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Samaritans outsource call-centre

The global recession has taken its latest victim by forcing the samaritans to outsource their call centres to space. Martians have been told to expect a greater volume of mistaken phone calls.

written by rajijajuice, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Samaritans outsource call-centre

The global recession has taken its latest victim by forcing the samaritans to outsource their call centres to space. Martians have been told to expect a greater volume of mistaken phone calls.

written by rajijajuice, 28 January 2012
Rating:

England cricket team bowled out for 72.

Trust England to be the only team not to get the runs in Pakistan.

written by radiogagger, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Tents to be banned from Olympic areas.

Damn! I've already signed a contract to let my house out.

written by radiogagger, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Lindsay Lohans dada returns to hospital

Do they get a family rack rate?

written by radiogagger, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Nostalgia

Back to the days when the news was put on paper and the crooks were put in jail.
(Except for you, Richard Nixon. Hot down there, isn't it?)

written by Michael Balton, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Comedian Frank Skinner to be a dad at the age of 55.

Coming soon - The Baby Wants a New Cot and Pram Tour...

written by radiogagger, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Chelsea players refuse to shake hands with John Terry!

At today's game against QPR the Chelsea players refused to shake hands with their captain John Terry; they were frightened their hands might turn a "whiter shade of pale!"

written by Jaggedone, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Flying Dutchman dumps De gea & Co out of cup!

Liverpool's flying Dutchman dumps De gea and Co out of cup. United players forgot to read the script and thought they were still playing Swiss giants FC Basel!

written by Jaggedone, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Jessie Wallace to take break from Eastenders due to exhaustion

She will be replaced by Demi Moore, playing Alfie's American pen-pal.

written by radiogagger, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Sharapova-Azarenka match has more grunting than the average porno

Any blind person within earshot of the Australian Open may have wondered what Sharapova and Azarenka were doing during their match. Both ladies grunted at each other for an hour and 22 minutes.

written by Lyndon, 28 January 2012
Rating:

FA cancel QPR v Chelsea handshake

The handshake will now be played out at a later date, possibly behind closed doors. Or not.

written by radiogagger, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Port Vale to become Stoke Vale

Stoke based football club, Port Vale are the only club in the UK not named after a place. They have asked the FA if this can be changed. "Nobody has a clue where we are," said the chairman.

written by IainB, 28 January 2012
Rating:

27-01-12: Voting Intention Poll UK - Is it valid?

Con's 40%
Labour 40%
LibDem 9%
Others 11%

"It's the choices on offer that causes the problems really!"

written by Inchcock, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Nostalgia

Back to the days when the news was put on paper and the crooks were put in jail.
(Except for you, Richard Nixon. Hot down there, isn't it?)

written by Michael Balton, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Rooney set to miss Liverpool clash after failing to recover from knee and ankle knocks

28.01.12: It's not certain whether the injuries were inflicted by his wife Coleen, or Jennifer the second prostitute he's been caught knocking off!

written by Inchcock, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Minister Grant Shapps: More help for people leaving hospital

Housing Minister Grant Shapps has launched a new deal to help older people to continue living comfortably in their own homes.

"Yes I believe that - like when they said there will not be any increase in VAT - Remember?"

written by Inchcock, 28 January 2012
Rating:

The Arizona Weight Doctors Are Getting Kinda Carried Away

The Medical Agency in Tucson is asking weight doctors to be more careful after two liposuction cases result in one woman having an eardrum sucked out and another having her tonsils sucked out.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 January 2012
Rating:

People Are Starting To Take "Things" Into Their Own Hands

The American Medical Association says that due to the high unemployment rate they are seeing a tremendous increase in do-it-yourself operations for vasectomies, tubal ligations, and breast augmentations.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 January 2012
Rating:

The KKK Is Now Outsourcing

The Ku Klux Klan is reporting that due to a tightening of their budget they will be outsourcing their corporate paperwork to the African country of Upper Shambutu.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 January 2012
Rating:

LeAnn Rimes Eats Like A Hummingbird

LeAnn Rimes, who reportedly weighs 63 pounds, has been signed to star in a new television reality cooking show called Making Fantastic Meals For Just Under $2.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Difference of opinion

A Canterbury plumber has been publically spat at for suggesting that Chaucer was a rogue and that he smelt of shite. He went on to say that organically grown food was worse than everything else. Boo!

written by whatinthe world, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Gingrich convinced he's running against the media

Newt Gingrich has spent so much time and energy declaring war on the media, he seems to have lost focus of the real issue: getting enough sleep so that he can actually compete in another debate.

written by Lyndon, 28 January 2012
Rating:

Barack Obama Sells His New Adventure Series, 'US Navy Seal Team Six', To Network Television

'Episode one, The Bin Laden Affair is hot stuff,' say TV bosses. 'Episode two, Rescue From Somalia, will amaze viewers. The planned third episode, Watch The Skies, Ahmadinejad, must top all ratings.

written by Swan Morrison, 28 January 2012
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