What a balls up!
Shadow Chancellor and practising halfwit Ed Ballsup has effectively written Labours suicide note by announcing he would support a pay freeze for Public Sector workers if Labour return to power.
Ed Miliband Suspected Of Being A Weretory
'On the recent full moon he defended a public sector pay freeze,' said one lycanthropist. 'At past full moons he emulated other Tories policies. Some say he even takes the form of Margaret Thatcher.'
Ryan Gigg's brother calls him a worm!
After having an affair with his brother's missus, his brother has now called Ryan a maggot! Ryan's reply was; "well it's all in the family, boyo!"
Sir Alex Ferguson sacked by Man U, he's too young!
Joining the trend of engaging ancient players in Premier league, Man Utd have suddenly sacked Sir Alex Ferguson because he's too young, the new manager is veteran Utd player Sir Bobby Charlton, OAP!
Cockney Sparra' 'Arry Redknapp mugged in Madrid!
Cockney Sparra' Spurs manager, 'Arry Redknapp, was recently mugged in Madrid and has promised never to go for a "shanksies pony" in Spain again, Bow Bells is much safer!
Manchester Tunnel Thought to Be the Work of German POWs
The tunnel which went 100 feet under a car park in Manchester is thought to be the work of some German POWs who still remain imprisoned in name World War II prison camp near Barton airfield.
Manchester Thieves 'Could Be Recruited'
If caught, the Manchester thieves who spent around 6 months digging a 100 foot hole under a car park to get to an ATM machine "could be" recruited to build the HS2 rail link.
Worral-Thompson blames theft on mad cows disease
"That's my cheese and I want it back!"
'Wicksy' back on eastenders
Actor Nick Berry appears in the episode where screen mum Pat Butcher is laid to rest.
It was just for 15 seconds though - so if you blinked you would have missed it in a heartbeat.
Migration to UK is killing off jobs!
Migrants have forced tens of thousands of Britons out of the workplace. 23 fewer jobs for British workers for every 100 migrants from outside EU, says report.
"Hello Mr Cameron, are you listening? - What a daft question!"
NHS carer's doing Nurses jobs!
Unqualified carers are 'doing nurse's jobs', including taking blood samples, reviving patients and supervising entire wards
"Is Cameron aware or bothered - hah, another daft question from me! Sorry."
NHS Hospital made 140 blunders over gran who died!
Christine Lofthouse, was taken to St James's Hospital. She was left on a trolley for hours, not given antibiotics, for a urinary infection, & prescribed the wrong medicine.
Reading this Cameron?