Gene Simmons Finally Discovers Consequences of Getting Married
Gene Simmons, KISS legend/reality star, finally wed longtime galpal Shannon Tweed. During the ceremony, after the pair traded vows, Simmons' testicles fell off and rolled under Tweed's waiting feet.
Thousands of NATO Troops Made Redundant
With the job finished in Libya, the governments of many bankrupt countries have made their troops redundant.
Perry, Romney, Agree to Old-Fashioned Pistol Duel if Necessary
Texas Gov. Rick Perry and Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney have agreed to an Old West-style gunfight if they are the two finalists in the GOP primary election. It's not like they really like each other!
Bachmann Unexpectedly Earns Clinton's Full Support
Michele Bachmann, GOP presidential hopeful, earned political support of former president Bill Clinton, a Democrat. Clinton saw her eating a footlong corndog in Iowa and said "She's the one for me!"
Cain and Obama to Play Hoops for White House
Herman Cain, if nominated by the GOP, says he has accepted a challenge from President Obama to play a game of one-on-one for the presidency. "This will save the voters alot of time trying to decide".
Alien filmed in Amazon jungle is Michael Jackson's ghost!
After being filmed by 2 Brits who were high on the local cocktail, cachaca, it seems that the alien was certainly Michael Jackson's ghost. He was filmed moonwalking and whistling Billie Jean!
Jon Huntsman Hates Being The Unknown GOPer
GOP low-profile candidate Jon Huntsman angrily told CNN that if 873 more people ask him who he is, he is dropping out of the GOP presidential race.
Ron Paul - The Man Who Kinda Knows His Colors
Ron Paul was asked what he thought about Herman Cain being referred to as the token black GOP candidate. Paul smiled and asked, "Herman Cain is black?"
Snoop Doggie Dog patents Mary Jane
After years of just smoking his baby, Snoop Doggy Dog filed an application to the United States Trademark Office for a patent on sweet Mary Jane. Snoop Doggie Dog could not be reached for comment.
Herman Cain Takes Voice Lessons from Samuel Jackson
Herman Cain has been seen with Samuel Jackson on a weekly basis the day before the Republican presidential debates. The waitress in the restaurant says it sounds like the mashing of the tongue.
Ron Artest's New Nickname is Hashtags
After Ron Artest's friend Global Green Giant, came to him and told him what Twitter hashtags meant, Metta World Peace said that he would rename his nickname on NBA Live 2012 Maybe, hashtags.
Bristol Palin Joins Occupy Wall St. to Piss Mom Off
After Sarah Palin refused to watch Bristol's kid since she had plans to watch the wolves race each other that night, Bristol Palin swore she would join Occupy St. and denounce the Tea Party.
Ron Paul Admits Sarah Palin is Missing Puzzle Piece
It was hard for Ron Paul to believe how all this time no one on the debate stage ever mentioned anything about Sarah Palin. He says, "Perry and Romney would not have thrown punches at each other.
UK Crime Rises 10%
The House of Commons crooks were not included in the survey.
It's curtains for Willie Hague's hotel bedroom romps!
Yes new ones have been fitted today.
Of a turquoise and pink floral pattern, overlaying a luminous magenta and heliotrope background of fairies playing together. Edged with delicate Chantilly lace.
MP's grant themselves 17 weeks holiday a year!
And the 17 weeks, doesn't even include weekends, or the free so called fact finding jaunts abroad!
Spokesman for the cabinet, Robin Umblind could not comment, as he was on holiday in the Bahamas.
El Señor Kobe Bryant Is One Angry 'Muchacho'
Kobe Bryant is so angry at the NBA lockout and the fact that there may not be a basketball season that he says he may just move to Tijuana and become Mexico's first black matador.
$imon Cowell Is One Rich Engli$hman
Ron Paul said when he's elected president he'll pick Simon Cowell as his secretary of the treasury. When asked why he said because I heard that he has more money than Scotland and Ireland combined.
President Obama's Stolen Teleprompter "She" Has Been Found
President Obama's stolen teleprompter has been located. It was found in a fake piñata shop in Mexicali, Mexico, where it was being used to teach conversational English to soon-to-be illegal aliens.
Ron Paul Knows What He Thinks He Knows
Ron Paul was asked who he would choose to be his secretary of defense. He thought about it for a few minutes. Woke up from his nap and replied, "Joan Rivers - because she is one mean as hell bitch."
President Obama continues to praise the anarchist, anti-Semitic, communist, freeloading Occupy Wall Street protestors to prevent them from coming to the White House and messing up the front lawn!
Blue States Need to Cut Spending Elsewhere
Obama's new, new jobs bill is still a taxpayer funded payoff to Democratic state teachers and construction unions. State governments are supposed to fund infrastructure & teachers salaries via taxes!
Pass the Green Cigarettes
Appearing very mellow, SML Reid announced that President Obama's latest jobs bill was necessary because the US private sector was doing OK but the public sector needed more jobs!
Joe's Not Cool
VP Biden having exhausted the number of feet he can put in his mouth has put his arse in his mouth, while ranting about President Obama's latest jobs bill!
Failure to Communicate
In the 18th century information took weeks to get to different places in the US. Today the American Public can receive disinformation from President Obama, VP Biden and HML Reid instantaneously!
Condescending Obama, Deserves No Respect
President Obama wants respect but is very sophomoric, condescending and speaks down to opponents of his jobs bill when describing dividing his previous jobs bill into separate chunks!
Time for a Channel Change
People used to switch TV channels when a toilet paper commercial came on. Now when President Obama comes on pushing his jobs bill, people look for a toilet paper commercial to watch!
Obama Destroys the Seafood, Fish and Recreation Industries
The Obama administration, via executive order, has put the federal bureaucrats (rabid environmentalists) in control of the oceans, lakes and rivers of the US. You need a permit to walk on the beach!
Washington DC Get Out of Our Lives
President Obama's one-term legacy will be that he has caused segments of the American people to find they distrust the federal government for the first time in their lifetimes!
President Obama has been accused of being a socialist and/or clueless. A change is being considered for the term President of the United States (POTUS) to SOTUS or COTUS!