Spoof news snippets from Sunday 2 December 2012
The French Connection:3
Famous but ageing French actor, Gerard Depardieu detained after schooter crash, it could have been much worse, he could have totalled his zimmer frame!
"I'll be back!"
Tory MP and ex-'Celebrity' Nadine Dorries has told SKY News that the Tories will welcome her back, but only if she contiues to wear the shorts and tight T-Shirt!
A Taxing Time Ahead?
George 'Abacus' Osborne to take on tax avoiders....strewth, he won't make any friends within the Conservative Party doing that!!
Korean Canine Society festive announcement
"A dog is not just for Christmas. It should do for Boxing Day as well."
Train Sets sold out for Christmas
Replacement Bus Service toys still available
Wife sells kidney to afford Christmas
Husband relieved as he thought he would have to cancel Sky Sports
One more sleep till Christmas
Dancer jailed for sex with girls
Santa claims Prancer and Vixen put him up to it
Gangs are now using dogs instead of knives
Gang member admits it leads to very hairy toast
A dog is for life, not just for Christmas
Experts say it depends whether you remember to put air holes in the box when you wrap it
Man eats mattress, duvet and pillow
Wakes up in the morning to find he's shit the bed
Royal Mail say "Christmas deliveries may be delayed"
...while they re-wrap the parcels they haven't nicked
Number of alcoholics needed to change a lightbulb
One... Okay, just one more... Maybe a third to be social...May as well make it a few more now I've missed the last bus...
Glaswegian Advent Calendars go on sale
Behind every door, a Paracetamol
Santa nicked for terrorism
Santa Claus, St Nick to his mates, has been arrested by Swedish authorities for loitering near a crowded nightclub. Police believed he was about to make a "terrorist" like attack on the packed venue.