Spoof news snippets from Friday 7 December 2012
A pretty shit poker hand
Starbucks have pledged a minimum of £20 million pounds in Corporation tax over the next two years
Which computes at 75 cups of Expresso
Remember to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"
Don't risk offending the 1% of British people that actually give a f***
Celebrity paedophiles causing unnecessary hardship
Regular paedophiles say they feel insignificant
The brother of a former Eastenders actress amits to having killed her...true, she was a lousy actress but strewth cobber, that's taking it a bit too far don't you think mate!
Big freeze warms up!
"The Big Freeze is just warming up so please stay in your snowdrifts until further notice;" The weather man!
Military Style Training for Unruly Children.
Another brilliant idea from the Coalition, teach 'em how to kill and maim each other and shoot straight first time, dead handy (no pun intended)for drive-by shootings...no more wasting bullets!
Up the Pole!
Snow alert: cold weather 'Beast' to hit UK....about time that Yeti purchased a new satnav, talk about lost!
"Anyone seen the Greek?"
A hospital nurse caring for Kate Middleton, who was duped by two Aussie DJ's pretending to be the Queen and Chaz, has 'committed suicide'...not surprising based on what happened to Diana!!
New 'Warmer' Christmas Day Announced For Britain!
David Cameron has announced a change to the calendar. From now on 25 December becomes 25 June. He said Boxing Day will still fall on 26 December but will now come the day after the readjusted 25 June!
Cameron backs Gay Marriage in Church.
However the Prime Minister is not sure if he should marry Nick Clegg, Nigel Farage or Boris Johnson in a grim attempt to hold on to power for as long as he possibly can.
"If I ruled the world"
Potential conundrum for Royalty ....if Kate knocks out twins would it transpire that one day the UK might have a 'coalition' King or Queen?
Santa named for committee
Father Christmas has been appointed to a Governmental committee looking into child poverty. His reaction: "But I don't exist, you morons." A replacment has been named, none other than Easter Bunny.