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Rating:

Westminster Goes Roman!

The inevitable division of Scotland from England has prompted UK Defence Secretary, Phillip Hammond, to build a new border wall between the two nations. Hadrian Inc. of Rome has been contracted.

written by iscrivener, 25 January 2012
Rating:

A new survey has found that 68 per cent of British public say they distrust tabloid newspapers.

The other 32% of the population are in straight jackets and not allowed to eat with sharp objects unsupervised.

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Weather Forecasters Must Be More Accountable, Demand Damp Members Of The Public

'Every day they appear on TV, mostly predicting poor weather,' said a spokesman for the weather-using public. 'In any other profession, they would be sacked for such constant admissions of failure.'

written by Swan Morrison, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Who Is To Blame for Economy Stalling?

No way, Roger Daltry and the boys had nothing to do with it, more like that little shit Bieber if you ask me!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 January 2012
Rating:

PMQ's

Cameron accused of 'smug complacency' during Prime Ministers Question time, roughly translated as, feckin' Tory boy arsole

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Psychic Hanged in prison

TV Psychic Paedophile found hanged in prison..boy, bet he never saw that coming!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Bill Gates arrested for wanting to pay more tax!

The FBI have arrested Bill Gates for disturbing the peace and tranquility of the US super-rich; he demands to pay more tax and that's a fiscal felony in the US!

written by Jaggedone, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, Reads A Robert Burns Poem On BBC Radio 4

'I will continue to read Robert Burns' poems at the English,' threatened Mr Salmond, 'until Scotland achieves independence.'

written by Swan Morrison, 25 January 2012
Rating:

He Did Not See That One Coming

Stevie Wonder is to reunite in the studio with Sir Paul McCartney after 30+ years.

written by IN SEINE, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Salmond Announces New Money!

Following his rhetorical speech on Scottish Independence SNP leader Alex Salmond has announced that the new Scottish currency will be in "neeps" and "oats" where ~~100oats = ~1neep.

written by iscrivener, 25 January 2012
Rating:

QPR v Chelsea FA Cup gossip

Anton Ferdinand has told friends he will not shake hands with John Terry on Saturday...
He's been watching you tube clips of Wayne Bridge so he can learn the 'hand swerve'

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

England Euro 2012 squad gossip

England manager Fabio Capello is set to take Arsenal winger Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, 18, to Poland and Ukraine in the summer.
Just hope he don't sub him with Andre Arshavin during the games.

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

GB Olympic football team update

Aston Villa boss Alex McCleish has confirmed that "something like 10" of the club's players have been asked about possible participation at this summer's Olympic Games.
Everyone except Emile Heskey?

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Violent Crime increases in the UK

Muggings, bag snatches and the theft of smart-phones were up 12 per cent to just under 600,000.

"Any politicians reading this might be slightly interested?"

written by Inchcock, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Jason Donovan told to clean up Britain.

A Court ruled that singer and actor Jason Donovan must pay the 3 Million pound bill it costs to clear piles of the singers old albums and tapes left behind by car booters across the uk.

written by Glen Jacobs, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Woman, 85, saves husband by fighting off angry moose with a shovel!

Mrs Taylor (86) ran to the boot of her pick-up truck where she grabbed the shovel to warn off the annoyed animal. Her husband has described his spouse's actions as 'heroic'!

"Amazing woman!"

written by Inchcock, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Paul Daniels chopped off finger with circular saw!

Now that is Magic?
Paul Daniels after accident photo & report

written by Inchcock, 25 January 2012
Rating:

British flags burnt in Argentinian demo!

24 Jan 2012: Demonstrators set fire to Union flags outside the British embassy in Buenos Aires yesterday in protest over the Falkland Islands.

"Oh dear..."

written by Inchcock, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Joan "The Moan" Rivers Is Just Never Happy

Joan Rivers says that she has mixed feelings about having a luxury cruise ship named after her. She said she likes the idea but hates the name, The Royal Bitch of The Caribbean.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

The Elderly Woman Had No Fear At All

An elderly woman in Florida explained to authorities how she was able to fight off a 12 foot alligator. She simply replied that 85 shots from her AK-47 pretty much did the trick.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

A Wife By Any Other Name?

One of Newt Gingrich's former maids stated that in order to keep from getting his present wife's name confused with the names of his previous wives he simply calls his new wife Mrs. G.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Rick Santorum Knows Jon Huntsman Pretty Good

Rick Santorum said that now that Jon Huntsman has dropped out of the GOP presidential race he can return to Utah where his popularity is just below that of an avalanche.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Newt Gingrich Has Had More Than His Share of Wives

After the last GOP presidential debate Mitt Romney reportedly asked Newt Gingrich backstage, "Say fella, with all of the wives you've had, are you sure you ain't a Mormon?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

People Are Finally Starting To Have Second and Third Thoughts

A psychiatrist in Baghdad has said that just since the first of the year he has seen quite an increase in suicide bombers who report they have changed their minds.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Mitt Romney - The Man With The Answers

Mitt Romney was asked if he has ever even seen a food stamp. He giggled and replied that he certainly has and that it is very tiny and has a picture of food on it.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

The Resemblance Was Amazingly Uncanny

Several people in Venice Beach reported seeing the creature from the Black Lagoon. It later turned out that it was only Gary Busey out on a midnight stroll.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Sometimes The Hair Spray Can Have An Adverse Affect

Ron Paul had admitted that he was thrilled to see Michele Bachmann drop out of the GOP race because he once asked her to spell "Huh" backwards and she had to think about it for a few moments.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Newt Gingrich Has Got The Groom Part Down Pretty Good

Ron Paul stated that Newt Gingrich has been married so many times that he actually believes that wedding cake is a member of one of the four basic food groups.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Wayne Rooney now the 4th wealthy footballer!

Dave Beckham £112 million
Michael Owen £37 million
Robbie Fowler £31 million
Wayne Rooney £30 million

"I'm so overjoyed and ecstatic for them!"

written by Inchcock, 25 January 2012
Rating:

19 year old Gemma Baker disguised herself as a boy, to date girls!

She now faces jail after admitting sexual assault.

"Well well, fancy that!"

written by Inchcock, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Radio Times apologise for 'penis photo'

"Jeremy Clarkson has to promote his programmes somehow"

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Nightclub bans skimily dressed mum of 4

I think the pram was blocking an emergency exit...

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Rihanna holiday in Hawaii finishes

Only a month after the rest of us went back to work after christmas and new year, not bad going.

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

England 'better off without the scots' says Alex Salmond

Where do we sign?

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Nick Clegg visits McDonalds head office in Finchley.

Did he leave his cv with them?

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Rihanna and Chris Smith back on?

Is Riri even more stupid than Cheryl Cole?

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Kerry Katona 'dating her stalker'

Well at least until the trial.

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
Rating:

Peter Andre 'Dating Backing Dancer Androulla Erotokritou'

That's easy for you to say. Ya think when he's drunk he just calls her mysterious girl?

written by radiogagger, 25 January 2012
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