Spoof news snippets from November 2011
There were 595 spoof news snippets published in November 2011. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Look-a-like competition in China.
A look-a-like competition in China was cancelled this week after everybody won.
President Obama may have mild amnesia say doctors. The President has been advised to sign all documents in future with Autopen. It seems he signed a few recently as 'Barry Soetoro'.
Chelsea Stadium to be renamed the Tampax Stadium.
Extra stewards will be drafted in to cope with the increase in Pre Match Tension.
Celebrity Chefs Confused with Pizzas new Status
Celebrity Chefs are baffled as to why Congress proclaims pizza is a vegetable when it clearly should be classified as cardboard.
Herman Cain Reveals Secret Campaign Slogan
"Hold the pepperoni."
Vegetarians For Jesus Make Announcement
Graffiti Artists For Jesus Make Announcement
Let us spray.
Hold Onto Your Hat
When anyone begins to refer to himself or herself in 3rd person, hold onto your hat. Lots of hot air will be blowing your way.
Another Victim of the Economy
We bring you sad news today that Britain's leading bra manufacturers, Playtex, have gone bust.
The Kardashians Are All Pretty Mad
The Kardashian Family is still upset about Rob Kardashian coming in second place on Dancing With The Stars. Kris Kardashian-Jenner says that she is getting up a petition to force ABC to do a recount.
Proof That the Pope Smokes Dope!
It has been reported that Pope Benedict XVI has contracted a 'joint disease'
Newt Gingrich Is Fit To Be Tied
Newt Gingrich is reportedly quite upset that several kids mistook him for the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Pillsbury Doughboy Balloon.
Clegg - UK taxpayer to fund out of work youngsters
I have no problem with this idea from our great coalition government. The 'young' can pop round to my house Tuesday next as I have a shed that needs re-felting?
BT Have Crossed Wires
Tragedy struck when British Telecom inadvertently rerouted phone calls for the Suicide Hotline to the Nike Athletic Shoe Company instead, where callers were greeted with the slogan "Just do it."
Bad Headline Number 92
TENNIS BALL MANUFACTURER ENDS UP IN COURT
Sometimes It's Hard Being a Woman
On the one hand, scientists say that red wine can combat the effects of serious diseases, yet, on the other hand, one glass, just one glass, can increase the chance of breast cancer.
Sarah "The Loose Moose" Palin Says She Is Still Depressed
Sarah Palin is so depressed about not running for president in 2012 that she hasn't even felt like going out in the state-owned helicopter and shooting a moose with her high-powered telescopic rifle.
The Broom Was Making Sounds
PETA has filed charges against a 97-year-old man after he mistook a porcupine for a broom and swept his entire house with the traumatized varmint.
"You're Crap And You Ain't Funny!" Shouts Heckler.
"Yeah, but I'm not banging my sister!" replies stand up comic.
Stationary Lorries Hijacked
A lorry loaded with new box folders was hijacked. Later the same day, another lorry carrying boxes of Post-its was stolen. Police believe that the robberies were the work of organized crime.
Governor Chris Christie Talks About Thanksgiving
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was asked what Thanksgiving means to him. He smiled and replied "Well food wise it's just another day cause I pretty much have a Thanksgiving dinner every day."
Does this fossil prove northern Europe's first human was a
President of... Torquay? (WTF? - Ed)
DR Congo struck off
The British Association of Patients (BAP) have decided that DR Congo is no longer fit to practise medicine. A failed doctor, Congo is corrupt, open to bribery and prone to violence.
Fruit Lobby Prepares to Protest Ruling
The fruit lobby is upset that pizza is considered a vegetable in US schools. "It should be a fruit. Tomatoes are actually fruit."
That Was One Mad As Hell Great Dane!
An extremely angry Great Dane ate a KIA Spectra after being neutered.
The Sad Case of The K-9 Pooch
A veteran police dog in Boston was let go after it was learned that he had been taking Kibbles 'n Bits bribes.
Kansas Bans A Popular Kids Game
Kansas has outlawed the children's party game of bunny rabbit juggling. They say it traumatizes the kids and the bunny rabbits hate it all to hell.
Gaddafi 'bedded four women' before holding.....
rough trade talks with Prince Andrew!
Man Who Pinched PCSO's Bottom Admits Theft
A Liverpool man who pinched a PCSO's bottom has admitted theft and promises to return the item immediately.
Michelle Obama Is Very Strict When It Comes To Certain Stuff
The First Mama, Michelle Obama has said that she does not believe in tattoos, piercings, planking, teapotting, or horizontal hokey pokey sex videos.
"I Hate You, I Hate Everything You Stand For! You're A Loser!" Heckler Calls Out
"Ask your momma and your half sister if they agree...I doubt it," replies stand-up comic.
Report declares mass killer Anders Behring Breivik insane
No shit; because sane people do this all the time!
Michele Bachmann - The Sarah Palin of History
Michele Bachmann revealed what Thanksgiving meant to her. She said it's a time of reflecting back when the Indian maiden Pocahontas Revere rode through Boston yelling that the British were coming.
The Reason Sasha Obama Is One Angry Little Girl
The White House Secret Service has informed Sasha Obama that taking her grandmother to her classes weekly Show and Tell exercise is not acceptable.
It Took Him Three Tries But "Old Mittens" Romney Finally Got It Right
Mitt Romney said in Miami if elected he'll build a wall around Florida to keep the Cubans out. He was booed. He said he meant the Puerto Ricans. He was booed. He finally said he meant the Iranians.
There Were Definitely Strings Attached
A woman in Cleveland who said that her boyfriend has been collecting string for the past 10 years has ended their relationship saying he was just stringing her along.
Bad Headline Number 93
DOCTORS MUST NOT SIGN OFF SICK (from BBC News website)
Pizza is Now a Vegetable
After Congress votes that pizza is now a vegetable for school lunches, pizza is upset because kids tend not to like vegetables.
Donald Trump's Heart Was In The Right Place
As a goodwill gesture Donald Trump had planned to provide a Thanksgiving dinner for the Occupy Wall Street protesters but changed him mind when some of them said that they'd rather have the money.
A Truckload of Nickels
U.S. Customs agents in San Diego, California confiscated over $17 million in counterfeit nickels. Agents first became suspicious when they noticed that Thomas Jefferson was wearing a baseball cap.
Michele Bachmann And The Change of Life Factor
Michele Bachmann was recently asked about the small patch of hair that has appeared on her chin. She blushed and blamed it on that damn Global Warming.
Kanye West And Astro - Like Two Spoiled Peas in An iPod
Kanye West says that he likes Astro, the little, spoiled, 15-year-old, brat rapper on X-Factor because he really reminds him of himself when he was a little, spoiled, 15-year-old, brat rapper.
John Boehner Is Working On Trying Not To Cry So Damn Much
Speaker of The House John Boehner, known as "Crybaby" Johnny because of his penchant for crying at the drop of a hat proudly revealed that he has finally been able to stop crying while showering.
Ozzy Osbourne - The Rock Prince of Darkness and Diction
Ozzy Osbourne says that he went to a pet store last week and bought a parrot and so far he has taught it to say, "PPPPollllly waaaaana craaaaaker."
Pamela Anderson Talks About Her Tattoos
Pamela Anderson confessed that she is embarrassed to say that due to mother time marching on she now has tattoos that have changed in appearance and she has no idea what they used to be.
Where Oh Where Did The Good Old Fashioned College Days Go?
The American people want colleges and universities to return to the good old days when students would not have to worry about getting molested in the showers or pepper sprayed for having a picnic.
Fido and Fluffy Are Two Happy Pets
A homeless man in Beverly Hills, California has just become a millionaire with his invention of condoms for family pets, including dogs, cats, and hamsters.
Can You Say OUCH?
A Lake Charles, Louisiana man was furious when he woke up from a nap and found that his wife had given him a vasectomy using a lobster.
Mexico Has A Very Serious Problem
Mexico says the Guatemalan illegal alien problem is getting out of hand. The plan to start construction on a wall between Mexico and Guatemala that will be built from recycled tamale shucks.
Michele Bachmann Overheard Herman Cain Whispering To Newt Gingrich
Michele Bachmann has said that she does not appreciate Herman Cain turning to Newt Gingrich during their recent GOP Debate and whispering "Hey bro, Michele kinda looks like an anorexic turkey huh?"
Hank Williams Jr., Says He Likes A 'Stand Up' Guy
Hank Williams Jr., was asked which of the GOP candidates he liked the best. Hank Jr., replied, "I really don't like any of 'em but dat little feller from Texas, Ronnie Paul is one funny ass dude."
Ndamukong Suh's Learns That What Goes Around Comes Around
The Fox Sports Football Transformer has reportedly been fined and suspended for two games because he ran over Detroit Lions' Ndamukong Suh's feet.
Herman Cain Says It's A Matter of Just Being Politically Correct
Herman Cain said that he does not want to make waves but he does wish that instead of calling it Black Friday everyone would use the politically correct term African-American Friday instead.
Berlusconi shown what a 'well-hung' Italian leader looks like
Angela Merkel flashes him the last pictures of Mussolini.
Rick Santorum Needs To Brush Up On His "Cyphering"
Rick Santorum referred to Africa as being a country. Ron Paul corrected him by saying Africa is a continent. Santorum replied "Okay Ronnie, that's really six dozen of one, half a dozen of the other."
"You're A Pervert!" Heckler Yells.
"Please - keep a civil tongue in my arse when you say that," replies stand-up comic.
"Tell It Like It Is - You're A Gaylord!" Shouts Heckler
"Nah. Sorry mate. Looks like the gaylord fairy bypassed me and landed in your closet. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay...ask your Dad." Stand-up comic replies.
Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad
Rick Perry remembered two out of three. That's two more than Sarah Palin.
Kate Gosselin Says She Wants To Be Just Like The Kardashians
Mama Kardashian, Kris Jenner, told Kate Gosselin that if she truly wants to be like the Kardashians that she is going to have to go get her butt injected with about four pounds of butt cheek filler.
Air Force One's Name Will Be Changed For One Week
President Obama has said that in honor of Hip Hop Week he has agreed to change the name of Air Force One to Air Force It Be The One Bro.
Mitt Romney Says Herman Cain Might As Well Just Save His Excuses
Mitt Romney commented that the Herman Cain 'women in the past' thing is much to do about nothing. "Old Mittens" said "Let's be honest here, there is no way Cain is beating either me or Rick Perry.
Remember You Are Judged By The Hat You Wear
Herman Cain has been advised to stop wearing a black cowboy hat due to the fact that a black hat signifies someone who is an outlaw, a bandit, and a desperado. Well on second thought.
"Hey Herman, I Gotta Jur Pizza Righta Here Bro!"
Herman Cain says that he is so fed up with all of the talk about "PizzaGate" that he may quit the GOP race, move to Italy, and open up some pizza restaurants.
The White House Shots Heard 'Round The World
When the Secret Service learned that someone had fired some gunshots that hit the White House they immediately called up Dick "Shotgun" Cheney and asked him if he knew anything about it.
President Obama Brings Back Gifts From Australia
President Obama visited Australia. He picked up a kangaroo for Malia, a koala bear for Sasha, and some more lame denials for Herman Cain.
The Bar Patron Was Very Embarassed
The world's skinniest woman was hospitalized after she was sitting in a bar in Las Vegas in a black dress and a patron mistook her for a swizzle stick and started stirring his Vodka Collins with her.
The Yum Yum Cannibals Have Been Adequately Warned
The African country of Lower Zamgola has warned the Yum Yum cannibals against eating any Japanese tourists due to the fact that high level amounts of mercury have been found in some sushi.
Mumtanda Has Just Said "No" To DWTS
The African country of Mumtanda has stated that they will no longer telecast the American show Dancing With The Stars because the loud music was scaring the zebras, gazelles, and hippos.
Australia's NASCAR Is Hopping Mad
PETA has forced Australia to ban NASCAR races after word got out that on average 14 kangaroos were being run over during each race.
The One and Only Monica Lewinsky
The most famous female White House intern in history is back in the news. Monica Lewinsky reportedly said that she's not pregnant, but if she was she would want it to be with Justin Bieber's baby.
Glenn Beck Will Soon Join The Club of Has Beens
Glenn Beck says that he is so afraid that soon nobody will remember him. He added that he is starting to feel like Gilbert Gottfried, Andrew Dice-Clay, Billy Bob Thornton, and Joaquin Phoenix.
Heidi Montag Is One Woman Who Lives For Botoxing
Heidi Montag is so obsessed with botoxing that she went in and asked her doctor to botox her ovaries.
WHO Has Issued An Important Warning
The World Health Organization has issued a warning that eating Kangaroo meat that is not fully cooked could result in an individual becoming extremely 'jumpy.'
College News: Penn State Gets Knocked Off The Front Page
The president of Penn State University was overheard on the phone saying, "Oh thank goodness for the University of California at Davis!"
Ron Paul Focuses On The Penn State Students
Ron Paul stated that Penn State University needs to be shut down since it is evident from the violent student reaction to the firing of coach Joe Paterno that the education part ain't working.
Ex-Penn State Coach Joe Paterno Already Has Another Offer
Former Penn State Coach Joe Paterno has stated that he has been asked to be the coach of the newly formed Occupy Wall Street Flag Football Team.
Michele Bachmann - The Woman Who Says She's In The Know
Michele Bachmann was asked what she thought about the California college students getting pepper sprayed. She pondered the question and said that she is against it if it concerns health care.
Herman Cain Says He Can Now Get Back To 9-9-9
Herman Cain told a campaign aide that he never realized that two college scandals could so quickly make the American people forget all about "PizzaGate."
Satan Wore Red Lipstick
Historical experts now believe that the devil is really a female due to the fact that there is no man in the world who would dress in red from head to toe.
Donald Trump Tosses Herman Cain Some Advice
Donald Trump says Herman Cain needs to stop wearing that silly looking black cowboy hat. He said he looks like he's getting ready to star in Brokeback Mountain - Riding Sidesaddle in Mississippi.
Ron Paul - The Man Known As "Mr. Math"
Ron Paul stated that there are three things that he likes about Michele Bachmann. One is her hair. Two is her lipstick. And three is her hair.
Michele Bachmann Is Not Exactly A Sporty Gal
Michele Bachmann was recently campaigning down in Alabama and she was asked what she thinks about, NASCAR. She smiled, paused a bit, and replied that she really did not want to talk about Egypt.
Jon Huntsman - The Man With The Solution?
Jon Huntsman was asked what he would do about the homeless cardboard carriers who dodge traffic on street corners every day. He said he'd gather them all up and bus them up to Canada.
Newt Gingrich Has Decided To Join The GOP Hair Club
Newt Gingrich told reporters that in an effort to try and stay competitive with Mitt Romney and Rick Perry in the hairdo department, he's decided to keep his brand new Captain Kangaroo look.
Michele Bachmann Is Up To Her Old "Womanly" Tricks Again
Rick Santorum has made fun of Michele Bachmann's silly looking gigantic, new eyelashes and remarked that she is only wearing them to try and lock up the female impersonator vote.
Herman Cain Forgot What Show He Was On
Herman Cain was asked by the GOP Debate moderator if Pakistan was a friend or a foe. Cain paused for a few moments and replied that he did not know but asked if he could call a friend real quick.
Ron Paul Talks About Torture and Michele Bachmann
During the GOP Debate Ron Paul stated that torture is illegal. During the commercial Herman Cain turned to Ron Paul and said that Michele Bachmann's scary-ass false eyelashes should also be illegal.
Ron Paul Does Tell It Like It Is
Ron Paul was asked what exactly about war is it that he dislikes so much. He smiled, shook his head, and remarked, "Oh well, I guess I would have to say that it's the fighting part."
Jon Huntsman Wants The U.S. To Be Like Switzerland
Jon Huntsman was asked what he would do about the Cyber Wars. He replied right away that we do not need any more Iran's or Afghanistan's and that the Cyberites will just have to defend themselves.
Herman Cain Has Some Advice For Michele Bachmann
Herman Cain said that if Michele Bachmann changed her Loretta Lynn hairdo, learned how to correctly put on makeup, and got rid of her Barbara Walter's lisp that she might not look half bad.
Sarah Palin Knows Exactly How To Make Michele Bachmann Feel Better (?)
Sarah Palin recently called up Michele Bachmann and told her not to let the fact that people keep saying that she has one hell of an ugly looking hairdo bother her in the least.
Yemen President's announcement to quit misunderstood
Yemeni president Saleh announced that he would quit after 33 years which led protesters to celebrate too quickly, assuming that he was stepping down. He meant instead that he'd quit smoking cigars.
Dick Cheney's Book Is Ready For Thanksgiving
Dick Cheney's recent book is already in the bargain book bin at Walmart right next to Chris Christie's book, Yeah, I Salt My Food With Bacon Bits So What?
Jet Blue Sets The Wing Question Right
Jet Blue says the story about the left wing falling off of one of their jets is false. They pointed out it was the right wing and that the pilot managed to land the plane with not much problem.
"Hiroki, Did I Not Say Turn Reft At The Righthouse?"
A World War II, two-man Japanese submarine has been found in Lake Erie. The CIA, FBI, and Secret Service all have lots and lots of questions.
The Occupy Wall Streeters Are Heading West
A bad snowstorm caused the Occupy Wall Street movement in International Falls, Minnesota to vote to leave there and relocate to Hollywood, California.
"Stick It Up Your Arse!" Heckler Calls
"Familiar territory then..." replies stand-up comic.
Fossil Teeth put humans in Europe much earlier than thought
Jawbones and teeth, which had been thought to be 42,000 years old, were tested again due to contamination occurring in the 1980s. Experts now estimate that the teeth are 42,000 years and six days old.
Look out MSNBC Liberals You're Next
Former Democratic HS Pelosi says CBS's "60 Minutes" the TV Magazine program catching her doing insider trading was a right wing smear. CBS executives and Rush Limbaugh are still laughing!
Tanker crashes closes M1
The M1 was closed for several hours yeasterday when a tanker full of Marmite crashed into a caravan. In a survey of stranded drives, some of them loved the delay and some of them hated it.
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