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Rating:

Now Finally, Mickey D's Knows What Kids Want In Their Happy Meals

McDonald's has just announced that in a move to make its Happy Meal prizes more practical. It will soon be placing Do-It-Yourself DNA Kits in each Happy Meal Box.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Oprah Winfrey and Glenn Beck Are Both Honored

Chicago dedicates a street in honor of Oprah Winfrey; Oprah Winfrey Way. Meanwhile the hometown of Glenn Beck, Everett, Washington names a street in his honor; Crybaby Road.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Well So Much For That All Over Warm Feeling

Delaware becomes the nation's first state to outlaw the newly developed crotch mini-heaters. They sighted a total of seven good reasons why.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 May 2011
Rating:

But The Number Was Kinda Close, Sorta

USA DAYBREAK reports that Will & Kate's honeymoon did not cost $1 million as had been reported. Word is that the total cost was actually only $975,405.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Many Wonder If Donald Trump Was Perhaps Feeling Under The Weather

The United States news media is shocked as Donald Trump manages to go for a full 24 hours without once criticizing President Obama.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Even Brett Favre Does Not Know What Brett Favre Wants To Do

Retired NFL quarterback Brett "Mr. Tears" Favre issued a press release that he may run for governor of Arizona. He then added, or maybe he'll move up to Canada and become a Mountie.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Wow! Talk About A Stick Figure!

Rush Limbaugh has said that the rumor that he was moving to Tripoli, Libya was started by Nancy Pelosi because he called her an anorexic Olive Oyl.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Amy Winehouse Admits That At Times She Has No Idea If She's Coming Or Going

Amy Winehouse wants it known that the rumors that she had been kidnapped are false. She then caught herself and said, that she was pretty sure that they were false.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Lady GaGa spotted with clothes on

Unconfirmed reports are filtering through that nudist Lady GaGa has been photographed fully clothed. More as we get it

written by Gary Potter, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Slovakian cannibal's victim stunk of garlic, it saved his life!

A Slovakian cannibal invited his Swiss victim to dinner, but his victim had just eaten Italien garlic bread and didn't feel hungry nor did the cannibal, they can't stomach victims with garlic breath!

written by Jaggedone, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Berlusconi Trial Halted - TEMPORARILY

The trial of Silvio Berlusconi was halted today as half the Jury had fled from Rome because an earthquake had been predicted there since 1915. The trial will resume tomorrow if there's no earthquake!

written by IN SEINE, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Arnold's comment when asked about his 'broken marriage'

"I'll be baaack!"

written by Lady Godiva, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Man shot at in surprise bacon tree

Sorry...ambush.

written by Skoob1999, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Haircut leads to red card

An Australian footballer sent off because of his spikey mohawk haircut is the result of referees being told to dismiss players who have unbecoming haircuts. Refs are now dreading the future.

written by j.w., 11 May 2011
Rating:

Spoof Hit by Super Injunction?

No one can say whether Spoof has been hit by a super injunction or not. If I wink it may be because I've got something in my eye.

written by j.w., 11 May 2011
Rating:

Lady Gaga Has Wardrobe Malfunction

During a concert at a mall in Montana, Lady Gaga's outfit ripped open, leaving her naked in front of dozens of people. She noted "I din't get one wolf whistle and half the crowd went home sick."

written by Pariah, 11 May 2011
Rating:

GMO Corn Has Surprising Effect On Nebraskans

After many years of growing and eating Monsanto's genetically modified corn, many Nebraskan males are finding their penis turned into a corn cob and their testicles becoming popcorn balls.

written by Pariah, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Is Kate Middleton Really Laura Branigan?

They look stunningly alike and Laura's death was not long before William and Kate started dating. Could the singer's death be a cover, allowing for a royal to marry a common musician?

written by Pariah, 11 May 2011
Rating:

CIA asks Bill Gertz to show bin Laden death photos to Congress

"This Washington Times reporter is privvy to everything my agency does," CIA Director Leon Panetta told Wikileaks. "He is the perfect tool, er foil, to show these photos to our elected officials..."

written by Robin Berger, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Pixar Against Drunks Masturbating In Public

Pixar, creaters of Toy Story has announced they're tired of drunks masterbating in public. To address this concern they are promoting their new slogan "Don't play with Woody when you have a Buzz."

written by Pariah, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Environmental Folly

Environmentalists ask Congress to ban the Mississippi River from flooding. Mark Twain said "The Mississippi River will always have its own way; no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise..."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Magazine Article

The US wants access to Osama bin Laden's three widows to determine whether Pakistan harbored the al-Qaida chief. Hugh Heffner said sorry, they already have a contract with Playboy Magazine!


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Plastic is Good

PETA is campaigning to retain free plastic bags in markets and stores, after a specialty shop began to sell animal and fish skin grocery/tote bags!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Irreconcilable Differences

Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver are separating. He is a Republican (sometimes, maybe, perhaps) and she is a Democrat!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 May 2011
Rating:

New Intelligence

Papers found in Osama's compound indicate that he sponsored Islamic terrorists, rabid environmentalists, the food police, animal rights activists, lawyers and left wing anti-Judeo/Christian groups!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 May 2011
Rating:

Obama's Reelection Strategy

Former Republican President GW Bush proposed an immigration reform bill, but Democrats said no! Now Democratic left wing President Obama sees millions of illegal immigrant votes in 2012!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 May 2011
Rating:

A Wet Dream

All US environmentalists will move into the flood plains of the Mississippi River, swapping their houses with former "Old Man" River residents. No public or private flood insurance to be available!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 May 2011
Rating:

ESL Candidates

Republicans are hoping to add President Obama and more Democratic liberal left Congressmen to the endangered species list (ESL) in November 2012!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 May 2011
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