Las Vegas Plans to Help Right Wrongs for Many Who Visit Each Year
Las Vegas, known for quickie weddings for the impulsive and inebriated, will be opening "drivethru divorce courts" where sobered-up folks with buyer's remorse can correct mistakes before departing.
Sewage Tanker Spills Nasty Cargo on Unsuspecting Drivers
A septic tanker truck enroute to a local disposal facility overturned on an overpass and ruptured, spewing liquid sewage over the railing and onto passing cars below, creating a slippery, smelly mess.
Donald Trump Determined to Win Presidency in 2012
Donald Trump plans to essentially buy his way into the White House by purchasing all the major networks to get free political ads and to spin public support in his favor by slanting the news his way.
Wonder Woman and Batgirl Charge Justice League With Discrimination
Wonder Woman and Batgirl join forces to file a sexual discrimination grievance against The Justice League. The heroines contest they are the only female superheroes in a predominantly male league.
Libyan No Fly Zone Expanded
It now includes ticks, fleas, gnats, roaches and bed bugs.
Prince William starts new fad - World running out of Rich Tea bickies as others copy him.
Prince William has started a new fad - Biscuit Wedding Cake. He has approached McVities to make him a Rich Tea bicky and chocolate cake so his wedding guests have a choice of cake and this is his fav.
Radio Active Scare
Distressed housewife Enid Bulge has had enough. Her husband has radios in every one of the 37 rooms in their mansion. He does not miss a minute of cricket commentary in one ear and music in the other.
written by j.w.
, 28 March 2011
TUC over Exaggerated Numbers on the Protest March in London
The TUC have claimed 1/2 million people protesting against job cuts were in London this weekend. Considering that there are only a million people who actually work, the numbers just don't add up!
TUC Claims Success in Uncutting At Least 100 Jobs
A weekend march in London has kept 100 council street cleaners in their jobs, due to be cut this week. They have also managed to keep the jobs for the magistrates who are going to punish 149 of them.
Irish Succeed in Creating a No-Fly Zone!
Irish scientists have surrounded a 10 acre field with approximately 5,000 reels of 'Vapona'. They have successfully created a No-Fly Zone.
Man United the UK's most hated company!
A survey has revealed that Man United are the UK's most hated company, the survey was completely unbias (?) it was held in Liverpool, Leeds, Newcastle and North London, Sir Alex just chewed on!
Sucking "nuts" is healthy, blow jobs not!
Scientists have proven that nut-suckers tend to steer free of cancer and live longer because of the high-levels of antioxidents in the nuts, "blow jobbers" have been warned don't suck, chew, ouch!
An elderly widower and an elderly widow have struck up a mutual arrangement. He mows her lawn and puts out her rubbish on a Monday and she makes him tea and gives him a neighbourly w*nk on a Thursday.
Forcing Research of Big Society
The Government is forcing academics to research into the Big Society to get funding. At the end of the exercise it is expected that the Government will understand what they have been talking about.
written by j.w.
, 28 March 2011
Woman With Constipation Overdoses on Laxatives, Loses Job
A woman suffering constipation overdosed on laxatives at work and filled the only toilet in her office to the brim with her blockage. Unable to flush or plunge it, she was fired for evasion of doody.
Man Seems to Have Worst Case of Bad Luck in History
A man stepped on a crack as a black cat crossed his path, then spit into the wind as a mirror fell off a ladder he walked under, shattering on his head, all the while forgetting to cross his fingers.
Donald Duck Faces Prison Time for Attempted Murder
Donald Duck faces jailtime for trying to kill rival Daffy Duck after discovering Daffy fathered children with Daisy Duck. It wasn't hard to tell once the eggs hatched that they were Daffy's ducklings.
Narcissists Finally Have Place to Worship Themselves
The first annual Narcissistic Egocentrists Convention is being held at the Simon Cowell Theatre in Liverpool, sporting mirrored rooms and a shop where visitors can buy themselves sexy, romantic gifts.
NASA to Send Big Rocket to Probe Uranus
NASA announced plans to launch a mission to explore Uranus, where it will slip a probe into its gaseous region, penetrating Uranus to see how deep it is. Scientists expect to find a deep, gassy hole.
Old News Verified
2010 census figures show the USA leads the world in the production of elitist control freaks, namely; politicians, bureaucrats, lawyers, environmentalists, vegans, food police & animal rights groups!
Kaddafi Must Go
President Obama asks the CIA to send Mitch Rapp to Libya!