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Rating:

Fridge Owner Jailed

Manchester man Jack Smith has been jailed for 6 months after pleading guilty to leaving fridges in the back garden over night.

He was done for indesit exposure.

written by grimbo, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Queen opens her mouth, puts foot in

The Queen has responded to critics who have said that the Obamas did not show her enough deference on their recent state visit. She said, "He showed me he has a lot of deference. A 'vas deferens'!"

written by MonkeyInTheBath, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Barack Obama Thanks The Queen For A Wonderful Stay At Buckingham Palace

'I would invite Her Majesty to America,' revealed the President, 'but I don't think Americans would understand her accent.'

written by Swan Morrison, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Piers Morgan Struggling for Viewers!

Said to be hosting new show spin off, "So You Think You can Lap Dance?"
Vows NOT to fire judge Cheryl Cole for perceived speech impediment, says' she can sit on my XXXX anytime, eh?' Slimey BASTARD!

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Eric Holder Now Has Hard On for Texas!

Says he'll cancel all airline flights into the GOP State if they don't drop ban over TSA invasive body cavity searches, groping of genitals, and 'wet willies'
up butt cracks. Barney Frank relieved.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Ford drops Mercury Line!

Government says cars too dangerous, but lethal mercury in CFL's Ok!
UAW at GM sends Dems $4m more in Campaign Contributions to continue
efforts promoting 'Green' Jobs!

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Gobsmacked!

NYC Police and Interpol confirm sperm on maid's blouse really does belong to
DSK. Four women in France come forward in support saying "He'd never cheat on ME!"

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

US Energy Czar Warns Obama Oil Reserves Low!

"Well, that's why I hired the DIPSTICK, " said Barry in an aside to VP Joe Biden,
who was standing by with his finger up his arse in case Obama asked for a second opinion and another reading.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Englishman Refused Refund over Defective Blow Up Doll!

"Bastards, no one said you periodically had to change the fluids, I thought those squeaks were either the brakes going bad, or cries of ecstasy" said XXXX after paying for a Super Injunction.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

More Spoof Writers Head to Thailand for Sex Change!

"Gotta do something....I'd like to be in the top ten for at least a week before I drop out of sight ...again," said one under rated and frustrated writer.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Met's Owner Declares his Team is" S*****y!"

Well, finally something he can agree with Gail Farrelly and the rest of the fans on. Bernie Madoff said, "don't look to me for help, I did all I could for Fred!

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

NFL Players Going Broke Since Lock Out!

Said wide receiver Antwanne "Spidey" Dushanne Johnson, " shit, bro, things so bad I'd go back to college and even offer to play for nottin' dis time..a bed, some chow and all dat pussy do for me!"

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Argentina Renews Demands for Falklands!

EU , in spirit of Human Rights, says they'll arrange to repatriate the sheep, "Bloody Brits are on their own," says former Brit Barreness Ashton who has since taken up Belgium Citizenship.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

China to Build Naval Port in Pakistan!

Move signals deal almost done to buy 2 British Aircraft carriers under construction that can't afford planes or crew. Clegg says he'll throw in a squadron of Harriers if the deal can close in 30 days.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Sally Bercow Papped 'one sheet to the wind' after Party!

"It wasn't pretty, believe me; Lady Godiva she ain't!" said confused limey reporter Harold Worth in an uncharacteristically polite way. Still no takers for the Pix shopped by Voyeur Father DuBois.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Tom Hanks Comments on Obama's Behaviour in Front of Queen!

"Stupid is as Stupid Does."

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

DSK forced to eat in!

His demands for 'take out' were denied by Security Guards alert to his penchant to 'let it all hang out!" DSK swears, 'those days are now BEHIND me!"

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Princess Beartrice's Hat Already 'Knocked Off!"

Available now at Lowes and Home Depot in the plumbing department from Kohler and marketed under the "Royal Throne Toilet Seat fit for Yer Arse!"

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Jesse Jackson and Rev. Wright Rebuke Obama Over Israeli Statement!

"1967 my ass, ' said Jackson, "send 'em back to the 1939 Boundaries."
"Dat's right" said Wright speaking to his Chicago congregation, " don't need no more shylocks, we got Obama now. Praise Be!

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Obama Denies Aid to Tornado Racked 'Show Me State!"

Said Obama, 'guess I showed them Bastards....bet they won't forget to vote for me in 2012! Mayor vows to rename Joplin "Malia" if Barry Sends Relief.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Sir Alex's secret weapon to stuff FC Messi is Imogen Thomas!

A CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) reporter has divulged Sir Alex's secret weapon to beat FC Messi, Imogen Thomas is its name and she will "suck the life" out of Messi before the final, hopefully!

written by Jaggedone, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Alleged War Criminal Arrested

The arrest of the Serbian leader Myjinret Milvjyrtqp has come as a relief to those who he is said to have tortured. His trial is expected to finish before the end of the centur.

written by j.w., 26 May 2011
Rating:

Arab Spring

The use of Arab Spring beds is helping contestants in the High Jump to prepare for the Olympics.

written by j.w., 26 May 2011
Rating:

Local Man Attacks Gazebo After Viagra Overdose!

"couldn't 'elp meslelf," said the Manchester lad, "it was just lying there in a heap with it's legs all askew jist axing fer it!"

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

No Hat for Michelle During Queen's Audience!

"I'd rather have folks discuss my ass,' she said as her skirt blew up over her head in a rather waggish Kardashian moment!

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Obama on $1,000 Champagne:

"this shit's better than Ripple...although not as good a bouquet as Boone's Farm Apple Wine! What's with the bubbles, Bro?"

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Obama's Hump Day!

President orders Michelle out of 'the beast' after undercarriage hangs up due to
'over loading.' She calls it 'your big friggin' ego bottoming out again!" More as Oprah gets it.

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Irish Vow to Fight EU & Bank Bailout!

Barreness Ashton promises another Potato Famine to 'starve them into submission!"

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Obama's gaffe shocks Queen!

During break in meeting, proposes Toast...But forgot to bring the Cheese!

written by Morse, 26 May 2011
Rating:

This Sounds Familiar

Elliot Ness went to negotiate with the Mayor of Chicago IL to end crime in the city. The Mayor of Chicago brought his partner Al Capone to the meeting!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 26 May 2011
Rating:

World Event I

President Obama addressed the UK parliament about the vitally important question of "who will replace Oprah?"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 26 May 2011
Rating:

World Event II

President Obama and the first lady met with a Mr. Guinness to discuss critical issues, during their visit to Ireland!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Missing Rain

Iranian President Ahmadinejad accused Europe of stealing his country's rain. The EU vowed to pass water onto Iran whenever they can!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 26 May 2011
Rating:

Tax and Tax Again

Democratic liberals enact new sin taxes to pay for feel-good projects. Derived revenue is always less than anticipated, so they call for more taxes to keep their useless projects alive!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 26 May 2011
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