There were 733 spoof news snippets published in January 2012. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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Both Go Hand-In-Hand So To Speak

The Australian government is reporting that the tremendous decline in the emu population is also causing a huge decline in laughter.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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The KKK Is Now Outsourcing

The Ku Klux Klan is reporting that due to a tightening of their budget they will be outsourcing their corporate paperwork to the African country of Upper Shambutu.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 January 2012
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LeAnn Rimes Eats Like A Hummingbird

LeAnn Rimes, who reportedly weighs 63 pounds, has been signed to star in a new television reality cooking show called Making Fantastic Meals For Just Under $2.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 January 2012
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The Most Amazing Stray Cat In The World

Animal shelter workers in San Francisco were skeptical about a stray cat that reportedly traveled all the way from Japan. The skepticism vanished once they heard the cat meowing in Japanese.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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The Arizona Weight Doctors Are Getting Kinda Carried Away

The Medical Agency in Tucson is asking weight doctors to be more careful after two liposuction cases result in one woman having an eardrum sucked out and another having her tonsils sucked out.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 January 2012
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Burger King - The Hamburger Innovator In Home Delivery

Taking a cue from Burger King, who has just introduced their new home delivery called Whoppers on Wheels, Starbucks will soon be unveiling its new Frappuccino Via FedEx.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 January 2012
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People Are Starting To Take "Things" Into Their Own Hands

The American Medical Association says that due to the high unemployment rate they are seeing a tremendous increase in do-it-yourself operations for vasectomies, tubal ligations, and breast augmentations.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 January 2012
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Walmart - The Proven Leader In Shopping Innovations

Walmart in an effort to cut back on expenses has decided to reduce its number of shopping carts by 20 percent. They plan to air commercials asking shoppers to please share carts with other shoppers.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 January 2012
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The Lyrics Are Causing A Bit of A Problem

The Country Music Industry says that in order to try and project a more stable environment it's asking its writers to please cut back on using the words cheatin', drinkin', and spittin'.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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President Obama Is A Wonderful Presidential Dad

President Obama and his family will be visiting Disney World and he remarked that the three kids are really going to have a ball, especially the big kid, Joey Biden.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 January 2012
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Joan "The Moan" Rivers Can Chew 'Em Up and Spit 'Em Out!

Chelsea Handler remarked that her recent meltdown was brought on by the fact that Joan Rivers said that she has all the charm and personality of a Preparation H Suppository.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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What No Rhino or Hippo?

I'm kinda thinking that the very first person who ever said the cliché, "The elephant in the room" had to have been associated with either the circus or else was a jungle native.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 January 2012
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The World's Most Popular Misnamed Fish

Contrary to popular belief, jellyfish do not contain any jelly whatsoever, they do however contain an ever so slight amount of peanut butter.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 January 2012
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Reverend Al Sharpton Speaks Out Again

After hearing that Wikipedia had gone black, Reverend Al Sharpton got all huffy and remarked that the proper term is African-American.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 January 2012
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Let's See Now, What's That Saying?

A man in Detroit who kept getting lemons handed to him by life has reportedly OD'd on lemonade.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 January 2012
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Ron Paul Is Good At Spotting The Difference

Ron Paul, who is perhaps the cleverest of all of the GOP candidates, said that the only difference between Mitt Romney and a department store mannequin is that the mannequin does not have any hair.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 January 2012
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Pakistan Has Put Its Foot Down

Karachi, Pakistan is putting an end to its weekend elephant races after it was discovered that two of the elephants tested positive for alcohol.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 January 2012
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Jon Huntsman Makes A Very Good Linguistic Point

Jon Huntsman says that another reason why he should be elected president is because he already speaks Chinese, which within 5 years will become the second language of most Americans.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 January 2012
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Alec Baldwin Could Soon Become A "Non-Flyer"

Alec Baldwin has been banned by yet a third airline. If this keeps up he may end up having to travel from Los Angeles to New York City by Greyhound Bus.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 January 2012
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The Expert From Paris, France

Authorities in Idaho have reported that they have broken up a counterfeit potato ring. The group was caught thanks to the diligent work of one of the world's leading French Fry investigators.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 January 2012
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Mitt Romney Is A Whole Lot Richer Than He $ays

Mitt Romney is so rich that he hires gardeners who have their own gardeners.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 January 2012
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Mitt Romney Gets Another Endorsement

And yet another noted individual has endorsed Mitt Romney. Charles Manson said he hopes Mitt is elected president because he knows that he'll let him out of prison because he told him so in a dream.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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Mitt Romney Has A "Short" Fuse

Mitt Romney was quite upset after winning the New Hampshire primary after Ron Paul pointed out that New Hampshire is a very small state. Romney looked at Paul and said "So what's your point Shorty?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 January 2012
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They Say It's No Laughing Matter

Arizona has stated that they are banning the fad of binge tickling on all of its university campuses. They said that the loud laughing was making residents of New Mexico very nervous.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 January 2012
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The GOP Presidential Debates Are Now In Reruns

Well it has now become official. The GOP Presidential Debates are even more boring than those tacky All-State "Mayhem" commercials.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 January 2012
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Rep. Barney Frank Clears Up The Rumor

Rep. Barney Frank says that the rumor that he wants to adopt Clay Aiken is false. He then added that it's Adam Lambert that he wants to adopt.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 January 2012
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Michele Bachmann Is Once Again A Very Happy Female

Michele Bachmann says she is happy that she decided to drop out of the Republican race because now she no longer has to answer any questions on her silly-as-hell looking hairdo.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 January 2012
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Khloe Kardashian Will Be Starring In Yet Another Show

Khloe Kardashian, who at 5-foot-10-inches tall really does not resemble any of her sisters at all, has agreed to appear in a new reality game show called, Okay, Try To Guess Who My Real Daddy Is?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 January 2012
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The FBI Is Looking Into Traces of DNA

The U.S. Government said the unmanned drone that crash landed in Arizona did not come from Pakistan as had been originally believed. Reports are that it came from either Bolivia or the South Pole.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 January 2012
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President Bush Simply Shook His Head In Astonishment

It has just been revealed that Dubai was going to be renamed Dubya in honor of President George Bush but the idea was dropped when his mother Barbara Bush wrote a letter of protest.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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Seeing is "BeeLieving"

Bee experts say that honeybees actually have hair on their eyes which explains why some people have actually found little itty bitty curlers in their jars of honey.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 January 2012
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Mitt Romney And His $10,000 Bets

Mitt Romney reportedly bet Rick Perry $10,000 that John Huntsman will be the next GOP presidential candidate to drop out of the race.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 January 2012
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The DEA Said That It Gave It The Good Old Boy Try

The U.S. DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration's) new drug sniffing cow has not worked out due to the fact that it keeps stampeding.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 January 2012
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The Occupy Wall Street Movement Welcomes Everyone

The oldest Occupy Wall Street protester is 97-years-old. When he was asked why he is protesting he replied, "Why is who protesting what?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 January 2012
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It Does Take A Lot To Impress Michelle Obama's Hubby

The word is that President Obama was not really too impressed with Disney World and is considering selling it to China for $900,000.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 January 2012
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Rick Perry Will Finally Be Able To Get Back To His Main Priority

Rick Perry says that now that he has dropped out of the GOP presidential race he will have a lot more time to get back to carry out his 'executions' which he has kinda been ignoring a bit.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 January 2012
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Sarah Palin - The Wilderness Queen of Alaska Is Getting Itchy

Sarah Palin texted Bill O'Reilly and said if he can convince Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum to drop out of the GOP race she may consider coming back to America and running.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 January 2012
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You Cannot Pull Nothing Over On Sarah "Snowflake" Palin

Nancy Pelosi recently stated that Florida was bigger than England. Sarah Palin wanting to show her geographical expertise added, "And China is bigger than Connecticut."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 January 2012
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President Obama Has Found Another Way To Save Money

President Obama has announced that he will be eliminating the Department of Stress. The department has proved to be very costly and it has actually caused a lot more stress than it has prevented.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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Good Olde Australia Comes Through

The United States has asked Australia for a loan. Australia says that it cannot really afford to send money but that instead it will be FedExing 15 kangaroos, 20 koala bears, and 40 boomerangs.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2012
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Mickey D's Is Helping The Economy

McDonald's has announced that they will be hiring over one million new employees in 2012. They stressed that they hope that this will raise the average age of a McDonald's employee from 13 to 15.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 January 2012
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The Whoppers Aren't Exactly Whopping

Burger King has announced that they will be laying off 100,000 employees before the summer. McDonald's plans to hire most of them since they are already French Fry trained.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 January 2012
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"Leave It To Beaver"

Rick Perry says that the big difference between Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum is that Mitt Romney looks like Ward Cleaver and Rick Santorum looks like June Cleaver.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 January 2012
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Mexico Will Not Be A Happy Camper Country

The Republic of Mexico has stated that if they are invaded by the United States that Mexico will curtail its U.S. exports of tequila, jumping beans, and auto mechanics.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
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Tim Tebow Is One Awesome Hombre

Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow is an amazing athlete who played with hurt ribs, lungs, and chest. And that's refreshing in this day in age when some players sit out a game due to hurt feelings.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 January 2012
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The Opportunistic Domnica Cermotan

The girlfriend of the captain of The Costa Concordia who was with him when the ship hit the rock has been offered $685 to appear in a nude layout in Playboy. She has reportedly accepted the offer.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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The Moon to be 51st State

After hearing Newt Gingrich's comments the other day, the US is prepared to colonize the moon thus making it the 51st state in the Union.

written by Ellie James, 27 January 2012
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Joan "The Moan" Rivers Is Just Never Happy

Joan Rivers says that she has mixed feelings about having a luxury cruise ship named after her. She said she likes the idea but hates the name, The Royal Bitch of The Caribbean.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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Newt Gingrich Had Some Kinda Odd Role-Playing Going On There

Newt Gingrich's second ex-wife said that when they were first married he liked to play a strange game where he was Captain Kangaroo and she was Mr. Green Jeans.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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Wenger Blames Global Warming For Recent Poor Form

"Well I've blamed everything else for us being a bit crap so why not this?" said the runny-nosed Gallic numpty last night

written by Clive Danton, 14 January 2012
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Vicar Converts Shed Into Brothel

"I used to keep garden tools and spare cassocks in the shed but now it's a thriving rub and tug shop and I'm pimping for 6 bitches! I cant wait to tell the bishop!"

written by Clive Danton, 20 January 2012
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Guatemala Is A Fun-Filled Place

The tiny country of Guatemala states that they have just developed a nuclear bomb. An hour later they reply, "Just kidding gringos!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2012
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Marian Shields Robinson Has A Very Unique Job

Ann "Jemima" Dayskill, the White House chief cook, says that there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons in the White House. She said Michelle Obama's mama gets paid to count them every three days.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 January 2012
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Home Runs Aren't As Easy As They Used To Be

A recent survey on dating by women in their late 20s shows that 80% are now waiting until at least the third date before they allow their boyfriends to get to third base.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 January 2012
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Mitt Romney Is Looking To Get The Pope's Endorsement

Mitt Romney is so upset at losing to Newt Gingrich in the South Carolina primary that he told his wife that he may change his religion from Mormon to Catholic.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 January 2012
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Local Man Has Adequate Insurance Cover

Threatens to lump opera singing moustachioed twat off TV ads if he keeps sending spam emails.

written by Skoob1999, 13 January 2012
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The Man Is One Boring GOPer

Late-night talk show hosts absolutely hate Mitt Romney because they say that he is about as funny as a handful of ocean seaweed.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 January 2012
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Man Loses Letter "C" from Keyboard

"It's been an absolute unt ever sine I bought the fuker" he said last night

written by Clive Danton, 27 January 2012
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Silent Movie Set For Clean Sweep At Oscars

A delighted movie insider said last night "....................................!"

written by Clive Danton, 24 January 2012
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A Wife By Any Other Name?

One of Newt Gingrich's former maids stated that in order to keep from getting his present wife's name confused with the names of his previous wives he simply calls his new wife Mrs. G.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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US Marines Urinate On Slain Taliban

A Pentagon source explained "The boys were just trying to disinfect their beards before handing them over to their grieving families....honest"

written by Clive Danton, 12 January 2012
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Iowa Is Definitely The Corn State

The people of Iowa want their state to be known for other things besides corn. When asked like what they replied "Ahh…well…hmmm…ah…"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 January 2012
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Captain Francesco Schettino Is A Persona Non Grata

The captain of the Costa Concordia asked the producers of Dancing With The Stars if he could appear on the show. The producers replied "Hell no! Have you got rocks in your head or what?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 January 2012
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Rick Santorum Knows Jon Huntsman Pretty Good

Rick Santorum said that now that Jon Huntsman has dropped out of the GOP presidential race he can return to Utah where his popularity is just below that of an avalanche.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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World's First Hybrid Shark Discovered

The worlds first hybrid shark has been found off the East Coast of Australia. The Black Tipped Shark does not run on petrol, diesel or electricity - believe it or not, it runs on water, yes, SEAWATER.

written by IN SEINE, 03 January 2012
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The Elderly Woman Had No Fear At All

An elderly woman in Florida explained to authorities how she was able to fight off a 12 foot alligator. She simply replied that 85 shots from her AK-47 pretty much did the trick.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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Sarah Palin Continues To Pat Herself On Her Back

Dinosaur footprints were recently found in northern Alaska. Sarah Palin immediately remarked "Ya see, I knew I was right about global warming all along."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 January 2012
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It Was Amazing How The Man Managed To Stay On!

Authorities in Lower Zamgola have outlawed energy drinks after a homeless man drinks seven of them and ends up riding a giraffe all over town for four hours while yelling out "Tarzan ain't shit!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2012
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Anthony Worrall-Thompson's Recipe for Welsh Rarebit

… First, take some cheese.

written by IN SEINE, 09 January 2012
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Chelsea Handler Ain't No Match For Queen Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers, who is known as "The Queen of Mean," said if Chelsea Handler wants to play hardball then she had first better get herself some womanly tits instead of the Elton John man boobs she's got.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 January 2012
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Newt Gingrich Has Had More Than His Share of Wives

After the last GOP presidential debate Mitt Romney reportedly asked Newt Gingrich backstage, "Say fella, with all of the wives you've had, are you sure you ain't a Mormon?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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People Are Finally Starting To Have Second and Third Thoughts

A psychiatrist in Baghdad has said that just since the first of the year he has seen quite an increase in suicide bombers who report they have changed their minds.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio Strikes Again

Since he dresses male convicts in feminine pink, Arizona Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio says he will begin dressing the female convicts in masculine camouflage.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 January 2012
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Mitt Romney - The Man With The Answers

Mitt Romney was asked if he has ever even seen a food stamp. He giggled and replied that he certainly has and that it is very tiny and has a picture of food on it.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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The Resemblance Was Amazingly Uncanny

Several people in Venice Beach reported seeing the creature from the Black Lagoon. It later turned out that it was only Gary Busey out on a midnight stroll.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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Kim Kardashian Is Not Liked In Colorado

The state of Colorado has outlawed the making of snowmen in the likeness of Kim Kardashian. A spokesperson said that due to Kim's gigantic ass the snow person would take up way too much snow.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2012
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Manchester Thieves 'Could Be Recruited'

If caught, the Manchester thieves who spent around 6 months digging a 100 foot hole under a car park to get to an ATM machine "could be" recruited to build the HS2 rail link.

written by IN SEINE, 15 January 2012
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Session Number 31 Coming Up

After 30 sessions, a psychiatrist asked his patient if he felt that he had been cured of his indecisiveness. The patient looked around the room and replied, "Gosh doc, I'm not really sure."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 January 2012
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Ron Paul Says "Bye-Bye" To Michele Bachmann

Ron Paul commented that now that Michele "Hair Spray" Bachmann has dropped out of the GOP presidential race that means that Mitt Romney and Rick Perry will be splitting the "Hairdo" vote.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 January 2012
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Pay as you mow.

Electrical giant Bosh yesterday revealled that there top of the range lawnmowers would be available on a pay as you go bases. Top ups can then be purchased depending on the size of your lawn.

written by Glen Jacobs, 30 January 2012
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Ex-RBS Chairman, Fred Goodwin Is Severely Limited on His Employment

Disgraced Royal Bank of Scotland chief executive, "Fred the Shred" Goodwin, is no longer available to work the knight shift… For obvious reasons!

written by IN SEINE, 31 January 2012
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Idaho's Fitting Tribute

After years of debates, the state of Idaho has finally agreed to make French Fries the state food.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 January 2012
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Tesco in Oxford Has Pest Control Problems

The pest control officer who works at Tesco in Oxford has met with a serious problem - the bait on all its mousetraps has been disappearing since mid-December.

written by IN SEINE, 10 January 2012
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The Check-Writing Joe Biden

Delaware states that they need $21 million to upgrade their Delaware Punch factories. Vice-President Joe Biden, a Delaware native, quickly writes them a check.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2012
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New Best-Selling Book Comes onto Market

Amazon.com have announced that a new book has become an overnight sensation by selling over 1 million copies in one hour. The book is called: "Once a knight is never enough!" By Fred the Shred

written by IN SEINE, 31 January 2012
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Robbery in Milton Keynes Fabric Shop

Today I saw a robbery take place at a fabric shop in the centre of Milton Keynes. The police apprehended the robber and when his case comes to court I will be called as a material witness.

written by IN SEINE, 03 January 2012
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Vice-President Joe Biden Has Two New Year's Resolutions

Vice-President Joe Biden has said that he has two New Year's resolutions for 2012. The first is to cut back on his six-burger-a-day habit and his second is to get more involved in government issues.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 January 2012
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Donald Trump Is Not A Happy Billionaire Camper

Donald Trump's New Year's resolution is to ignore the hair haters and to do his best to kick every GOP presidential hopeful's arrogant, Trump Debate-ignoring ass.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 January 2012
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Hank Williams Jr. Has Got The Right Idea

Hank Williams Jr., has said that his New Year's resolution is to self-impose a four-second word delay in his mouth.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 January 2012
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Nicole Scherzinger Says She Will Definitely Make The Effort

Nicole Scherzinger says that her New Year's resolution is to stop using so much spray on tanning spray because people are starting to call her the female George Hamilton.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 January 2012
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The Mathematically Gifted Paris Hilton Has Spoken (Again)

Paris Hilton has stated that her number one New Year's resolution is to find a way to raise her IQ from the low 70s to at least somewhere up in the high 60s.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 January 2012
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Gloria Allred Is Always Looking For The Dollar $ign$

Famed attorney Gloria Allred was asked what her wish for the New Year is. She grinned and said to please, please, please get a phone call from Vane$$a Bryant.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 January 2012
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BBC boss admits to 61% repeats on tv



BBC boss admits to 61% repeats on tv (r)

written by radiogagger, 11 January 2012
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The Pill Works But...

A group of research scientists in Wales have discovered a pill that completely cures athletes foot in 15 seconds. But unfortunately it only works on athletes.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 January 2012
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The New Product Will Benefit The Occupy Wall Streeters

A national retail store in California has started selling a new product called Occupy Wall Street Pepper Spray. A portion of the proceeds will go towards buying the OWSers jackets, coats, and pot.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2012
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Herman Cain Is Still Lurking Around

Michele Bachmann says that she is glad to finally be out of politics and has stated that she just wishes Herman Cain would stop calling her up and asking her out on a date.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2012
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Sometimes The Hair Spray Can Have An Adverse Affect

Ron Paul had admitted that he was thrilled to see Michele Bachmann drop out of the GOP race because he once asked her to spell "Huh" backwards and she had to think about it for a few moments.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 January 2012
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A Pill for Dieting without Exercising

Scientists have developed a pill which can cause the obese to lose weight without even exercising. The problem is that the pill will be so expensive that you will not be able to afford to buy food!

written by IN SEINE, 12 January 2012
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The Egg-Laying Hens Had A Feeling of Deja Vu

The recent 4.7 earthquake that hit Arkansas caused thousands of chicken eggs to leave the nest and go back inside the egg laying hens, confusing the chickens all to hell!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2012
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Milton Keynes Man Caught in EBay Scam

A Milton Keynes man bought the original script for the new film, "The Artist". Much to his surprise, it came in the post yesterday… as a ream of blank A4 paper. Needless to say he was speechless!

written by IN SEINE, 17 January 2012
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