'Move here' Boris tells Paris banks
"We've even got a few used knighthoods going spare if ya want em"
Kim Kardashian ignores a homeless man in a wheelchair
That'll teach him (a homeless man) not to carry a camera!
Paris Hilton dresses up for a trip to the gas station
you never know when you might need to borrow a nickel from another driver if you accidentally go over...
Everybody at RBS to lose knighthoods.
The tea lady is going ot be gutted.
Four admit campaign to bomb London and Boris Johnson.
Thousands of Londoners admit wish to throw Boris Johnson in the Thames...
BBC sport website 'gets a makeover'
Red background to yellow. Is they how they spend our licence fee? Who redesigned it? Gok Wan????
Leveson inquiry to be made into a panel show
Ian Hislop to captain one team with Anne Diamond guest.
Kelvin McKenzie to captain second team with Greg Dyke guest.
Piers Morgan chairman by satellite link up, surrounded by bottles of water.
Leveson inquiry to be made into a sitcom
Steve Coogan to play himself.
Director of the BBC to be played by David Schneider.
Leveson inquiry to be made into a film.
Hugh Grant to play himself.
Jude Law turns down part of Piers Morgan.
#womanontheleft to be played by Clare Grogan.
Leveson inquiry to be made into a musical
Charlotte Church will play herself.
Man on the Clapham Omnibus gets own reality tv show
Already sounds more interesting than 'The Only Way Is Essex'
John Terry denies race charge
"I'm afraid it's not true - I wont be running the 100 metres at the Olympics as I'll be in court that week"
French Presidency: Candidate flour-bombed by woman
Did she confuse him with Rupert Murdoch?
Girls Aloud member jokes Cheryl Cole likes phone sex!
I thought i recognised that voice when i rang my banks call centre...
Cheryl Cole denies relationship with Mc Harvey
"I've never even been to Scotland"
Swedish cannibal and vampire to marry; bloody hell!
A marriage not made in heaven, is about to happen in a Swedish loony bin. On the menu is freshly sliced brain, bacon butt-ends, from her butt and fresh blood to rinse it all down, BURP!
Tiger bread or giraffe bread? Only 3 year-olds know the difference!
Sainsbury's have been forced to withdraw their Tiger Bread and have relabelled it Giraffe Bread because a tiger has stripes and a giraffe huge spots. It needed 3 year old girl to "spot" the error!
David Blunkett renews contract as News International adviser
The blind leading the selectively blind???
New series of Just A Minute to be recorded in Mumbai
don't phone your bank your bank tomorrow, all the call centre staff will be at the show recording.
Former RBS boss Fred Goodwin stripped of knighthood
That was one hell of a stagnight.
Cash for childcare is slashed by George Osborne
He's ruthlessly slashing childcare funding despite pledging millions to help hard-up families, it was revealed.
"Now why I wonder should a millionaire minister do such a thing?"
Four out of five UK criminals using a knife - not imprisoned!
Criminals, gangsters, burglars, muggers, pimps etc... Welcome to Britain!
All Cats Look A Like
Rick Santorum has accused Ron Paul of importing a cat from Siam. Paul shook his head and replied, "Ricky boy, get with the program, it's a Siamese Cat for goodness sakes."
Shakira - The Woman With The 124-MPH Hips
Police in Beverly Hills are investigating claims that after a woman took away her 9-year-old son's Shakira poster he became so upset that he threw three goldfish and four guppies at her.
Vanna White Reveals A Secret
Vanna White of The Wheel of Fortune has just announced that she has suddenly developed a phobia about letters and that she may have to end up having to quit her job as a letter turner.
So Governor Jan Brewer Wanted To Play Hardball Huh?
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer says that just because she had a little run in with President Obama that she now has to provide the government with a birth certificate and three credit cards.
It's All About Pudding
The U.S. Library of Congress acting in the interest of better nutritional habits has decided to replace the old cliché, "The proof is in the pudding" with "The proof is in the diet pudding."
The Pancakes Will Still Taste The Same
IHOP, the International House of Pancakes, in an effort to prevent a lawsuit, is dropping the name International and replacing it with the more politically correct National.