Gay alien has sex with Men in Black!
An Alien spotted in the Amazon jungle was definitely gay because The Men in Black claim to have had a sex orgy with him and his mates. Hollywood are filming the story called; Deliverance Mark II
Tory minister Chris Grayling tells the jobless to take casual work!
He said taking temporary jobs such as becoming a Christmas postman would help "give you an idea of the kind of career you want"
I think he should join his namesakes fish in a deep river!
Law Professor Malcolm Grant put in charge of NHS budget
The Millionaire New Zealander, chosen for the post by Health Secretary Andrew Lansley, has revealed: "I don't use the NHS"
Well fancy that!
11 prison officers are being paid to guard a jail with no inmates.
Latchmere House, in Richmond, South West London, was closed last month but staff still work there to provide "security".
No really, it's true!
Jon Huntsman - The Man Who Dares To Make A Very Interesting Promise
Jon Huntsman, campaigning in Long Island, New York, told the crowd if he's elected president he is going to do his very best to make sure that another hurricane never strikes New York state again.
Herman Cain's Political Ship Has Hit Some Rough Water
Herman Cain was asked about a woman charging him with inappropriate behavior. He refused to answer. After the third time he replied, "Look, da bitch got her damn money, now can we just move on?"
Rick Santorum Just Does Not Care For Ron Paul
Rick Santorum said that if it was not for an occasional hiccup, that Ron Paul would have no personality whatsoever.
So Then Michele Bachmann Is Not Really For The "Fence?"
Michele Bachmann has admitted that she really had no choice, after her entire New Hampshire campaign staff resigned, but to hire three illegal aliens to file away some very important papers.
George Lopez Is Still One Unhappy Camper
George Lopez still extremely angry about his talk show getting cancelled says he may become the director for the Occupy Wall Street Movement in East Los Angeles.
Herman Cain Has Some Advice For Michele Bachmann
Herman Cain said that if Michele Bachmann changed her Loretta Lynn hairdo, learned how to correctly put on makeup, and got rid of her Barbara Walter's lisp that she might not look half bad.
Newt Gingrich Said No To Appearing In A Commercial
Newt Gingrich has angrily turned down an offer from the Pillsbury Company to appear in a commercial where he would portray the adult version of the Pillsbury Doughboy, "Poppin' Fresh."
Another Victim of the Economy
We bring you sad news today that Britain's leading bra manufacturers, Playtex, have gone bust.
Stationary Lorries Hijacked
A lorry loaded with new box folders was hijacked. Later the same day, another lorry carrying boxes of Post-its was stolen. Police believe that the robberies were the work of organized crime.
Gaddafi to star in movies
Rumours persist that former Libya President, Muamar Gaddafi, is not dead and has been signed by Hollywood moguls to star in a sleazy semi porn film. The movie is based on the life of Bill Clinton. Oh!
Just Speak English
After Halloween, San Francisco Onion invites UK spoof writers over for Skittles. Skoob shows up expecting pub games, instead receives a handful of fruit chews with hard candy shells.
Herman Cain is no token!
When Godfathers slipped from 3rd to 5th in pizza chain ranks, CEO Cain closed 200 outlets and slashed thousands of jobs to increase corporate profits. This is a real Conservative, folks!
Myopic Eye Doctor
Practicing U.S. Senator and Kentucky opthalmologist Rand Paul unable to see Mason-Dixon line in map of "Right to Work" states.