Aliens complain after Diane Abbott race slur
MP Diane Abbott, Shadow Health Minister is embroiled in yet another race gaff, referring to 'illegal aliens' when discussing immigration. Intergalactic species have rung Ed Milliband to complain.
British Towns To Scrap Twinning Arrangements With Continental Counterparts
'We are appalled,' said a typical member of a twinning association. 'How will we now get cheap holidays at the expense of local taxpayers?'
Black UK minister is a racist!
Diane Abbot, black UK health minister, is now a racist because she accused white people of fiddling on twitter. What else should you do on twitter? Show your true colours?
Egyptians demand death sentence for near dead Mubarek!
Egyptians are demanding the death sentence for their once so beloved president, Mubarek. They needn't worry, he's half dead already!
The Euro is declining so fast it's nearly invisible!
The UK is gloating over the Euro's decline just waiting for it to disappear, but the Germans are determind to stop it's decline; could this mean WWIII or just a Eurovision "pong" contest!
French retailer uses naked beach prowler to advertise their kiddies collection!
An innocent male beach comber (or prowler) has been used in a photo shoot for advertising French kiddies clothes. The kiddy models didn't see him and he was too busy having a "qui qui" in La mer!
Kanye keeping up with a Kardashian?
Amber Rose says Kanye West and Kim Kardashian slept together back in 2010.
Not sure this is true, he doesn't even follow her on twitter.
Bill Gates 'Be nice to nerds' speech is an 'urban myth'
There you go. Be as nasty as you want to nerds.
Kodak preparing for bankruptcy
Dark days ahead for the photographic firm...
Former News Of The World Editor gets new job
He is to become editor in chief at the New York Daily News - apparently he wasn't getting enough work as a Tom Baker lookalike.
Herman Cain to launch nationwide bus tour
Sounds like a great way to meet (more) women
Cameron - The face of Conservatism
His bland featureless aristocratic Eton-fed face.
Jeremy Clarkson accused of racism over India jibes on Top Gear Christmas special!
Mouthing off about the country's food, clothing, toilets, trains and history in a series of 'Carry On' style jibes.
"Time to leave the man alone I think, 'strewth its only a bit of fun, and he digs at everyone!"
Magpies steal United's jewels!
A swarm of Magpies stole United's jewels last night and the show. In fact United's jewels didn't shine at all, they were being "rubbed" by polished Newcastle!
"Slick" Rick Santorum Places Second In Iowa
Rick Santorum finished in second place in the Iowa Caucus, just a mere 7 votes behind Mitt Romney. He reportedly asked his wife, "Honey, am I really that good?"
Ron Paul Says "Bye-Bye" To Michele Bachmann
Ron Paul commented that now that Michele "Hair Spray" Bachmann has dropped out of the GOP presidential race that means that Mitt Romney and Rick Perry will be splitting the "Hairdo" vote.
Session Number 31 Coming Up
After 30 sessions, a psychiatrist asked his patient if he felt that he had been cured of his indecisiveness. The patient looked around the room and replied, "Gosh doc, I'm not really sure."
Iowa Is Definitely The Corn State
The people of Iowa want their state to be known for other things besides corn. When asked like what they replied "Ahh…well…hmmm…ah…"
The L.A. Arsonist Has Been Caught Red-Handed
The arsonist in Los Angeles who set dozens of fires to property and to automobiles has been caught. When asked by police why he did it, the arsonist replied because he was cold.
The Reason Newt Gingrich Was Glad To See Michele Bachmann Quit
Newt "The Grouch" Gingrich remarked he's glad Minnesota native Michele Bachmann has quit the campaign because she really stunk up the debates with her perfume which he said was Eau du Viking Wench.
Iowa Has Got Corn Up The Silo
Mitt Romney beat the second place finisher Rick Santorum in the Iowa Caucus by just seven votes, which goes to show you that there just aren't a whole lot of people in Iowa.
What Ever Happened To Joan Rivers?
Someone noted that Iowa is to the presidential election like a lesson on charm is to Joan Rivers.