There were 766 spoof news snippets published in April 2012. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

Order by:
Rating:

Real Working Mom Ann Romney

So how many housemaids, butlers, cooks, gardeners, baby sitters, nannies, window cleaners and tutors did this "couple of Cadillacs" driving mom really have?

written by K.C. Bell, 12 April 2012
Rating:

Rupert Murdoch: Dealing with Blair 'like porcupines mating'

Yep, lots of pricks, nasty business

written by queen mudder, 25 April 2012
Rating:

Rape on Increase in Farming Community

In the drought-stricken areas of the UK, farmers are being forced to resort to rape. "It's such a versatile, quick growing and high yield crop that requires little water!" one farmer was heard to say.

written by IN SEINE, 12 April 2012
Rating:

Liverpool don't sack Dalglish

Despite taking full responsibility for the players he's signed, Kenny Dalglish has not been sacked. Instead, Damien Comolli, who negotiated the deals for Dalglish, has been fired.
Scapegoat anyone?

written by Simon Saunders, 13 April 2012
Rating:

The Return of Michael Jackson Expected Imminently

Michael Jackson will be appearing on stage at a theatre near you... as a hologram. This is nothing new as a hologram of Elvis Presley has been working in a chip shop in Cardiff for years!

written by IN SEINE, 25 April 2012
Rating:

David Cameron to Increase RAF Aircraft

Following his historic visit to Burma, David Cameron has secured the release of 20 Spitfires which were buried in crates during WW2. "I'm sure that this will keep Britain safe from invaders" he said.

written by IN SEINE, 15 April 2012
Rating:

Secret Service tightens up rules: no more skanky whores

Being in the U.S. Secret Service has just become less fun: agents are to no longer drink excessively and, if they do, they best not be consorting with skanky whores. And if they do, they're to pay up.

written by Lyndon, 28 April 2012
Rating:

Fingernails of the Stars! New Reality TV Show Has People Biting Their Nails!

Success of Paint Peeling which drew over 6 million American viewers has lead to a new Reality show, watching star's fingernails grow. Lindsay Lohan, Oprah Winfrey are just two of the nails you'll see.

written by Jean Le Fete, 29 April 2012
Rating:

Band headline: number 99

EXTINCT ANIMALS MAY LOSE PROTECTION

written by IN SEINE, 08 April 2012
Rating:

Taleban Are Thinking of Using Chuggers

Desperate for cash to help them with their insurgency in Afghanistan, the Taleban are appealing to the Muslim world for financial help. They are considering employing George Galloway as a chugger in Bradford.

written by IN SEINE, 18 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 17

"Irish Lawn Chairs"

by

Patty O'Furniture

written by IN SEINE, 11 April 2012
Rating:

Council Accused of Wasting Money

Stoke-on-Trent council are to spend £10,000 on DVDs to show tenants how to do basic DIY jobs. This is a waste of money as most tenants cannot afford a TV licence, let alone a DVD player.

written by IN SEINE, 18 April 2012
Rating:

Children Worldwide Are Disappointed

Disney Studios has now confirmed it to be true: Peter Pan was a cross-dresser.

written by waterman, 01 April 2012
Rating:

Spanish King's Grandson Shoots Himself in the Foot

The 13-year-old grandson of Spain's King Juan Carlos has accidentally shot himself in the foot. Apparently the lad's OK. This is a daily routine for Prime Minister, David Cameron.

written by IN SEINE, 10 April 2012
Rating:

UFO Appears on the Face of Belgian Girl

Not only has Belgian girl, Kimberly Vlaminck, 18, had 56 stars tattooed on her face, a UFO was found just above her right eyebrow. It turned out to be a bit of toast & marmalade which stuck there.

written by IN SEINE, 12 April 2012
Rating:

North Korea joins the air race

North Korea has launched its first paper aeroplane. It rose to a height of seven and a half feet before crashing down. The crowd of 250,000 people cheered with gusto at its success. Next, a balloon!

written by whatinthe world, 13 April 2012
Rating:

Facebook buy Instagram for $1 billion.

Maan - If I had a billion dollars I'd be buying strppergrams.

written by radiogagger, 14 April 2012
Rating:

Obama's comment on Free Trade with Columbia

President Obama in Cartagena, Columbia said, "A $47 a night hooker for secret service agents proves that free trade with Columbia is a myth, on the other hand, it illustrates stimulus does work."

written by JAB, 15 April 2012
Rating:

Stethoscope-wielding Doc to teenager diagnosed with bad chest:

"Big breaths, now".

"Yeth, Doctor, and I'm only thickthteen."

written by queen mudder, 06 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 26

"Old Wood Carvings"

by

Anne Teak

written by IN SEINE, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 28

"Better Breath"

by

Pepper Mintz

written by IN SEINE, 22 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 29

"The Dawn Chorus"

by

Earl E. Riser

written by IN SEINE, 23 April 2012
Rating:

Iron Man Deux

Mike Tyson launches one-man show in Vegas........bet that's a knockout!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 16 April 2012
Rating:

So Farewell, Prof Ferdinand Alexander Porsche.

I understand your cars are popular with a certain section of the market. If I had the money, I have to admit I'm a Maserati man myself, but well done to you, anyway.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 April 2012
Rating:

Aussie cricketer compliments English heckler

"Great Slate Mate"

written by radiogagger, 07 April 2012
Rating:

5 simple ways to beat traffic. (AOL lifestyle headline)

1. Stay at home.
2. Go to prison.
3. Red Bull gives you wings!
4. Move to the desert.
5. Only travel between 1am-6am

written by radiogagger, 10 April 2012
Rating:

Columbian hose order mistaken for attempt to buy whores

A simple order for garden hose has led to the suspension and/or firing of 11 Secret Service agents. Due to lack of rain, agents wanted to hose down a backdrop where Mr. Obama was to speak.

written by Lyndon, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Women of 50 invisible on TV, says Samantha Bond.

Eh? Who said that? Where did that voice come from?

written by radiogagger, 23 April 2012
Rating:

NBC Apologizes for Shoddy Editing of Zimmerman Call

Why the fuss, mistakes happen, here is a sentence pasted from Wikipedia,
NBC is sometimes referred to as the "cock Network." Looks harmless to me.

written by JAB, 05 April 2012
Rating:

Hosepipe ban puts lives at risk says fireman.

Fireman say lives are being put at risk after hosepipe bans are being introduced across the Uk. Fireman who rely on hosepipes must now try and stamp out fires with there feet.

written by Glen Jacobs, 06 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 30

"Avoiding High Construction Costs"

by

Bill Jerome Home

written by IN SEINE, 24 April 2012
Rating:

Black market gear costs Britain £30bn in lost taxes

Black marketeers flogging cigs, booze and diesel were yesterday revealed to have cost the UK almost £30billion in lost taxes.

"Are you surprised? I'm not"

written by Inchcock, 13 April 2012
Rating:

Aquascrotum 'in administration'

Iconic swimwear manufacturer blames wrong kind of water

written by queen mudder, 17 April 2012
Rating:

Pluto No Longer Mickey Mouse Cartoon Character

Pluto, originally classified as a Disney character often seen in the company of Mickey Mouse, has been reclassified as a dwarf Disney character, and will now spend most of his time with Snow White.

written by Chrissy Benson, 18 April 2012
Rating:

The U.K.'s Most Infected Website

According to Avast! The most infected website in the UK is www.Cocktailmaking.co.uk, however, one even more dangerous has been found called www.Molotovcocktailmaking.com and is a hit with terrorists.

written by IN SEINE, 30 April 2012
Rating:

Find Your Nearest Criminal

The Metropolitan Police Service have invented an app in which you can identify unknown criminals who live by you. Apparently you are never more than 10 feet away from one.

written by IN SEINE, 18 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 18

"Canned -- A Fish Story"

by

Czar Dean

written by IN SEINE, 12 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 19

"The Breakfast Chef"

by

Chris P. Bacon

written by IN SEINE, 13 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 20

"Living in Paris"

by

Francis Crowded

written by IN SEINE, 14 April 2012
Rating:

Syria crisis debated at Istanbul talks!

"An opportunity for them to talk Turkey then?"

written by Inchcock, 01 April 2012
Rating:

University Hospitals of Leicester NHS Trust to cut 400 jobs!

Hospital Managers said: It would not affect patient care!

"BOLLOCKS!"

written by Inchcock, 02 April 2012
Rating:

Milton Keynes Maths Teacher Blames Arithmetic for Divorce

The Milton Keynes maths teacher has blamed arithmetic as the cause for his divorce. After 22 years of marriage, his wife put 2 and 2 together.

written by IN SEINE, 09 April 2012
Rating:

The Vatican Approves of New Wafer

The Vatican has approved of a new low-carbohydrate wafer. During communion, the wafer called "I can't believe it's not Jesus!" will be in widespread use in Roman Catholic churches worldwide.

written by IN SEINE, 09 April 2012
Rating:

White House Not Sure How Many Wars US is involved in.

The White House announced that it is not sure how many wars America is involved in, but guesses around 6 based off the number of American Idol seasons.

written by Alexf505, 19 April 2012
Rating:

Mario Balotelli confuses Mancini with a sex-doll

Manchester City player, Mario Balotelli has confused his manager with a blow-up doll. "I love my manager," he said. "and I let it down." He was last seen buying a puncture repair kit.

written by IainB, 10 April 2012
Rating:

Robert Mugabe Is Seriously Ill

Zimbabwe's president, Robert Mugabe is reported to be seriously ill. This is not really news, but it does confirm suspicions that he has been seriously ill since taking power from Britain in 1980 .

written by IN SEINE, 10 April 2012
Rating:

Anders Breivik Is Not Insane

The spoof writer, Inseine is quite mad at claims that Norwegian massmurderer, Anders Breivik is insane. "If anyone is Inseine, then it's me!" He said today from his padded cell.

written by IN SEINE, 10 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 9

"Straight A Grades"

by

Gene Yuss

written by IN SEINE, 03 April 2012
Rating:

Marlins suspend manager Ozzie Guillen for 5 games

Guillen was suspended for five games Tuesday because of his comments about Fidel Castro. "When I said he had cojones I meant baseballs," said the apologetic Venezuelan, Guillen

written by JAB, 10 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 14

"Girl With A Horn"

by

Claire Anne Nett

written by IN SEINE, 08 April 2012
Rating:

Obama out raises Romney in campaign fundraising

President Obama raised $53 million versus $12.6 million for Mitt Romney.
Sounds like one has a silver spoon and the other has a plastic one.

written by JAB, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Bad Headline: Number 104

NEIGHBOURS FIGHT ISLAMIC TOMB

written by IN SEINE, 21 April 2012
Rating:

RAC emergency man nicks tyres!

A UK RAC emergency man offered desperate motorists a superb free service whilst they were not looking; he exchanged their Good-year tyres for his bald Michelin ones, what a deal!

written by Jaggedone, 03 April 2012
Rating:

Rare 1792 penny sells for $1.15 million

The unusual coin was auctioned off Thursday at the Renaissance Schaumburg Convention Center in suburban Chicago.

"So who wouldn't bend down to pick up a penny now!"

written by Inchcock, 24 April 2012
Rating:

Scientist uses physics to dodge traffic ticket in court

In a paper titled "The Proof of Innocence," Dmitri Krioukov appealed his failure-to-stop ticket, explaining that he may have appeared to an officer that he didn't stop but he actually did!

written by Inchcock, 28 April 2012
Rating:

Dog Snoopy is best man at Swansea church wedding!

They tied the knot after 14 years, did not want their much-loved pet to miss out on the ceremony.
Snoop kept the rings in a bag round his neck and barked to announce the service had finished.

"Nice!"

written by Inchcock, 23 April 2012
Rating:

Olbermann might be on the air soon

Keith Olbermann spent his last days at Current TV with rants about "smelly'' drivers who had the audacity to talk to him. "Our kinda guy, said a JetBlue spokesman, we're talking to Keith."

written by JAB, 04 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 31

"The Wash and Wear Revolution"

by

Paul E. Ester

written by IN SEINE, 25 April 2012
Rating:

Save Petrol

In an effort to mitigate the cost of driving a car, the government are urging Brits to car pool. "It's no good," said one commuter. "I can't swim, and neither can my car."

written by IainB, 04 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 32

"Tight Situation"

by

Leah Tard

written by IN SEINE, 26 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 35

"Half Empty Or Half Full?"

by

Philip D. Glass

written by IN SEINE, 29 April 2012
Rating:

Man Utd get double dose of the "Blues"!

Man Utd got a severe double dose of the "Blues" after they looked like a lump of Swiss cheese (remember Basel?) and now the other "Blues" will be laughing all the way to the toothless "Wolves" den!

written by Jaggedone, 22 April 2012
Rating:

So Much for Austerity!

The government are proposing (at taxpayers expense) introducing their own version of Air Force One in such times of austerity. It will be called "I don't care force one".

written by IN SEINE, 23 April 2012
Rating:

Sarko 1 to Get New Rival

To keep up with the froggies with their "Sarko 1", the UK government wants to have their own executive Jet. It will be something new to put on their expenses claims.

written by IN SEINE, 23 April 2012
Rating:

No Charity for Cameron

Opinion Polls indicate that Cameron is no longer a Good Cause.

written by j.w., 24 April 2012
Rating:

Chocolate Is to Follow Cigarettes

The latest idea from the EU is to sell boxes of chocolates without any fancy packaging because it encourages obesity in much the same way as fancy packaging and cigarettes. It is claimed.

written by IN SEINE, 24 April 2012
Rating:

Healthy GM Lamb Introduced

Genetically-modified lamb with a 'healthy' type of fat naturally found in fish and nuts have been cloned for the first time, by Chinese scientists. However, it still tastes like chicken!

written by IN SEINE, 24 April 2012
Rating:

Mad cow disease found in California

aka another Mitt Romney supporter.

written by radiogagger, 25 April 2012
Rating:

Ronaldo misses penalty in shoot out v Bayern Munich

What a winker.

written by radiogagger, 26 April 2012
Rating:

Obama's Secret Service agents sent home from Summit of Americas for misconduct

The alleged misconduct may have involved prostitutes in Cartagena, site of the Summit of the Americas. DNC's Hilary Rosen,who created a stir over Ann Romney, said, "At least they're working women"

written by JAB, 14 April 2012
Rating:

Election 2012 Politics

President Obama and Republican presidential candidate Romney are courting the nation's women. Do Michelle Obama and Ann Romney know about this?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 April 2012
Rating:

Kim Jong-un Takes Positon in Pfizer

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un announced today that his country is taking a major position in Pfizer Inc. He has directed his rocket scientists to fuel their next rocket with Viagara.

written by waterman, 15 April 2012
Rating:

Nottingahm Chemist robbed of 500 box's of Viagra!

The suspect is suspected to be a hardened criminal!

written by Inchcock, 15 April 2012
Rating:

Bad Headline: number 103

HEALTH INSURERS SHOULD COVER NEW BREASTS

written by IN SEINE, 20 April 2012
Rating:

Possibility of a New Pearl Harbour

Fears are growing in the US that Japan will start A New Pearl Harbour in retaliation for this morning's sinking of the tsunami "ghost ship" by live cannon fire from the US Coast Guard.

written by IN SEINE, 06 April 2012
Rating:

IT worker turns himself in for urinating on colleague's chairs!

The Des Moines Register reports that 59-year-old Raymond Foley turned himself in to face a charge of second-degree criminal mischief!

Ioaan man charged

"Maybe they pissed him off?"

written by Inchcock, 07 April 2012
Rating:

Hillary Cuts Loose on Columbian Dancefloor

Mrs. Clinton guzzled a large volume of aguardiente, the same Columbian elixir that befell 11 Secret Service agents. Her last whereabouts are unknown. Hotels are being searched citywide.

written by waterman, 16 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 24

"Sherlock Holmes"

by

Scott Linyard

written by IN SEINE, 18 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 25

The Palace Roof has a Hole"

by

Lee King

written by IN SEINE, 19 April 2012
Rating:

How many agents does it take guard the POTUS

None -if you're screwing hookers in Columbia

written by JAB, 16 April 2012
Rating:

Sky Diver Young orders parachute for Manchester Derby!

Ashley Young is worried about having to dive so high against Man City to get a penalty that he has ordered a parachute to soften his landing!

written by Jaggedone, 16 April 2012
Rating:

Jennifer Aniston Has a Secret Half Brother

Damn! Bad luck Jennifer. One more guy who you can't marry and live happily ever after with...

written by radiogagger, 07 April 2012
Rating:

Nicki Minaj in New York without her trousers.

Damn, I suppose I'll have to give em back...

written by radiogagger, 07 April 2012
Rating:

Kate Middleton Is 'Too Beautiful' To Paint According To Royal Artist

He had to say that - or it was off to the tower for him!

written by radiogagger, 08 April 2012
Rating:

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 15

"A Skunk In The House"

by

P. Yew

written by IN SEINE, 09 April 2012
Rating:

This will be a one term government says Ed Miliband.

As compared to his own 'zero term government' while leader...

written by radiogagger, 01 April 2012
Rating:

Sugar 'is the same as poison' claims leading doctor

Just off to make the missus a cuppa.

written by radiogagger, 03 April 2012
Rating:

Circulation of The Sun Sunday drops to 2.4m

600,000 people woke up on a sunday morning and smelt the coffee...

written by radiogagger, 14 April 2012
Rating:

Snippets weekly Omnibus moved from sundays to friday nights

Perfect for insomniacs!

written by radiogagger, 14 April 2012
Rating:

Biden's take on the prostitute episode in Columbia

According to Vice President Biden, "This flap in Columbia with hookers and our secret agents is a big fuckin' deal."

written by JAB, 15 April 2012
Rating:

A message from the Government:

Happy New (Tax) Year
As a small token, we are giving you a 5p gift in the pound.
Don't spend it all at once (on petrol or pasties)
And finally, don't forget to vote for us...

written by radiogagger, 07 April 2012
Rating:

Liverpool in crisis after 6 defeats in 7 league games.

The Anfield Cat is on standby by to replace Kenny Dalglish as caretaker if needed.

written by radiogagger, 03 April 2012
Rating:

Mourinho aims for a bullseye instead of talking bull.

Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho has given his pre-match news conference another miss. It's the 45th he has avoided since taking over at the Bernabeu in 2010. His assistant, Aitor Karanka, deputised.

written by radiogagger, 13 April 2012
Rating:

Football Association confirmed FA Cup final will kick off at 1715 BST on 5 May.

Ahhh, you can't beat the tradition of the FA Cup...

written by radiogagger, 16 April 2012
Rating:

Ke$ha tweets pics of herself peeing in public.

Classy. Remind me to un-invite her to sunday lunch at my parents next week.

written by radiogagger, 29 April 2012
Rating:

Bad Headline: Number 98

INCLUDE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN BAKING COOKIES

written by IN SEINE, 08 April 2012
Rating:

Screwed Up Priorities

Muslim fanatics attack & kill Christians in nations that don't have a "pot to piss in" & destroy any economic infrastructure. Yet, environmentalists are worried about climate change in these nations!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 April 2012
Rating:

Bad headline: number 100

MAN FOUND DEAD IN CEMETERY

written by IN SEINE, 09 April 2012
Rating:

Study Shows We Use Only 10% Of Our Brains To Realize That Isn't True

The same study claims the average person will read that headline a total of three times before finally admitting to themselves that they don't get it.

written by Gregamemnon, 30 April 2012
Rating:

Badminton Horse Trials Cancelled

The RSPCA have finally got their wish.

They have claimed for many years that making horses play badminton was cruel.

written by Simon Saunders, 30 April 2012
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