canal

On the upside, he has managed to let his East London home to Tourists in London for the Diamond Jubilee, Wimbledon and the Olympics.

written by radiogagger, 26 June 2012
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Wimbledon Latest: England's Laura Robson loses to Italian in first round

Sounds familiar...

written by radiogagger, 26 June 2012
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3p Fuel duty rise cancelled:

In unrelated news, the government today launched a new website for future press releases - uturn.com

written by radiogagger, 26 June 2012
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Venus Williams knocked out in Wimbledon first round

Venus - she had the fire, now she hasn't got it.

written by radiogagger, 26 June 2012
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Nat West Bank change name

Now known as 'Not Working Bank'

written by radiogagger, 26 June 2012
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Romans dodged paying taxes on Jersey and Guernsey too!

Not only modern day stand-up comedians dodge taxes on Guernsey; the Romans did it too. A find of Roman coins has been dug up proving that the Romans are to blame for everything dodgy!

written by Jaggedone, 26 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 82

"What I Dislike About Being Back In School"

by

Mona Lott.

written by IN SEINE, 19 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 83

"Take This Job and Shove It"

by

Ike Witt.

written by IN SEINE, 21 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 84

"Will Jimmy Finally Graduate?"

by

Betty Wont.

written by IN SEINE, 22 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 85

"Why I Eat at McDonalds"

by

Tommy Ayk.

written by IN SEINE, 24 June 2012
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Part 4

Due to the success of the three 'Mr Grey' books currently being devoured by thousands of frustrated housewives and virgins a fourth instalment will be released entitled, Clitty Clitty Bang Bang.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 27 June 2012
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Ronaldo is haunted by Messi's ghost!

Cristiano Ronaldo swears that the reason he misses so many chances is because he sees a Fata morgana of Lionel Messi every time he shoots! It's true, Messi always "ghosts" past opponents!

written by Jaggedone, 14 June 2012
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Fly Tipping Causes Wimbledon Chaos

Tennis matches at Wimbledon could be delayed because there has been a spate of fly tipping in the No. 1 court. The Wombles have been called out but say that it may take some time to clear it up.

written by IN SEINE, 28 June 2012
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Tony Blair keen on being Prime Minister again but acknowledges it's unlikely

Mr Blair is rumoured to have met with Peter Mandelson and Alistair (You Spin Me Right Round Baby) Campbell to discuss returning.

They plan on rebranding the party as Even Newer Old New Labour.

written by Simon Saunders, 28 June 2012
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Lady Gaga Cancels Show

An Indonesian extremist Islamic organization had accused Lady Gaga of wearing underwear onstage and made threats. Everyone knows that Lady Gaga doesn't wear any underwear!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 June 2012
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Air Travel Getting Better

I saw a happy passenger at the airport, who had just turned 75 years old and doesn't have to take shoes off anymore. Still has to be groped, oops patted down by the TSA agent though!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 June 2012
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MI:69

Katie Holmes to divorce vertically challenged Tom Cruise...Missionary Position Impossible?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 30 June 2012
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Katie Holmes files for divorce from Tom Cruise

'Suri' seems to be the hardest word.

written by radiogagger, 30 June 2012
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Obama Campaign Misrouted

Obama campaign manager Axelrod confirmed Air Force One was misdirected to Tehran Iran instead of a function in Chicago Illinois. All aboard, including President Obama, were arrested as spies.

written by Heeke, 18 June 2012
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Justin and Demi to record duet.

Justin Bieber and Demi Lovatio to record a song together.
In related news, Demi Moore has been tweeting pictures of herself to Justin Timberlake.

written by radiogagger, 30 June 2012
Rating:

Ukrainian prostitutes go on strike!

Ukrainian prostitutes entertaining footy fans are going on strike because they keep having a coitus interruptus every time a goal is scored instead of finishing the job like Ronaldo, hard and fast!

written by Jaggedone, 18 June 2012
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Mum sings Adelle song to daughter in coma

Daughter wakes up and says "Haven't I suffered enough?"

written by radiogagger, 19 June 2012
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Council bans Olympic starter from firing gun

Elf'n'safety innut guv?

written by radiogagger, 19 June 2012
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Melanie Sykes and her 'toyboy' go public

Unaware that Twitter is already public.

written by radiogagger, 19 June 2012
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Euro 2012 TV Camera Crews Complain That The Football Is Ruining Their Match Coverage

'It's very difficult,' said a spokesman for the Euro 2012 Camera Crews, 'to take those long, lingering shots of every attractive woman in the stadium when we are also expected to film the game.'

written by Swan Morrison, 20 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 68

"Health Care for your Baby"

by

Pete E. O'Trishan

written by IN SEINE, 01 June 2012
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Doctors At An NHS Funded Clinic

specialising in the treatment of Bulimia, have threatened to go on hunger strike today over pay and working conditions.

written by asphyxiation, 21 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 69

"Quiet"

by

Danielle Soloud.

written by IN SEINE, 02 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 70

"Effective Sales Persuasion"

by

Ed Vertisement

written by IN SEINE, 03 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 71

"Too Much To Bear"

by

Harry Kyrie

written by IN SEINE, 04 June 2012
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LA Declares war on Sodas and Snacks

Today LA Mayor Antonio R. Villaraigosa removed all soda and snack machines from parks, libraries and schools. He calls it "Keep our kids off liposuction" campaign. LA plastic surgeons drop support.

written by Heeke, 21 June 2012
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Palestinians Fire Over 80 Rockets At Southern Israel From Gaza

IDF returns fire using captured Palestinian prisoners in catapults..Israeli soldiers stated that this was their capture and release technique. Israel prefers not to hold our enemies.

written by Heeke, 21 June 2012
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Only One in 10 Hit by Doctors Strike

The one-day strike by doctors which was feared by many did not have much effect as only one in 10 people had to suffer. However, this 10% went to see a vet instead and are making a better recovery.

written by IN SEINE, 21 June 2012
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Geology

A large mink-stole was observed on the grounds of PETA headquarters in Norfolk Virginia. Oops that should be a large sink-hole!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 June 2012
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North Pole Purchased by Russian Oligarchs

A Consortium of rich, fat guys has bought the North Pole and are attempting a foreclosure on its only occupants, a Mr. and Mrs. S. Clause. Who the sellers think they are is not clear at this time.

written by Oleg the Tumor, 02 June 2012
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 72

"Beer Making"

by

Bud Wiser

written by IN SEINE, 05 June 2012
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Antony Worrall Thompson Makes Appearance at Illegal Cheese Rolling Event

Well-known cheese lover, Antony Worrall-Thompson turned up at the annual cheese rolling event at Coopers Hill, Gloucestershire which has been cancelled for the last 2 years on health & safety grounds.

written by IN SEINE, 05 June 2012
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Sexy Italian underwear fails to excite English footy fans!

Sex-starved English women are buying up every bit of sexy Italian underwear in a desperate attempt to win over their men. The men are ignoring them, they prefer to win over Italy; si, si Bella!

written by Jaggedone, 22 June 2012
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Martin McGuinness to shake hands with the Queen

Sinn Fein have denied rumours that Mr McGuinness is planning on wearing an electric shock hand buzzer as a way of giving the Queen an amusing little fright.

written by Simon Saunders, 23 June 2012
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Macca fesses up

Sir Paul McCartney has admitted that he is not really the famous Beatle but is in fact Fred Dewksbury of 14 Birmingham Road Everton. He says he assumed the McCartney identity as a dare by his mates.

written by whatinthe world, 06 June 2012
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Deadly 6ft boa constrictor spotted near Harrogate!

Ed Ryder spotted the reptile while out walking with his girlfriend at picturesque Swinsty Reservoir, near Harrogate in North Yorkshire.

"So, not all the snakes are in Parliament then!"

written by Inchcock, 24 June 2012
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Beans on toast is UK's 4th favourite home-meal

Well, amongst the made-redundant benefit claimants, pensioners and Big Issue sellers anyway!

written by Inchcock, 28 June 2012
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Steven Gerrard: I'll never give up my dream of success with England!

Along with a few million unemployed dreaming of getting a job in England?

written by Inchcock, 25 June 2012
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Huge Berlusgonad Shocker

Apparently, he DID shag the teenage beauty.

Jammy old bstard!

written by Blazing Saddle, 10 June 2012
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angry protest once they will to be renamed.

An angry protester tried to stop Cherie Blair from driving some goats across London Bridge to highlight National Widows Day. "It should be renamed National Widowmaker's Day thanks to Tony!" she said.

written by IN SEINE, 24 June 2012
Rating:

Sheep Were NOT Used in Publicity Stunt

It has emerged that sheep were not used in the publicity stunt by Cherie Blair this weekend, simply because the British public are fed up with the Blair's pulling the wool over our eyes.

written by IN SEINE, 24 June 2012
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