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Rating:

Secret Service Meeting With Ted Nugent Results In No Action Taken

Secret Service sources say the interview with the Motor City Madman quickly went from tense to jovial when they realized they had fucked many of the same underage hookers.

written by manbrad, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Columbian hose order mistaken for attempt to buy whores

A simple order for garden hose has led to the suspension and/or firing of 11 Secret Service agents. Due to lack of rain, agents wanted to hose down a backdrop where Mr. Obama was to speak.

written by Lyndon, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Bad Headline: number 103

HEALTH INSURERS SHOULD COVER NEW BREASTS

written by IN SEINE, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Penguin Stolen from Queensland SeaWorld

Thieves have stolen a penguin from Queensland SeaWorld. Meanwhile a small boy from Milton Keynes also had a penguin stolen from his lunchbox. On both occasions, the thieves have not yet been found.

written by IN SEINE, 20 April 2012
Rating:

What a big lad.

Two poms have been charged with the theft of a penguin from an Oz theme park on the Gold Coast, having stuffed it down his speedo's one of the men attracted a large following of female admirers.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Loadsa money!

George 'Abacus' Osborne has confirmed the UK will give an extra £10bn to the International Monetary Fund and why not indeed, plenty more where that came from providing the UK serfs keep grafting 24/7!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Swanee how I love ya!

Black firefighter makes Police racism claim, later discovered he was actually white but had just been attending a highly smokey fire!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Daffy Duck

N-dUBZ rapper Dappy arrested after fight at Petrol Station...little wanker should learn to queue up like the rest of us motorists!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Obama out raises Romney in campaign fundraising

President Obama raised $53 million versus $12.6 million for Mitt Romney.
Sounds like one has a silver spoon and the other has a plastic one.

written by JAB, 20 April 2012
Rating:

'I'd Personally Fly Abu Qatada to Jordan If I Could,' Says Cameron

'OK,' he continued, 'I know I'm not showing much regard for principles of human rights, but if it appeases right wing voters in the run-up to the local government elections, then I'm up for it.'

written by Swan Morrison, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Jon Stewart Catches Romney in Working Mom Flip-Flop

Were all the five star hotels full?

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Rihanna sniffs white substance from bouncers head

is it sugar sniffing season already?

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Mark Zuckerberg Bought Instagram Without consulting Facebook Board

'Bothered? Face? Face bothered? Do i look bovvered?

Perhaps he confused it to booking a strippergram for a stag night?

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Did someone fart near the Miami Heat bench?

'Welcome to Miami'

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Obama Boards Rosa Parks Bus

He's waiting for the price of gas to drop before he tops up Air Force One.

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Dick Clark Dies at 82

No more dick for you on news years eve ladies.

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Sun newspaper Royal Editor Arrested

'Orf wth his head!

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Secret Service agents in prostitution probe

Form an orderly queue gents.

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Unlikely American Idol

Recording of Mel Gibson rant released, famed record producer Randy Jackson says, "you nailed it dawg, that could go platinum within days!"

written by Herrdoktorfox, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 26

"Old Wood Carvings"

by

Anne Teak

written by IN SEINE, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Beckham does not deserve place in Olympics squad

David Beckham does not deserve a place in the GB Olympics squad, says ex-England player Gary Lineker.

Ouch! That could make for an awkward atmosphere at the next crisp commercial they make together!

written by radiogagger, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Semtex smuggled into Grand National site

Semtex smuggled into Grand National site... and Olympics security firm fails to spot it!

"Don't bode well do it?"

written by Inchcock, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Columbia Summit Summary:

Another job undone by our team of experts on crack.

written by Adam Click, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Street Theft Increases By 10%

You'd have to be a good thief to go unnoticed while nicking a whole street.

The government have advised people to mark their streets with indelible ink to make them easily indentifiable if stolen.

written by Simon Saunders, 20 April 2012
Rating:

A Name Change

Comedian Bill Maher is changing the name of his Super Pac to "Morons for Obama," after he received bipartisan complaints about his nasty remarks about Ann Romney!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

What If!

President Obama and AJ Holder advise the "race hustlers" Revs. Sharpton and Jackson to leave Sanford FL or be arrested by the FBI for ignoring the problem of black on black crime!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

First Lady's New Rules for White House Employees

Always wear clean underwear; eat vegetables and worship the food police; love the EPA, PETA and ObamaCare; don't smoke; bicycle to work and hate gasoline; BMI less than 20 and not be Republicans!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

It's the Silly Season

A new Democratic organization Gargoyles for Obama has been formed, oops that should be Gorgons for Obama!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Alphabet Soup

President Obama calls for another bureaucracy to go after gasoline/oil speculators. He overlooked the SEC, DOC, DOJ, DOE, FTC, TD, CFTC and CPA,

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Fracked

WH Press Secretary Carney denies that the new EPA regulations on natural gas emissions were meant to apply to Presidential Advisor Piston Rod's Sunday talk show comments!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Send It to Harry

Democratic SML Reid says senior citizens like getting third class junk mail. Thirty million senior citizens are forwarding all their junk mail to the US Capitol for Harry to read!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

While You Were Sleeping

White House Press Secretary Carney announced that the central theme of President Rip Van Winkle's, oops President Obama's campaign speeches will be devoted to the US economy!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Clueless Government Agency

President Obama's new Consumer Protection Agency announced it will pursue GSA partying practices and Secret Service prostitute hiring practices that penalize minorities, women and taxpayers.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

More About Recycling Plastics

Environmentalists are calling for recycling of brassieres, as they contain plastics and foam rubber. OSHA is warning that the contents must be removed before recycling occurs!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Forget Gold

Investors are flocking to brassier manufacturing companies. Regardless of inflation or depression the shareholder value increases for many years until a sagging economic downturn occurs!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Think About It

Many of the Democratic liberals supporting President Obama's destruction of the US Constitution will be the first to lose their freedom if Obama succeeds!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

A Man of Few Words

"He has been an unmitigated disaster to the country," former Republican VP Cheney said of Obama.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

They Don't Care

UN Security Council condemns North Korean missile launch. North Korean leadership responds with a message to the UN, but translation is incomplete as interpreter turns a deep shade of red!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Illogical Hyperbole

President Obama indicates that the US can't talk to Cuba until they become a democracy. Then how come the US talks to Communist China, the former Soviet Union, etc, etc, etc?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Famous Descriptive Songs

Frank Sinatra (1957): Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered. Obama Administration (2012): Clueless, Incompetent and Corrupt.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

I Want Your Money, You Can't Have Mine

Political Adviser Piston Rod indicated President Obama has no plans to chip in extra money from his own income to defray the deficit, but insists the wealthy pay more.



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Not Hotter than Losing Florida

Delegates to the sixth Summit of the Americas asked Colombia to invite Cuba to the presidential meeting. The additional heat generated by the request caused climate change to President Obama!


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Obama Administration Corruption

$4.5 trillion national debt increase, $2 billion loss of taxpayer loans to green energy co, a GSA boondoggle in Las Vegas with taxpayer money & Secret Service Agents chasing prostitutes in Colombia!


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

PETA's New Policy

Any PETA member that martyrs themselves for the cause of animal rights gets 72 pussies (cats)!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Proposed US Foreign Policy for North Korea

President Obama's far left wing loony advisors have proposed giving the North Korean leadership all the food they can eat. They will then be too fat to develop missiles and nuclear weapons!


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

No Refund

North Korea discovers their Iranian made Acme Manufacturing Co. do it yourself three stage long range rocket kit was a dud!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
Rating:

VP Biden's Foot in Mouth Disease Spreading

Democratic liberals are scared that Biden's foot-in-mouth disease is spreading. President Obama compares himself to Republican President Reagan and then WH strategist Hilary Rosen insults Ann Romney!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 April 2012
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