Rev Ian Paisley in hospital after 'heart attack'
He has a heart?
Denise Welch announces split from husband
"Form an orderly queue lads - i'll get to ya as soon as I can"
Nascar: DRIVE4COPD 300 - Race Cars To Be Replaced By Turtles
The 120 lap 300 mile race at Daytona is to be held 2/25/2012. Race completion and winner suspected to be announced sometime in 2014. Kyle Busch protested by crying and holding his breath.
Police To Start Using A New Less Than Less Lethal Weapon
Due to accusations of police brutality cops are now equipped with turkey feathers. Tests have shown that criminals if tickled submit to officers because they can't breath through their laughter.
Mentos And Diet Coke - Lockheed Martin Colaboration
F-22s are now going green. They will no longer contribute to climate change because their engines are being replaced with large Coke bottles. To throttle up the pilot releases mentos into the bottle.
Disney To Build A Roller Coaster To Mimic The US National Debt
Disney has hired Stengel Engineering to design a coaster to educate park visitors on the size of the National Debt. Skeptics say the ride won't be any fun being that it only goes and never comes down.
Iran ban The Simpsons!
Iran have banned The Simpsons because they're too western and pornographic, they prefer transmitting hours of live televised prayers from Mecca, it's healthier for the mind!
That will be Two Bristols, please
Bristol are launching their own currency, with the backing of the council and a credit union.
The "Bristol Pound" will be printed in notes, and also traded electronically.
The Queen celebrates 60 year on the Throne.....proudly sponsored by Andrex......."you go gal!"
Sir Alex Ferguson criticises assistant ref after Man Utd draw
"His name is Darren Cann - but it should be Darren Cannot"
Katy Perry's life may become Hollywood film.
Who will play Russel Brand? Adam Sandler maybe?
TV-reared children are unable to read Charles Dickens, says author.
'Charles who? is he on twitter then?'
Supreme Court joins Twitter
No news yet on the Diana Ross court
Superbowl XLVI reminds folks that no one can read Roman numerals any more
In a country where XL can only be found on the tag of someone's shirt, another Superbowl came and went with fans everywhere wondering what the hell all those letters after "Superbowl" meant.
written by Lyndon
, 06 February 2012
Gems and Opals
Police recovered a small sock containing a couple of stolen gems and opals belonging to an Arab gentlemen. "We exchanged them at a pawn shop for a lovely sum of money" said Private Constable Plod.
Cathedral verger groped married woman's breasts!
Cathedral verger 'groped married woman's breasts shortly before service was due to start'
Daily Mail - Groping verger
Must have been short on Choirboys that day?
US man charged with eating brains of his homeless murder victim
A US man charged with hacking a homeless man to death with an axe and eating his brain was ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.
"Bet he gets compensation if he catches Huntington's Disease!"