What We Really Want to Know?
Whilst playing strip billiards, where did Prince Harry keep his chalk?
A mystery trigger in modern living has caused a surge in cancer cases. Yeah it's called "not blaming illness of demons"
Lance Armstrong never took drugs, just performance enhancers!
Lance Armstrong claims he never too drugs, but admits he took performance enhancers and that has nothing to do with drugs so the Tour authorities are full of merde!
Clegg Cops Out
Nick Clegg might be ousted by the Lib Dems! To be fair he's a bloke who would struggle to get an invite to his own birthday party.
Trapped South African hippo was their star Olympic swimmer!
A hippo trapped in a South African swimming pool was actually their secret weapon for the Olympics! Sadly it got stuck after failing to learn how to turn!
Assange to do The Voice
News in that Wikileaks founder, Julian Assange, will perform on Ecuador's version of The Voice. Yes, old golden tonsils will sing amongst other ditties I Still Call Australia Home. Can't wait, can you
Guidebook for Japanese Tourists in Scotland
Visitors warned to stay away from men wearing blue or green shirts - It advises readers to avoid square sausage and council estates and to never call a Scottish person English.
"Sounds about right?"
Scrabble player thrown out of US Scrabble competition
A young Under-18 Scrabble player has been kicked out of the national championship in the US for cheating. Hiding tiles.
"Future Senator there methinks!"