Lindsay Lohan's mistaken identity at morgue where she's performing service
Due to skin damage caused by drinking, smoking, and hard drugs, morgue workers mistook Lindsay Lohan for a corpse. Said Bo Nutter, "Pale and don't move, let alone work. Even the dead fart sometimes."
written by Lyndon
, 27 October 2011
New England Patriots actually not angry with Gronkowski over photos with porn star
TE Rob Gronkowski is taking heat after photos of BiBi Jones wearing his jersey appeared on the porn star's Twitter account. Said head coach Bill Belichick, "We're not angry, we're just effin jealous."
written by Lyndon
, 27 October 2011
Medium Derek Acora killed himself today in an attempt to prove that ghosts are real. "I'll come back and haunt you sceptical bastards," he said before shooting himself.
His ghost has not been seen.
California To Release 30,000 Prison Inmates
California says that due to prison overcrowding they may have to release 30,000 convicts into society. Rick Perry said he will rent them "Old Sparky" the electric chair for $5,000 a week.
Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul Differ But Only In The Wording
Michele Bachmann stated that she does not like political pundit Bill Maher because he is an atheist. Ron Paul chimed in and said that he doesn't like him because he's stupid.
The Airline Industry Seating Situation Is Getting Out-of-Control
An attorney for an anorexic woman who weighs 78 pounds, argues that if airlines charge overweight people for two tickets then his underweight client should be charged for half a ticket.
Chaz Bono Certainly Has It All Figured Out
Chaz Bono was asked now that he has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars what he plans on doing. He smiled and replied, "Nothing, just like I was doing before Dancing With The Stars."
Mitt Romney Can Easily Spot The Differences Between Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul
Mitt Romney says that the only difference between Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul is lots of hair, lots of birthday cake candles, and lots of hair spray.
Herman Cain - The Man Does Know How To Make A Buck
Herman Cain says that if he is elected president he will generate some much needed revenue by selling the United States Postal Department on eBay.
Tory health spokesman Mark Simmonds, is paid £50,000 a year to work 10 hours a month as "strategic adviser"
He was a minister when the controversial reforms were drawn up, gets more than £400 an hour from Circle Health, the first firm to win control of an NHS hospital!
The nepotistic philargyrist!
Latest Voting intention poll results 26 Oct 2011
Latest Voting intention poll results;
Conservatives - 35%
New Labour - 42%
Lib-Dems - 4%
Others - 19%
Nick Clegg was unavailable for comment.
Nottingham Council reveals Bonfire Firework displays planned
Bramcote Grove, Kirkby in Ashfield Municipal Park, the Forest, and Canning Street, St Anns, Central, and Hyson Green police stations.
Guy Fawkes failure blamed for Coalition
Guy Fawkes historian Dinah Mite, added; "Fawkes in hell, if only he'd not been caught!"
Government Business Secretary Vince Cable has been fined by the taxman!
For failing to pay up to £25,000 in VAT (you know, that tax that the Coalition said they would not increase but did!).
A £500 fine sounds a very liberal amount to me?
Democratic armchair liberals support the Occupy Wall Street protestors wealth redistribution policies, until the liberal's find out these policies also apply to their wealth!
Obama Leading From Behind
President Obama led the non-war in Libya from behind. The establishment of a Libyan Islamic state like Iran's will demonstrate where the president's head was!
Republicans and Democrats on the Super Committee have identified the leading cause of deficit spending in the US as President Obama!
No Math Skills or Brains
Occupy Wall Street protestors are upset over US government corporate welfare. They say the US government should give $1 million to 150 million workers, which amounts to $150 trillion!
VP Biden Speaks
Southwestern states are in a severe drought situation. VP Biden defends President Obama's $34 billion Rainmaker Program to create jobs, blaming Republican's for throwing cold water on the program!
What Peaceful Protestors?
Occupy Wall Street protestors desire peaceful wealth redistribution polices. They then threaten to use violence to achieve wealth redistribution by force to people that don't agree!
Libertarian presidential candidate Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) embraced the anti-abortion tenets of the Faith and Freedom Coalition. A true libertarian would have said it's none of the government's business!