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Ozone Police Report Trouble

The Ozone Police say they have arrested a gang of teens that were holding a secret farting contest in Clarksville, Tennessee last night. Police credit fart-sniffing dog, "Snuffles" for his help.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Like? Dislike?

GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney and Donald Trump are now friends on Facebook!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Food Police In W. Va.!

Food police replace another homemade lunch, this time in West Virginia. "Old Teach just wanted my Mountain Oysters", stated 19-year-old Seventh Grader.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Breakdown in Cameron-Salmond Talks

Discussions between the Prime and First Ministers have broken down over the subject of Scotland's rights were it to split from the Union. "Neither party wanted Berwick-upon-Tweed." said a spokesman.

written by poio27, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Rosanne Barr For President

Rosanne Barr has decided to run for President under the "New Ass" Party. "I'm out to reach the cellulite crowd", she tells reporters.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

UFO Crash In Arkansas

UFO Explodes And Crashes In Arkansas!."We'll get those jaspers", proclaims county sheriff. "They can't hide because all us regular Arkansas people look alike."

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

US Troop Withdrawals!

President Obama stated today that he will soon be withdrawing US troops out of Afghanistan as well as Iraq. "They have been there several years, but those in Korea & Germany have waited a long time."

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Murdoch says arrested Sun journalists can return to work

As long as they don't sell their story to the Sunday Mirror.

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Tesco advertise night shift job for 'expenses' only

Well, at least be thankful for the expenses - you know what they say - every little helps...

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Paul/Gingrich In Agreement?

Ron Paul: "Why can't we put into our bodies whatever we want?" "And as much as we want", counters Newt Gingrich, as he holds up a pork chop!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
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Parents Are Swingers

Girl, 15, finds out parents are swingers when she turns on TV and sees mother in cage and father as Batman in sex show. "No wonder they named me Robin", says tearful teen.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Rangers chairman explains 'unaccounted money'

"We bought Carlos Tevez for £24 million but he never turned up!"

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Sun on Sunday to launch 'very soon'

You know, probably on a sunday.

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Don't Do Drugs!

'Don't do drugs!' Man with half a head explains how he got bizarre injury after crashing car while stoned. 'I've half a mind to show my other injuries!'

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Iranian in Thai Bombing to Plead Guilty

The lawyer for the 28-year-old Iranian Saeid Moradi, whose legs were blown off, after hurling a bomb at Thai police, said, "He hasn't got a leg to stand on."
[and the courtroom let out a groan]

written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Hillary Clinton Finally Surfaces

Sec. of State Clinton prior to the arrival of China's Xi Jinping has not been seen for months. Not to alarm Bill but it's about the same time we haven't seen or heard from Arnold Schwarzenegger

written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Rating:

CBS Announces End of Reality Show "Survivor"

The 25th and final installment of the successful series will take place in Syria

written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Should Snippet Take on Twitter?

Snippet started in 2001 - limit 200 characters. Twitter started in 2006 - limit 140 characters.Helloooo!! Owners, I smell lawsuit

written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Heather Mills Demands apology from Piers Morgan

Ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, Mills, is ready to topple over after Morgan's comment, "the only job she's good for is at IHOP."

written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Greeks are losing belief in their state!

The Greeks are losing belief in their state and have asked their Albanian neighbours to take over. They've got nothing to lose either!

written by Jaggedone, 17 February 2012
Rating:

List of stars named for Whitney's funeral!

A list of Whitney's friends has been drawn up for the funeral and Bobby Brown is taking care of the catering, he's promising a super menu of 'white sugar' and the stars can sniff all they want!

written by Jaggedone, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Seb Coe caught nicking Greek Olympic artefacts!

Olympics guru, Seb Coe, has been caught light-footed nicking artefacts from the Greek olympic museum. He hoped that by parading the artefacts they would at least make the London Olympics credible??

written by Jaggedone, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Blame Monotone Of Senator's Voices

Two former Air Traffic workers, accused of sleeping on the job, fall asleep during Senate Hearing.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Dutch Prince hit by an avalanche!

Dutch Prince Friso has been hit by an avalanche, luckily he was in flat Holland at the time otherwise it could have been nasty!

written by Jaggedone, 17 February 2012
Rating:

German President resigns and Hitler has been offered the post!

The German President, Herr Wulff, has resigned because he was corrupt. You can say what you like about Adolf, but he wasn't corrupt, nasty yes. So the Germans are giving him another chance!

written by Jaggedone, 17 February 2012
Rating:

The Sun to appear on Sundays!

No more cloudy days on Sunday because Rupert Murdoch, alias God, is allowing The Sun to shine and it won't be tapping anybody's telephones because Sunday is "holey", just like Murdoch's conscience!

written by Jaggedone, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Former NOTW journo Neville Thurbeck unvieled as Theatre critic for The Surrey Comet.

Neville's back in the big time!

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Students Told To Hop It !

The Gibson School district in Owensboro, Ky. shuts down due to immense frog. I'm sorry, that should be dense fog.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Chris Huhne and ex-wife in appear in court

"Whose gonna drive you home tonight?" *

* classic 80s song line from band 'The Cars'...

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Toasts President With Beer

US Fighter Jets intercept man in lawn chair with attached helium balloons approaching Air Force One.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Rangers deducted 10 points for going into administration.

Call me shrewd but now could be a good time to bet on Celtic to win the SPL.

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Murdoch tells staff: Sun on Sunday to launch 'very soon'

Not a very catchy name.
They should have gone with an anagram of 'News Of The World' like 'Folders Went How?' or 'Deft Owner Howls'

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Murdoch addresses Sun staff in Wapping

Extra security brought in to search for custard pies...

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

The Way Forward

A friendship which began in College last year, ended up in matrimony yesterday.

written by IN SEINE, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Lin Smashes Stereotypes!

Asian-Americans rejoice as Lin smashes stereotypes..especially after Playgirl Magazine centerfold.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Took Some Guts To Do!

New Jersey Assembly passes gay marriage bill, gas!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Thai cops: Iran suspects cavorted with prostitutes!

Claim they were only practicing up for the 72 virgins.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Was Charlie Chaplin French? ask FBI to MI5

No they reply, it was just the way he combed his moustache.

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Senator McConnell Sporting Two Black Eyes!

Congress moves toward ending payroll tax cut fight! This after over 50% sent to area hospitals over injuries.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Spoof snippet fails to get a single rating.

It must have been really rubbish.

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Bad News For GOP

Obama poised to win 2012 election with 303 electoral votes: The Arkansas Hog Farmer's Journal Monthly! GOP candidates might as well call it quits!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Blow to Merkel as German president resigns

To spend more time with his 'favours'

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

At Least Obama Gave 1% To Charity!

Romney adviser swats Santorum over small charitable giving. Santorum answers with "Why should I support the Mormon Church?"

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Britain and France speed up plans for joint military operations

Just need to teach the troops 'Franglais'

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Official: Iran Has Capability To Hit US Targets!

But say they will honor separate treaty with US Wal-Marts!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

US Debaters, Take Notice

Venezuela's Chavez Calls Presidential Rival a 'Low-Life Pig' that been castrated and smells like hog hockey! Now THERE'S an interesting primary for you.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Syria Severely Warned By UN

The UN today told the Syrian Ambassador that, unless they stop killing their own people, his keys to the executive bathroom will be taken from him.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Watchdog tells energy firms to cut prices or else

Or else... errr.. we'll get very annoyed!

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

BBC canteen joins twitter...

Expect even longer queues than normal *
and the usual disclaimer 'not the opinions of my employer'

* don't worry it's a parody account.

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Gloom on the job front!

15 Feb 2012: The Government was braced for more bad news on jobs today with figures expected to show 88,000 more unemployed.

"As if they were bothered!"

written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Rating:

The Man Who Doesn't Feel Cold

Dutchman Wim Hof (48), also known as the Iceman, is the man that swam under ice, and stood in bins filled with ice.

He thrive, in temperatures that could be fatal to the average person.

written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Amanda Knox signs book deal

Apparently she's going to use the same ghost writer as OJ Simpson... *

* He penned a book titled "If I Did It" about the murder of his ex-wife and her lover.

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Redknapp says part-time England role possible for Euros

Someone better tell Harry you still have to pay tax on part-time jobs...

written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Foreign Workers Scandal

Foreigners are now snatching 590 jobs every day as Britain's unemployment crisis worsens with 2.67 million now out of work.

"Bless them!"

written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Failed Asylum seeker set himself on fire - sues for compensation!

Algerian Abdel Zahali, 51, is demanding £50,000 in damages, saying his human rights were breached.

"The worlds gone mad!"

written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Pensioner beaten black & blue with her walking stick!

Mrs Mayger, 73, has concussion, severe bruising and 2 black eyes when one of the 2 thugs hit her twice around the head with the stick and punched her as they forced entry into her home.

"Sickening!"

written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Artist paints with beer, not paint!

Artist 38-year-old Karen Eland, paints pictures with beer instead of paint, said "I pour out some beer and start dipping my brush and painting."

I wonder if she's done any paintings of the piste?"

written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Rating:

Underwear Bomber Jailed for Life

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's cellmate said, "This bitch is gonna wear a banana hammock six days of the week & tighty whities on Sunday, or my name ain't Munchkin Butt."

written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Rating:

UK signs French nuclear concord

"We had no idea they were building one," says David Cameron, "but we were happy to autograph it just the same."

written by Roy Turse, 17 February 2012
Rating:

What's With The Clapping?

Apparently a N. Korean plastic surgeon once removed fat from Kim Jong-un buttocks & injected it into his face. However, once he saw the size of his cheeks, he had it reversed, while still clapping.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
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