Spoof news snippets from February 2012
There were 1,193 spoof news snippets published in February 2012. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Star Jones Knows Her Pastries
Star Jones who has really started to pack on the pounds stated that she will be the hostess of A&E's America's Biggest Damn Cupcakes.
Who Really Cares About Donald "The Hairdo From Hell" Trump
Donald Trump endorsing Mitt Romney makes about as much sense as someone inviting Hitler to a Bar Mitzvah.
The Celebrities Were All Kind Of On The Shy Side
A FOX Network spokesperson revealed that plans for their new show Celebrity Cellulite have been scrapped since the producers could not get even one celebrity who was willing to appear on the show.
Paula Abdul May Be Making Yet Another Comeback
Paula Abdul, who was recently fired by Simon Cowell from X-Factor, has been asked to interview for the host's job on the new Bravo reality singing show titled, 1,2,3, Sing Your Vocal Chords Off!
You Cannot Say That Certain "T" Word In Iowa
The governor of Iowa has just banned the use of the word "Twitter." He is reported to have stated that the word just has that curse word sound about it.
Shakira - The Woman With The 124-MPH Hips
Police in Beverly Hills are investigating claims that after a woman took away her 9-year-old son's Shakira poster he became so upset that he threw three goldfish and four guppies at her.
The Illegal Aliens Just Keep On Going North
Many illegal aliens from Mexico, El Salvador, and Guatemala are having a hard time finding jobs in America so they are sneaking into Canada and working in the igloo construction business.
Vanna White Reveals A Secret
Vanna White of The Wheel of Fortune has just announced that she has suddenly developed a phobia about letters and that she may have to end up having to quit her job as a letter turner.
Ron Paul Comments About Mickey and Donald
Congressman Ron Paul says he wants everyone to know that the rumors that he will be running campaign ads on The Disney Channel are totally false.
Entry-Level NASA Employee Leaks: Space is Made Up
Lower-level Nasa employee has written an anonymous letter to TheSpoof indicating that while all this time we believed in space, it does not actually exist.
It's All About Pudding
The U.S. Library of Congress acting in the interest of better nutritional habits has decided to replace the old cliché, "The proof is in the pudding" with "The proof is in the diet pudding."
All Cats Look A Like
Rick Santorum has accused Ron Paul of importing a cat from Siam. Paul shook his head and replied, "Ricky boy, get with the program, it's a Siamese Cat for goodness sakes."
Paula Abdul Heard Simon Cowell But She Just Wasn't Listening
Simon Cowell stated that when he fired X-Factor judge Paula Abdul she kinda looked at him like he was talking Greek. "The Sultan of Sarcasm" finally called up Gary Busey and he had him tell her.
Adele says she thinks Karl Lagerfeld's designs are lovely
But she thinks he's a little too fatuous.
The Pancakes Will Still Taste The Same
IHOP, the International House of Pancakes, in an effort to prevent a lawsuit, is dropping the name International and replacing it with the more politically correct National.
So Governor Jan Brewer Wanted To Play Hardball Huh?
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer says that just because she had a little run in with President Obama that she now has to provide the government with a birth certificate and three credit cards.
Web links in Breaking News items may not be such a great idea
Click here to find out why
BBC Breakfast apology after US guest swears.
'Hello to all you f****rs out there. Errr, i mean truckers'
For all writers of Valentines Day spoof stories
I know you can't fit a lot of words into the spoof headlines, but I'm not sure that abbreviating Valentines Day to V.D. is working.
TV-reared children are unable to read Charles Dickens, says author.
'Charles who? is he on twitter then?'
Fabio Capello: Still Cannot Grasp English Language
When Fabio Capello said that he was resigning this morning, he thought that he was re-signing a new contract for three years as England manager. WOOPS!
UK signs French nuclear concord
"We had no idea they were building one," says David Cameron, "but we were happy to autograph it just the same."
Titanic Violin Appears on EBay
VIOLIN FOR SALE: circa 1912, slightly damp - reputedly from RMS Titanic.
Man Almost Killed Then Saved By Spoof Snippet
Jack Geoff, a KY. man read a funny snippet on spoof and choked on a hotdog. Because of his quick thinking he read another snippet and laughed up the hotdog and then took a deep breath, avoiding death.
Alan Curbishley was excited today when linked with the vacant Wolves job.
"Curbs - Your Enthusiasm!"
Second Twitter Poster to Face Joke Trial
When an unnamed Post Office worker tried to drum up business for his employers by mentioning "GO POSTAL" in a message, they took it to be a menacing tweet
Man Starves To Death On McDonald's Diet
Michael Moore, film producer died while creating a film about the new McDonald's diet. He claimed to be able to eat as much as he liked and still lose weight. Autopsy reveals he had a giant tapeworm.
Alan Hansen takes Match of the Day pay cut
The money will be used to pay for a translator instead.
UK unemployment rate at 16-year high
in remarkably similar news, the UK employment rate is at a 16 year low.
Actress Chloe Sevigny slams Manchester
"I'm not Mad for it"
Patrice Evra rested for Man United Europa lge tie v Ajax
Well he did celebrate rather a lot on saturday v Liverpool...
David Blunkett renews contract as News International adviser
The blind leading the selectively blind???
Green Cars And Dumb People
Betty, an Alabama woman is suing General Motors. She accuses them of making her feel stupid because of the way the Chevy Volt hides the gas cap each time she stops at the gas station.
People Cheer Obama For Saying The Truth
Hacker group Anonymous hacked into the Whitehouse teleprompter program and replaced all the lies with the truth. Witnesses said Mrs. Obama stated, "For the First Time in My Life, I'm Proud of My Man"
Manchester record book merger
In an effort to beat the world record for most points in a season, Manchester City and Manchester United are merging their clubs into one single team. They currently lead the Premiership by 65 points.
Superbowl XLVI reminds folks that no one can read Roman numerals any more
In a country where XL can only be found on the tag of someone's shirt, another Superbowl came and went with fans everywhere wondering what the hell all those letters after "Superbowl" meant.
'6 inches of snow this weekend' **
** Daily Express headline... Saturday 4th feb 2012
Leveson inquiry to be made into a panel show
Ian Hislop to captain one team with Anne Diamond guest.
Kelvin McKenzie to captain second team with Greg Dyke guest.
Piers Morgan chairman by satellite link up, surrounded by bottles of water.
Elves Make Best Toast, Claims Rabbi
Dorking inventor Gideon Bable, famous for inventing the air-conditioned waistcoat, is currently working on a TV for budgerigars, an electronic paperweight and a virtual hangover cure.
This sunday - Super Bowl XLVI
aka alphabet soup.
Man handcuffed to goalposts in Premier League match
Be warned John Terry and Harry Redknapp...
Indian Doesn't Want British Aid - Describes It As Peanuts
Describing it as peanuts, the Indian government have said that they no longer need the financial aid given by Britain. Can we have our peanuts back - 290 million of them?
SHOCK: Jeremy Clarkson & Richard Hammond Thrown out of Top Gear
Complaints about bad language used in Sunday's episode of Top Gear have resulted in the sacking of Clarkson and Hammond. From now on, the show will be presented by the Stig and James May who is too posh!
Arsenal 7 Blackburn 1
By way of punishment, Blackburns owners have cancelled the tradional KFC bucket for the bus-trip home.
Police To Start Using A New Less Than Less Lethal Weapon
Due to accusations of police brutality cops are now equipped with turkey feathers. Tests have shown that criminals if tickled submit to officers because they can't breath through their laughter.
Rev Ian Paisley in hospital after 'heart attack'
He has a heart?
The Invisible Man Sues Superman
The Invisible Man is suing Superman after he allegedly burned his clothes of with his laser eyes. The Invisible Man claims to suffer from emotional trauma after being left in public completely naked.
David Cameron tells Scots 'We are better together'
I reckon he's a secret Irn bru drinker.
Afghan president Karzai: Talks With Taliban Have Begun
'So hows the weather over there?'
Fearne Cotton & Greg James lined up as replacement for Chirs Moyles on Radio 1.
Well, its a big seat to fill.
Boat Race to Become Boat Races in 2015
This is because of WOMEN sticking there oar in and will, let's face it, present a very big problem for Cockney rhyming slang.
Channel 4's Time Team to Be Renamed
Following a reshuffle of presenters, Channel 4's archaeology program, Time Team, is to be renamed "The End of Time Team
FA defends changing England kit after just EIGHT games
"It was getting a bit smelly"
Met Office issues severe weather alert
Watch out, there is lots of weather coming to a town near you.
Independent Scotland to stick with sterling
They're gonna rename it the 'pooond'
Audience figures: Radio 4's Today closes in on Radio 1's Chris Moyles
It's the brains verses the boring.
Twitter 'more addictive than cigarettes'
i'm on 140 a day.
National Tanning Salon Chain - Going Green
Sun Tan City, a tanning salon chain has installed solar voltaic panels on the roofs of all their salons. A spokesman says, "Now we are truly harnessing the power of the sun in our tanning machines."
Political Experiment - Unexpected Results
An Indiana couple, 1 republican and 1 democrate, give birth to a libertarian. Many Constitutionalists like Ron Paul think this might be the key for getting this country back on track.
Mentos And Diet Coke - Lockheed Martin Colaboration
F-22s are now going green. They will no longer contribute to climate change because their engines are being replaced with large Coke bottles. To throttle up the pilot releases mentos into the bottle.
Man on the Clapham Omnibus gets own reality tv show
Already sounds more interesting than 'The Only Way Is Essex'
Leveson inquiry to be made into a film.
Hugh Grant to play himself.
Jude Law turns down part of Piers Morgan.
#womanontheleft to be played by Clare Grogan.
Leveson inquiry to be made into a sitcom
Steve Coogan to play himself.
Director of the BBC to be played by David Schneider.
BBC sport website 'gets a makeover'
Red background to yellow. Is they how they spend our licence fee? Who redesigned it? Gok Wan????
Four admit campaign to bomb London and Boris Johnson.
Thousands of Londoners admit wish to throw Boris Johnson in the Thames...
Everybody at RBS to lose knighthoods.
The tea lady is going ot be gutted.
'Move here' Boris tells Paris banks
"We've even got a few used knighthoods going spare if ya want em"
Sun on Sunday to launch 'very soon'
You know, probably on a sunday.
Rangers chairman explains 'unaccounted money'
"We bought Carlos Tevez for £24 million but he never turned up!"
Murdoch says arrested Sun journalists can return to work
As long as they don't sell their story to the Sunday Mirror.
Twitter rumours of Kim Jong Un death denied by North Korea
I mean if you say Kim Jong Un quickly, it doesn't even sound like Whit Knee Houston.
Iranian film wins Best Foreign language film at Oscars
This is absolutely nothing to do with the fact that we want their oil (and nuclear weapons) said an US government spokesman.
Inchcock Discovers World's Strongest Virus
Spoof writer, Inchcock reported earlier today that a virus capable of carrying a mosquito has been discovered although he makes no mention of how it carries the mosquito.
Large Ape Spotted Flying over Power Station
A large ape was seen flying over the cooling towers of a Manchester power station. The monkey, thought have escaped from Chester zoo, turned out to be a hot air baboon!
£45m EuroMillions winners buy £40 tent
And that was just from the interest.
WANTED ADS: A Fisherman's Wife
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of Boat & Motor.
Cher Lloyd: I was driven to hell and back
She only popped out to buy a pint of milk.
Lottery winners defend benefit claims
"£10.5 million don't get you far these days"
Susan Boyle to sing for the Queen
On condition she don't bring her fella, Piers Morgan with.
West Ham 2 Millwall 1
Ans that was just the arrests!
Radio 1 announce Hackney Big Weekend Line Up
When I saw Hackney trending on twitter I thought the riots had started again...
Indian to Open Call Centres in UK
India's finance minister, Pranab Mukerjee has predicted that many of the wealthy Indian companies will soon be opening call centres in the UK - see how we like it?
Police reopen case of Tim Westood shooting.
Police today revealed they are looking into the 1999 drive by shooting of Radio 1 DJ Tim Westwood. They said they are investigating if it was an Essential Selection or a Top 40 hit.
God Calls It a Day!
After creating a period of 24 hours which would repeat itself until the end of time, God decided to call it a day.
Stuart Pearce names Scott Parker as England captain
"It's because we have the same initials. And that's the full SP guv" said Pearce.
AC MIlan 4 Arsenal 0 (Champions League)
Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has said this is a cracking result as he is a big fan of Milan.
Supreme Court joins Twitter
No news yet on the Diana Ross court
To matter or anti-matter that is the question?
Shakespeare should have rephrased his famous line and it should have read, "to matter or anti-matter that is the question?" It would have saved millions of US tax payers money!
Nascar: DRIVE4COPD 300 - Race Cars To Be Replaced By Turtles
The 120 lap 300 mile race at Daytona is to be held 2/25/2012. Race completion and winner suspected to be announced sometime in 2014. Kyle Busch protested by crying and holding his breath.
Denise Welch announces split from husband
"Form an orderly queue lads - i'll get to ya as soon as I can"
Rihanna invites Chris Brown to birthday party...
Three years after he was arrested for domestic violence against her.
If Lady Gaga was 'Born This Way' maybe Riri was just 'Born This Stupid'??
British man gives birth
That must have been painful.
Bill Clinton for World Bank president?
No news yet on the interns...
'Deport Abu Qatada before Olympics'
What event is he in?
Charles Dickens's 200th birthday
Google, Prince Charles, the archbishop of Canterbury and a host of writers and artists join bicentenary events.
My invitation must have got lost in the post.
The Show Ain't over 'Til the Fat Man Sings!
Former deputy prime minister, John Prescott, has burst into song with "I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter." To celebrate the success of reaching 100,000 anti-NHS bill petitions.
Wayne Rooney buys a horse
Well at least this time he's out in the open about it!
Short Cut becomes so popular its no longer the short cut
Busier than the normal route.
Alex Deakin, BBC Weather Forecaster Uses C Word
Weatherman Alex Deakin was left red-faced today after using the most unacceptable C word in the English dictionary. Inseine News is reliably informed that the word he used was "CLOUDY".
Dolly Parton to make millions from Whitney Houston effect *
"Whitney I Will Always Love You".
* And she means it! Dolly Parton wrote the song and Whitney recorded it.
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