17 April 2012: UK Voting Intention Poll
How do the Conservatives do so well?
Aquascutum enters administration
Luxury clothing retailer, goes into administration, 250 jobs are at risk.
Founded in 1851, their clothes have been worn by Cary Grant, Humphrey Bogart & the Queen Mother.
Plundering care home finance boss Jenny Glanister jailed!
Jenny Glanister, who stole more than £330,000 a Northamptonshire care home to fund a luxury lifestyle has been jailed.
£233,000 was spent on jewellery from a TV shopping channel.
Southeastern faces court after train overshot station by 2.5 miles!
A rail company is to be prosecuted after a passenger train allegedly overshot a station in East Sussex by almost two-and-a-half miles.
"Nothing but moan moan some people!"
Girl, 4, joins Mensa with 159 IQ
A four-year-old girl from Hampshire is accepted into Mensa with an IQ just one point below Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking!
"I applied but couldn't understand the application form!"
Madeleine McCann lookalike spotted in southern Spain!
Cops are searching for Madeleine McCann in a Costa del Sol holiday town after a "credible" tip-off. They swooped on Nerja after colleagues asked them to launch a probe,
"Something still stinks about this!"
Young mum dies after hospital kit is left in body after operation
She died after a surgeon left a pair of hospital clips inside her after keyhole surgery.
Nicole Haynes, 35, died after undergoing a laparoscopy.
"Scary, and so so sad! Anyone told Cameron?"
Gas fitter jailed for three years for botching boiler installation that killed millionaire's daughter
He was jailed for the manslaughter of a millionaire's daughter who died from carbon monoxide poisoning.
"Fitter did same to unemployed family's son in council house - he got £250 fine!"
Prisoners protest on rooftop at Young Offenders' Institution
They have luxury TVs and PlayStations in their cells, do not have to pay for rent, washing, heating etc.
"Spoilt mardy git's!"
Mario Balotelli: Asks to stay at Man City
"Well, it's handy for his high class prostitutes, he gets paid £100,000 a week, and he likes the local barber!"
470 Dairy Crest jobs to go in Liverpool and Cambridgeshire
The milk supplier has announced proposals to close its factories in Aintree, which employs 220 people, and Fenstanton where 250 people work.
"And is Cameron bothered? Is he 'eck as like!"
Pippa, oh, Pippa, OH Pip.........pa, oh yes Pippa, now Pippa!
Oh fuck. Thought of Kate.
White House Not Sure How Many Wars US is involved in.
The White House announced that it is not sure how many wars America is involved in, but guesses around 6 based off the number of American Idol seasons.
Join the club.
Study: Maternity leave puts Mothers in debt, so does going to work for thousands of minimum wage toilers mate!
Go man go!
Anton Brevik: "I wanted to kill everyone".....quick, fast track this man to Number 10 Downing Street ASAP!!
Bond director had doubts about Daniel Craig....haven't we all love, and you thought he walked like that due to ill fitting shoes.
Pippa Middleton named one of the most influential people in the world
Have TIME magazine confused their influential people list with the Rear of The Year award?
Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 25
The Palace Roof has a Hole"
John Lydon rejects God Save the Queen campaign
Fans want the sex Pistol record to be no.1 over the Queens Diamond Jubilee weekend.
He said he doesn't want his past to interfere with his new job as a butter * salesman.
* it could be margarine
In breaking news, the The London Olympiad,or Olympic Games if you're from Dorking, have been cancelled due to lack of interest. It seems patrons prefer Brighton Pier over sporting foolishness. Hell!
Warning benefit changes may see fewer free school meals
Plans to simplify the welfare system may mean thousands of England's poorest children lose their entitlement to free school meals, a charity has warned.
"The Tories doing this?... surely not?"
Ministers see off 'pasty' rebels
The government defeated an attempt by MPs to overturn changes to VAT charged on takeaway food, dubbed "the pasty tax".
"See, told you they would!"
Greens launch local 2012 election push
Deputy Green Party leader Adrian Ramsay promises to reduce the gap between rich and poor and create jobs in environmentally-friendly industries.
"Yes... we know!"
Nick Clegg says Lib Dems are 'delivering'!
Nick Clegg launches the Liberal Democrats' English local elections campaign, but admits the polls will be "tough" for his party.
"I could have told him that!"
Respect targets Bradford council!
The Respect Party says it will have candidates in every ward at Bradford's local council elections following George Galloway's by-election win.
"Fancy that now!"
Miliband launches Labour's local poll campaign
Ed Miliband pledges to govern for the whole country "not just the wealthy few" as he launches Labour's campaign for next month's English local elections.
"Ed Miliband?... who's he then?"
£1m EuroMillions winner in Nottingham yet to claim prize
The lottery company said the winning ticket was bought in Nottingham on 23 March. This comes after three Notts couples won lottery jackpots in just over three months.
"Oh I am glad for them!"