Spoof news snippets from October 2011
There were 555 spoof news snippets published in October 2011. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Turmoil As X-Factor Viewing Figures Plummet
Fans turn off to watch paint dry instead.
New Self-Help Group Problems
A new self-help group called Liars Anonymous has had problems in their advertising, because each advertisement carries a different venue. Nobody knows which is the correct one.
Rick Santorum Keeps Insisting That He Is Not At All Gay
Rick Santorum has stated that he is tired of people thinking that he is gay. He remarked that he personally knows lots of males who wear lavender colored Spider Man boxer shorts.
The Freedom of the Russian Press
Pravda have today announced that it welcomed letters to the editor.
All correspondents were required to include their full name, address and next of kin.
Thousands of NATO Troops Made Redundant
With the job finished in Libya, the governments of many bankrupt countries have made their troops redundant.
Bad Headline Number 90
LAWYERS GIVE POOR FREE LEGAL ADVICE
Middle East debt swap?
Palestinian leaders have offered Israel the chance to swap debts to help ease their financial troubles. They would like to swap every $1000 of their own debt for $1 of Israeli debt.
Greece sees general strike
A general strike is under way in Greece. Fortunately, the Greek army are not being used at the moment, so Field Marshal Stavros does not miss his generals.
Bad Headline Number: 91
STADIUM AIR CONDITIONING FAILS - FANS PROTEST
Lady-man-boobs on the rise
Amid a worrying rise in female drinking habits, this year there has been a 300% increase in operations to remove female moobs, or foobs.
Jimmy Saville Dies aged 84
How's about that then!
Harold Camping Is Good At Predicting Sarah Palin Stuff
Harold Camping says people made fun of his predictions. But he did correctly predict Sarah Palin's affair with Glen Rice, her affair with Todd's business partner, and her affair with the Vibro KY-18.
Governor Chris Christie Cannot Stop Thinking About You-Know-What
Governor Chris Christie was asked what his favorite campaign slogan is. He answered right away, "Food!"
David Cameron Has Published a New Book
The British Prime Minister, David Cameron, has today published a new book to help people understand his many U-turns. It is called a Contradictionary.
Man Thrown Out Of Milton Keynes Islamic Fashion Shop
A man was forced to leave an Islamic fashion shop, Mosque Bros, in Milton Keynes today, after he tried to buy a bomber jacket.
Bad Headline Number 89
19 FEET BROKEN IN THE POLE VAULT
The Women of Wisconsin Have Been Warned
Physicians in Wisconsin are warning women about the hazards of the new Do-It-Yourself Liposuction Trend after a 317 pound woman in Sheboygan accidentally lipo sucked out one of her ovaries.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Had A Darn Good Reason For Saying "No Thanks"
Governor Chris Christie confided to a close friend that he really did not want to get into the GOP presidential race because it would have greatly cut into his eating time.
The Black People Have Spoken Out On Herman Cain
A poll asked 1,000 black voters what they thought about Herman Cain, the only black in the GOP presidential race. A total of 991 said that Cain is not black and that he just has one hell of a tan.
Herman Cain Kinda Felt Like He Was At A Ron Paul Rally
After Herman Cain was heckled by Ron Paul supporters in Alabama he turned to his campaign Chief of Staff Mark "Smokey" Block and asked, "Say brutha, are you sure you advertised this thing right?"
The US will Introduce Fish as Currency
Beginning next fall, the US Treasury Department will begin using mackerel as currency.
The Statue of Liberty will Party Like it's 1999
The Statue of Liberty is upset as news spreads that the bust of Winston Churchill will not be at her party.
To Tan Or Not To Tan
California has just banned the use of tanning beds for anyone under the age of 18. Reports are that there are a lot of very unhappy six and seven-year-olds in Beverly Hills.
Rumsfeld 'pissed' at derisory auction bid for Saddam's buttock
"We were after his sorry ass for years and it cost us billions" he said.
Where Oh Where Did Tim Pawlenty's Voters Go?
Newt Gingrich said once Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the GOP race he took the 'dumbass vote' with him. Michele Bachmann remarked, "You're wrong there Fig Newton. I got the 'dumbass vote' now bitch!"
President Obama's Stolen Teleprompter "She" Has Been Found
President Obama's stolen teleprompter has been located. It was found in a fake piñata shop in Mexicali, Mexico, where it was being used to teach conversational English to soon-to-be illegal aliens.
Jon Huntsman Hates Being The Unknown GOPer
GOP low-profile candidate Jon Huntsman angrily told CNN that if 873 more people ask him who he is, he is dropping out of the GOP presidential race.
Willie Nelson Does Know His Republican Candidates
Marijuana enthusiast Willie Nelson was asked which of the GOP candidates would be prefer see run against President Obama. Willie put down his guitar and roach clip and replied, "Abraham Lincoln."
Rick Perry Definitely Knows How To Keep Folks Happy
Gov. Rick Perry says that in order to make everyone happy about the former name of his ranch he is renaming it The Grand Old Oprah Land.
China Knows How To Play The Game And Play It Damn Good!
A Chinese court has ruled that the recent Chinese-American basketball brawl was caused by the U.S. players. The team has been fined $800,000 and that amount will simply be tacked on to the U.S. bill.
Herman Cain Seems To Have Forgotten One Very Important Thing
Reverend Al Sharpton recently said that Herman Cain seems to have forgotten that he's a black man as evidenced by the fact that he agreed to be the guest speaker at a KKK rally in Mississippi.
Paris Hilton Is Not Ashamed of Her Blonde Roots
The public relations director at NASA revealed that he recently received a letter from Paris Hilton wanting to know why they have never sent a space ship to the sun.
The Next Hurricane Will Definitely Fix The Problem
Residents of Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina have been told not to become alarmed about the newly discovered active volcano just west of town since the next hurricane will completely destroy it.
LeBron James Has Had An NBA Change of Heart
LeBron James says that he is tired of being constantly criticized for joining the Miami Heat and he has asked to please be traded back to his old team the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Tiger Woods - The Man Is Desperate To Get His 'Game' Back
Tiger Woods recently stated that in the interest of trying to change his bad luck he is seriously thinking about dating a black woman.
Michele Bachmann Talks About GOP Legs
Michele Bachmann says that since Sarah Palin has decided not to run that she now has the prettiest legs of all the GOP candidates with the one possible exception of Rick "Sidesaddle" Santorum.
Jon Huntsman Reveals His Top Three Priorities
Jon Huntsman was asked what his three most pressing issues are. He answered, one, the war; two, the economy; and three, trying to find out why Netflix has lost 800,000 customers in the past 90 days.
Rick Santorum Has Finally Cleared It Up
Rick Santorum was asked why he dislikes gays so much. He responded by saying, "Because they talk funny, they walk funny, and they wear too much lavender colored clothes."
Newt Gingrich Is Not Welcome In The Hood
Newt Gingrich's Whiter Than White Bus Tour accidentally pulled into Harlem. The bus driver drove away immediately and later noticed that three of the bus tires were missing along with the tailpipe.
Chris "Chubby" Christie - The Man With Food On The Brain
Governor Chris "Chubby" Christie was asked what he would do to create more jobs. He asked "Hot Dogs?" When told the word was "Jobs" he said "Oh hamburgers, well I guess we'll just cook more of 'em."
Death Penalty Horror
Money saving measures being considered by the Government have been dropped as plans to electrocute long term prisoners would be higher than keeping them in prison.
Michele Bachmann Says That Herman Cain Is Not Playing Fair
Michele Bachmann says she is furious as she has just heard a rumor that the Herman Cain campaign lured away her New Hampshire political campaign staff with the promise of 'Free Pizzas.'
Jon Huntsman The Non-Smoker Speaks Out About Smoking
Jon Huntsman pointed out that he has never smoked. He said that while in college he did pop Fred Flintstone Multi-Vitamins like the suckers were M&Ms but that was the extent of his addiction.
So Farewell, Steve Jobs
Erm ... I never owned or worked on anything by Apple. Sorry. I have friends who do, though.
So Farewell, Bert Jansch.
I have a guitar. Two actually. Bet you had more - and I bet you could play them a damn site better than me, too. Well, that's a no-brainer, really.
Washington DC Pre-School to perform Full Pat Downs on Students.
Bombs? Weapons? Sarah Palin dolls? No! Poopies!
Michele Bachmann And Herman Cain Chickened Out Of The Question
Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain refused to answer if they believe that Mormon Mitt Romney is a Christian or not. Cain did admit that Bachmann is a female and Bachmann did admit that Cain is black.
Medium Derek Acora killed himself today in an attempt to prove that ghosts are real. "I'll come back and haunt you sceptical bastards," he said before shooting himself.
His ghost has not been seen.
Ron Paul Sure Got Their Attention Up In San Fransissyco
Ron Paul sure came out swinging against Michele Bachmann. He spoke at an interior designers meeting and said that she dislikes gays and lesbians so much that she wants to ban the color pink.
Michele Bachmann Has It Down To A Science (Sort of)
Michele Bachmann was asked what two things she hates more than anything else in the entire world. She said that number one is Barack Obama, number two is her period, and number three is Barack Obama.
Herman Cain Knows How To Lure Some Voters
Herman Cain, who used to be the CEO of Godfather's Pizza, has said that if he is elected president he will provide free pizza to every member of the White House Secret Service.
Cameron wants women ad
David Cameron would like to meet a woman who will hold his hand and smile when asked. Cat lovers not welcome
Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann Are Kinda Like Sisters (Sorta)
What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann? Sarah Palin smells like gun powder.
The Most Lickable Stamps In The History of The U.S. Post Office
The U.S. Post Office in order to stimulate sagging postage stamp sales will issue new postage stamps featuring nude pictures of Kim Kardashian, Shakira, Scarlett Johansson, and Beyonce.
Ron Paul Lets Mitt Romney Have It Below The Belt
Ron Paul fired off a shot at Mitt "The Mormon Master" Romney by saying that he has taken more positions than a Las Vegas prostitute.
Minnesota and Alaska - Two Cold States
Michele Bachmann who lives in Minnesota, a state whose winters are much like Alaska's, says now that Sarah "Snow Plow" Palin has decided not to run she fully expects to get all of the Eskimo vote.
Herman Cain Knows All About Round Food
David Gregory, the host of NBCs Meet The Press will interview Herman Cain and ask him about the Civil Rights Movement and why pepperoni pizzas have become so popular in just the past two years.
Rick Perry - The Straight Shootin' Honest-To-Goodness "Real" Hunter
Chris Wallace of Fox News Sunday says that he plans on interviewing Rick Perry who recently remarked that Sarah Palin is about as much a hunter as Betty White is a lap dancer.
Newt Gingrich Loves Answering Michele Bachmann's Questions
Michele Bachmann asked Newt Gingrich if he thought her new short hairdo made her look younger. He grinned and replied, "Yes it does make you look younger, and a hell of a lot dumber as well."
Ron Paul Might Just Be Too Old To Be President
Ron Paul, the oldest GOP candidate, was asked what he would do about the illegal alien problem. He said that first he would destroy their space ships and second he would destroy their space ships.
Whoopi Goldberg Knows How To Whoop It Up
Whoopi Goldberg says that Mitt Romney has all the charisma and personality of a department store mannequin.
President Obama Gets Back At Hank Williams Jr.
President Obama has hit back at Hank Williams Jr., for having called him Hitler. Today the president said that Hank Jr., looks like Boy George except with a cowboy hat, a beard, and whiskey breath.
$imon Cowell Is One Rich Engli$hman
Ron Paul said when he's elected president he'll pick Simon Cowell as his secretary of the treasury. When asked why he said because I heard that he has more money than Scotland and Ireland combined.
Ron Paul - The Hair Apparent
Michele Bachmann told Ron Paul she's proud of her brand new short hairdo. He said he hopes she kept the receipt because to be honest it looks a little like Donald Trump's ugly ass hairdo.
Sarah Palin Will Soon Be Just An 'Answer' on Jeopardy
Walmart says they're recalling over 18,000 Sarah Palin Action Figure Dolls since Palin has announced that she will not be running in 2012. The dolls will be melted down and made into condoms.
Cameron Diaz - The Ex-Yankee Girlfriend Who Can Roar Up A Storm
Cameron Diaz, the ex-girlfriend of New York Yankees player A-Rod, was so sad to see the Detroit Tigers eliminate the Yankees that she went out and bought herself shoes, jewelry, and a Tiger's cap.
Famous Last Words
"They'll never find us down here." - Gaddafi.
Britney "Oops" Spears Feels Great
Britney Spears says that she is really feeling great and proudly boasts that she has hardly lip synced at all during the past two weeks.
Herman Cain's Amazing "Gift" To Newt Gingrich
Newt Gingrich says Herman Cain would make a much better GOP presidential candidate than Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, or Michele Bachmann. He said the 500 free pizzas had nothing to do with his decision.
The Reason Michele Bachmann Is Fit To Be Tied
Michele Bachmann is so upset at the news that her entire New Hampshire staff has quit that she is thinking about never ever mentioning the name New Hampshire again.
Sarah Palin's Book Writing Neighbor Saw The Writing On The Wall
Harold Camping says that he predicted that Sarah Palin would not be running for president in 2012 way before he read about her extra-marital dalliances in her neighbor's book.
Ron Paul - The Man Who Has His Bathroom Habits All Backwards
Ron Paul was asked what his worst habit is. He thought for a while, woke up from a quick nap, and replied that his worst habit is that he leaves the toilet seat down.
The Mormon Lawmakers Are A Strict Bunch of Dudes
The Mormon Organization just passed a mandate stating that effective Jan. 1, 2012, Mormon males will not be allowed to have more than five wives. Violators will have their wieners duct taped.
George Lopez Is Still On Food Stamps
George Lopez whose talk show was cancelled two months ago still has not found a job. He told his barber that he is starting to feel like the Hispanic Sarah Palin.
Hank "Sour Grapes" Williams Jr., Put His Boot In His Mouth
Hank Williams Jr., says he's glad that ESPN fired him from Monday Night Football because after 20 years he was sick and tired of singing that stupid song, "Are You Ready For Some Football?"
The All Knowing, All Seeing Michele Bachmann
Michele Bachmann has stated that now that Sarah Palin is out of the GOP picture that leaves her and Rick Santorum as the only two Republican candidates who wear female underwear.
Lindsay "Lucky Lush" Lohan Has Finally Run Out of Chances
Lindsay Lohan will be coming out with a brand new perfume named Eau Du Why Am I So Mistreated.
You Gotta Keep Your Eyes On Those Lobsters
The National Food Federation has just issued a warning that eating lobsters whose pincher's are blinking could be extremely harmful to your health.
The 1% Demand Refund
The 1% are demanding a 100% refund from the government. They claim that they are not getting their money's worth from the politicians they purchased.
Holland Prefers To Be Safe Than Sorry
The government of Holland has decided to ban the practice of test tube babies after the recent Windex scare.
Poor Old Hank Jr., And His Wayward Mouth
The word on the street in Nashville is that Hank Williams, Jr., has just had his Smart Phone confiscated.
Joan Rivers Speaks About The TSA Pat Down Rumor
Joan Rivers says the rumor that she asked a TSA pat down agent for seconds is absolutely false. She said that she merely suggested the second pat down and added that there is a big difference.
Arkansas Knows How To Get Her Citizens To Exercise
The Arkansas state legislature in an effort to get its citizens to exercise more has just passed a bill which bans television remote controls.
Rick Santorum Shows Why He Should Be Elected President
Rick Santorum was asked why voters should pick him to be president of the United States. He said because he is excellent at making home improvements and he will make all of the White House furniture.
A Few Occupy Wall Street Volunteers Are Needed
The Occupy Wall Street Protesters Movement asked for a dozen or so volunteers to go and protest in Honolulu, Hawaii. A total of 1,383 individuals immediately volunteered to go.
PETA Is Not Welcome In Louisiana
PETA is really getting carried away. They have just announced that they will be in New Orleans conducting a "Save The Mosquitoes" protest.
Like daughter like father: toss-up as to whose mugshot is uglier
As if our prisons had room to spare, yet another Lohan is taking horribly ugly mugshots and sucking up prison resources. Michael Lohan, 51, said, "Ugly or not, I'm back in the news."
Jon Huntsman Has Just Shown His Campaign Is In Deep #2
Mitt Romney angrily remarked that he is not the next George Bush. Jon Huntsman said that if it'll get him some votes he'll gladly admit to being the next George Bush.
Michele Bachmann Has Denied The 'Inky' Rumors
Michele Bachmann denies she has a tattoo on an intimate part of her body. She said that even if she did have one it would be no ones business but her's, her husband's, and her campaign manager's.
Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul Differ But Only In The Wording
Michele Bachmann stated that she does not like political pundit Bill Maher because he is an atheist. Ron Paul chimed in and said that he doesn't like him because he's stupid.
Brutha Herman Cain He Be Talking About Rappin' a Bit
Herman Cain was asked for his thoughts on the illegal practice of cell phone jamming. He replied, "Well I guess it be okay as long as dey don't be using da "B" word too much and all"
The Airline Industry Seating Situation Is Getting Out-of-Control
An attorney for an anorexic woman who weighs 78 pounds, argues that if airlines charge overweight people for two tickets then his underweight client should be charged for half a ticket.
Ron Paul - The Man With Some Strict Stipulations
Ron Paul was asked if he would ever consider making a citizens arrest. He smiled and said that he probably would but only if the perp was 90 and was using a walker.
Herman Cain - The Man Does Know How To Make A Buck
Herman Cain says that if he is elected president he will generate some much needed revenue by selling the United States Postal Department on eBay.
Herman Cain Talks About His Secretary of The Treasury
Herman Cain was asked who would he appoint as his Secretary of the Treasury. Cain smiled a bit, looked around, and replied, "Ah dat be a no-brainer. Da answer have ta be Miss Oprah (Winfrey)."
Mitt Romney Can Easily Spot The Differences Between Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul
Mitt Romney says that the only difference between Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul is lots of hair, lots of birthday cake candles, and lots of hair spray.
Jon Huntsman Knows All About Numbers and Quotas
Jon Huntsman was asked by a reporter what he would do to eliminate poverty in his home state of Utah. He did not miss a beat as he replied that he would move the poor people down to Arizona.
Oops, It Went Right Over Mitt Romney's Head
Mitt Romney was asked if he is currently using Alberto Culver. An angry Romney replied that he has never in his life used anyone for anything.
Newt Gingrich - The Poster Fella For Anti-Gay Marriage
Newt Gingrich was asked why he is so set against gays and lesbians being able to marry. He remarked "Because once you allow them to marry next they'll want to have gay and lesbian pets."
The NBA Is Certainly Taking It's Time But Moving In The Right Direction
The NBA shot clock has finally been eliminated. Opponents felt the electronic clock broke down way too much so it will be replaced with a person who will count down from 24 and yell out "Zero!"
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