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17 April 2012: UK Voting Intention Poll

Labour 43%
Conservatives 34%
Lib-Dems 8%
Others 15%

How do the Conservatives do so well?

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Aquascutum enters administration

Luxury clothing retailer, goes into administration, 250 jobs are at risk.
Founded in 1851, their clothes have been worn by Cary Grant, Humphrey Bogart & the Queen Mother.

"Heartbreak redundancies!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Plundering care home finance boss Jenny Glanister jailed!

Jenny Glanister, who stole more than £330,000 a Northamptonshire care home to fund a luxury lifestyle has been jailed.
£233,000 was spent on jewellery from a TV shopping channel.

"Bitch!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Southeastern faces court after train overshot station by 2.5 miles!

A rail company is to be prosecuted after a passenger train allegedly overshot a station in East Sussex by almost two-and-a-half miles.

"Nothing but moan moan some people!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Girl, 4, joins Mensa with 159 IQ

A four-year-old girl from Hampshire is accepted into Mensa with an IQ just one point below Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking!

"I applied but couldn't understand the application form!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Madeleine McCann lookalike spotted in southern Spain!

Cops are searching for Madeleine McCann in a Costa del Sol holiday town after a "credible" tip-off. They swooped on Nerja after colleagues asked them to launch a probe,

"Something still stinks about this!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Young mum dies after hospital kit is left in body after operation

She died after a surgeon left a pair of hospital clips inside her after keyhole surgery.

Nicole Haynes, 35, died after undergoing a laparoscopy.

"Scary, and so so sad! Anyone told Cameron?"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Gas fitter jailed for three years for botching boiler installation that killed millionaire's daughter

He was jailed for the manslaughter of a millionaire's daughter who died from carbon monoxide poisoning.

"Fitter did same to unemployed family's son in council house - he got £250 fine!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Prisoners protest on rooftop at Young Offenders' Institution

They have luxury TVs and PlayStations in their cells, do not have to pay for rent, washing, heating etc.

"Spoilt mardy git's!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Mario Balotelli: Asks to stay at Man City

"Well, it's handy for his high class prostitutes, he gets paid £100,000 a week, and he likes the local barber!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

470 Dairy Crest jobs to go in Liverpool and Cambridgeshire

The milk supplier has announced proposals to close its factories in Aintree, which employs 220 people, and Fenstanton where 250 people work.

"And is Cameron bothered? Is he 'eck as like!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Pippa, oh, Pippa, OH Pip.........pa, oh yes Pippa, now Pippa!

Oh fuck. Thought of Kate.

written by Blazing Saddle, 19 April 2012
Rating:

White House Not Sure How Many Wars US is involved in.

The White House announced that it is not sure how many wars America is involved in, but guesses around 6 based off the number of American Idol seasons.

written by Alexf505, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Join the club.

Study: Maternity leave puts Mothers in debt, so does going to work for thousands of minimum wage toilers mate!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 19 April 2012
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Go man go!

Anton Brevik: "I wanted to kill everyone".....quick, fast track this man to Number 10 Downing Street ASAP!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 19 April 2012
Rating:

OO7xx

Bond director had doubts about Daniel Craig....haven't we all love, and you thought he walked like that due to ill fitting shoes.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Pippa Middleton named one of the most influential people in the world

Have TIME magazine confused their influential people list with the Rear of The Year award?

written by radiogagger, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 25

The Palace Roof has a Hole"

by

Lee King

written by IN SEINE, 19 April 2012
Rating:

John Lydon rejects God Save the Queen campaign

Fans want the sex Pistol record to be no.1 over the Queens Diamond Jubilee weekend.

He said he doesn't want his past to interfere with his new job as a butter * salesman.
* it could be margarine

written by radiogagger, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Games gone

In breaking news, the The London Olympiad,or Olympic Games if you're from Dorking, have been cancelled due to lack of interest. It seems patrons prefer Brighton Pier over sporting foolishness. Hell!

written by whatinthe world, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Warning benefit changes may see fewer free school meals

Plans to simplify the welfare system may mean thousands of England's poorest children lose their entitlement to free school meals, a charity has warned.

"The Tories doing this?... surely not?"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Ministers see off 'pasty' rebels

The government defeated an attempt by MPs to overturn changes to VAT charged on takeaway food, dubbed "the pasty tax".

"See, told you they would!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Greens launch local 2012 election push

Deputy Green Party leader Adrian Ramsay promises to reduce the gap between rich and poor and create jobs in environmentally-friendly industries.

"Yes... we know!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Nick Clegg says Lib Dems are 'delivering'!

Nick Clegg launches the Liberal Democrats' English local elections campaign, but admits the polls will be "tough" for his party.

"I could have told him that!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Respect targets Bradford council!

The Respect Party says it will have candidates in every ward at Bradford's local council elections following George Galloway's by-election win.

"Fancy that now!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Miliband launches Labour's local poll campaign

Ed Miliband pledges to govern for the whole country "not just the wealthy few" as he launches Labour's campaign for next month's English local elections.

"Ed Miliband?... who's he then?"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
Rating:

£1m EuroMillions winner in Nottingham yet to claim prize

The lottery company said the winning ticket was bought in Nottingham on 23 March. This comes after three Notts couples won lottery jackpots in just over three months.

"Oh I am glad for them!"

written by Inchcock, 19 April 2012
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