Chelsea to face Bayern Munich in Champions League Final
This is the final our wonderful tabloid papers were hoping for. Now they can wheel out a load of tired old England/Germany war cliches.
The Battle of Bavaria.
They can have that one for free.
Fourth case of "Mad Cow" disease discovered in California
The US Department of Agriculture has confirmed the diagnosis but has strenuously denied rumours that Californian Representative Nancy Pelosi is infected with the disease.
Poor old Nancy.
Southern England Philosophical About Hosepipe Ban
'It doesn't matter to me, anymore,' said a typical resident of southern England. 'My hosepipe just got swept away in the floods.'
Torres proves everybody wrong!
Fernando Torres has proven his critics wrong and after being told by Di Matteo what a goal actually is; 2 posts, a cross-bar and a net, he saw the light and Abramovich is now £50 million better off!
Russell Brand - What A
Rupert Murdoch: Dealing with Blair 'like porcupines mating'
Yep, lots of pricks, nasty business
25 April 2012: UK Back in Recession!
"Were we ever out of the recession?"
LSD 'helps alcoholics to give up drinking!'
LSD is a class A drug in the UK and is one of the most powerful hallucinogens... but what do I know?
Drag Car Explodes Around Him at 260 mph!
However, it is not relief at being alive, but anger at his failure to complete the qualifying heat that engulfs Hagan as he climbs from the still-smouldering shell of the car - 'Unharmed!'
Mario Balotelli's mum lives on the Shameless council estate!
The £170,000-a-week footballer lives in a mansion and plush hotel, Rose Barwuah pays £550-a-month for a terrace house in Manchester, famous in TV's Shameless.
"But she did give him away as a child!"
Mad cow disease found in California
aka another Mitt Romney supporter.
Leveson Latest: Murodch says Brown was 'unbalanced'
That was probably the whiskey.
UK slides into double dip recession.
Only marginally more healthy than a sherbert dip.
Barcelona 2 Chelsea 2 - Chelsea win 3-2 on aggregate.
Chelsea become the first team to qualify for the Champions League final without touching the ball during a 90 minute match.
Robin Van Persie named PFA player of the year
Ashley Young named PFA diver of the year.
Murdoch appear at Leveson inquiry
News Corp chief executive Rupert Murdoch will give evidence to the Leveson Inquiry over two days this week.
Custard pies at the ready guys.
Actor dies after accidentally hanging himself while playing Judas
You've never had it so good!
Britain slips back into recession......What gave it away the Unemployment, INCREASING food banks , profit making charity shops or total lack of consumer spending power due to poverty stricken wages?
The Return of Michael Jackson Expected Imminently
Michael Jackson will be appearing on stage at a theatre near you... as a hologram. This is nothing new as a hologram of Elvis Presley has been working in a chip shop in Cardiff for years!
Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 31
"The Wash and Wear Revolution"
Paul E. Ester
Lightning contains enough energy to boil eight million cups of tea!
"I wish someone would test out the theory on Cameron!"
Barack Obama knows sign language!
"I bet some have been with one or two fingers?"
Three Brits Charged With Stealing Aussie Penguin
Charged with trespassing, stealing and unlawfully keeping a protected animal, the trio, released a video of their drunken antics to prove they mean no harm to the animal.
"Pick up up a Penguin?"