US hackers attack water system, they were thirsty!
US computer hackers have hacked into a water system which supplies water to millions and diverted the water to the Arizona desert where they live and hack; they were filthy and thirsty!
Tommy Cooper seen escaping out of Cairo!
During the clashes in Cairo a strange figure was seen running for his life, Tommy Cooper. The only thing that saved him from a deadly stone attack was his Fez; "just like that!"
Porn sites sue internet regulator because of the X factor!
Several major porn sites are suing the internet regulator because they have introduced the X factor. The porn sites are demanding the XXXXX factor, spunky!
UK severs ties with Iran and Allah gets very angry!
The UK has severed ties with Iran because of their nuclear interests. This in turn upset Allah because he enjoys a cup of Earl Grey now and then!
Russian PM booed at sports event; Siberia here they come!
Russian PM Putin was booed at a sports event and those who booed him are now running the marathon in Siberia barefoot, naked and f++k++G freezing!
World's cheapest car gets revamp: oil lamps!
The world's cheapest car has just undergone an expensive revamp: They've installed oil lamps because nobody wants to be seen dead driving it in daylight!
World debt so heavy that countries are beginning to subside!
The global debts reached by our major economies is so heavy that thety are sucking countries down below the water line. The White House is being turned into Noah's Ark just in case!
'Scientists' reject latest findings
'Scientists' in Italy are again rejecting the findings that neutrinos travel faster than the speed of light as it completely destroys all there fictional science. More as they make it up.....
Michelle Obama Is Very Strict When It Comes To Certain Stuff
The First Mama, Michelle Obama has said that she does not believe in tattoos, piercings, planking, teapotting, or horizontal hokey pokey sex videos.
Roman Polanski Offers His Advice To Ex-Coach Jerry Sandusky
Roman Polanski was asked if he had any advice for former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky. RoPo grinned and said that Sandy better move to France as soon as possible.
Michele Bachmann And The Change of Life Factor
Michele Bachmann was recently asked about the small patch of hair that has appeared on her chin. She blushed and blamed it on that damn Global Warming.
The One and Only Monica Lewinsky
The most famous female White House intern in history is back in the news. Monica Lewinsky reportedly said that she's not pregnant, but if she was she would want it to be with Justin Bieber's baby.
Duty freeze - Osborne 'trims welfare benefits to stop fuel rise'
Chancellor Osborne is drawing up plans to freeze fuel duty for motorists - by cutting back on welfare benefits.
'How kind of him!'
God is a Man United fan!
Since 1958 God has been Man United fan, sure! God sent Mon Dieu, he appointed Sir Alex and now they have Chicharito on his knees. They play crap and always win 1-0. A Holy Intervention, surely!
NHS staff told to give up annual pay increments or 35,000 jobs will go
The above headline appeared in the Guardian, on the 19th Dec 2010.
Apart from the 35,000 looking likely to be nearer 40,000, they seem to have got it right!
You can see what they're doing and they seem to have done it in a planned and intelligent way!
This comment was made in the Daily Star
Who and what have they done?
Manchester City, they've made a £195m loss!
Man charged over Nottingham shooting
A man's has been charged in connection with a shooting in the City.
Police interviewed several people about the incident, nine other men who remain on bail.
In Nottingham... never, well blow me!
Army medics have been drafted in to keep a NHS hospital running for the first time in Britain
Stafford Hospital's forced into the move to keep its accident and emergency department open during the day.
It does not have enough staff.
There was no comment from £3,200 a week Hospital Manager!
A Truckload of Nickels
U.S. Customs agents in San Diego, California confiscated over $17 million in counterfeit nickels. Agents first became suspicious when they noticed that Thomas Jefferson was wearing a baseball cap.
The Bar Patron Was Very Embarassed
The world's skinniest woman was hospitalized after she was sitting in a bar in Las Vegas in a black dress and a patron mistook her for a swizzle stick and started stirring his Vodka Collins with her.
WHO Has Issued An Important Warning
The World Health Organization has issued a warning that eating Kangaroo meat that is not fully cooked could result in an individual becoming extremely 'jumpy.'
Mumtanda Has Just Said "No" To DWTS
The African country of Mumtanda has stated that they will no longer telecast the American show Dancing With The Stars because the loud music was scaring the zebras, gazelles, and hippos.
Heidi Montag Is One Woman Who Lives For Botoxing
Heidi Montag is so obsessed with botoxing that she went in and asked her doctor to botox her ovaries.
The Yum Yum Cannibals Have Been Adequately Warned
The African country of Lower Zamgola has warned the Yum Yum cannibals against eating any Japanese tourists due to the fact that high level amounts of mercury have been found in some sushi.
Ozzy Osbourne - The Rock Prince of Darkness and Diction
Ozzy Osbourne says that he went to a pet store last week and bought a parrot and so far he has taught it to say, "PPPPollllly waaaaana craaaaaker."
John Boehner Is Working On Trying Not To Cry So Damn Much
Speaker of The House John Boehner, known as "Crybaby" Johnny because of his penchant for crying at the drop of a hat proudly revealed that he has finally been able to stop crying while showering.
Kanye West And Astro - Like Two Spoiled Peas in An iPod
Kanye West says that he likes Astro, the little, spoiled, 15-year-old, brat rapper on X-Factor because he really reminds him of himself when he was a little, spoiled, 15-year-old, brat rapper.
Australia's NASCAR Is Hopping Mad
PETA has forced Australia to ban NASCAR races after word got out that on average 14 kangaroos were being run over during each race.
Pamela Anderson Talks About Her Tattoos
Pamela Anderson confessed that she is embarrassed to say that due to mother time marching on she now has tattoos that have changed in appearance and she has no idea what they used to be.
Glenn Beck Will Soon Join The Club of Has Beens
Glenn Beck says that he is so afraid that soon nobody will remember him. He added that he is starting to feel like Gilbert Gottfried, Andrew Dice-Clay, Billy Bob Thornton, and Joaquin Phoenix.
42 million Americans on food stamps agree
Wall Street Journal, most conservative newspaper in America, acknowledges a "Congress ... struggl[ing] with the basic tasks of governance."