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Rolling Stones' Illegitimate Children Plan Reunion

The 47 known illegitimate offspring of the Rolling Stones have agreed to a televised reunion. Of those sired from 1961 through 2006, 18 belong to Jagger, 17 to Richards, and 12 to others in group.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Wife Mistakes Boyfriend for Husband, Boyfriend Fatally Shot

A woman having a longtime affair fatally shot her lover after mistaking him for her husband. Thinking she was about to put her marriage to an end, the woman shot the man before realizing her error.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 16 March 2011
Rating:

ShamWow Guy Gets Green Light to Start Adult Home Shopping Network

Updating a story brought to you earlier, the "Sham Wow" guy got the okay from the FCC to begin an adult shopping network selling X-rated items. He says now he needs to hire models to hold the dildos.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Man in Western Africa Farts as Americans Prepare for Hurricane Season

In the stifling heat of western Africa, a local man ate his breakfast and farted, creating a miniature vortex that in a few months will make its way across the Atlantic Ocean as a ferocious hurricane.

written by C. Lance the Freelance, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Justin Bieber Naked Pictures

Erskin Quint told me this headline would work to get me lots
of points. Let's see if it works in Snippets before I spend time on a story.....

written by Lady Godiva, 16 March 2011
Rating:

It can be hard to get enough iron into your toddler's diet.....

Supermummy says: "Just pop along to your local machine shop where there will be plenty of iron dust on the floor, gather up a bagful, and slip it into his Calpol as necessary".

written by attilathehungry, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Lady Cuts Nose Off To Spite Face

In what can only be described as a brutal act of self-mutilation, housewife June Srewloose cut her nose off.
'That'll teach it to sneeze without asking,' she shrieked.

written by Mr Goster, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Lovely neighbours Fred & Rose West life-story to be filmed!

Serial killers and lovely neighbours Fred & Rose West are about to have their life-stories filmed, ITV have promised a sombre, austere version of the pair's life and dirty-doings, I prefer Dracula!

written by Jaggedone, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Fu Man Shoe

Korean Snooker player Marco Fu is opening a chain of Male only footwear shops. They will called 'Fu Man Shoe'.

written by Mr Goster, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Dog Bites The Hand That Feeds!

In a nasty little incident, Paul, a Schnauzer Puppy from Germany bit his owner Kevin whilst eating a biscuit.
'He's just hungry' said Kevin.

written by Mr Goster, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Top Tip:

Shoeshop staff: If you haven't got it in an eight, I couldn't give a monkey's that you have it in a seven or a nine.

Tell me again, and I'll shove 'em down your throat!

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Body experts now analyzing 'waves' of the hand.

Be careful how you 'wave' to people.Body language experts are out watching our EVERY move.One expert's already noticed a special 'bond' between William and Kate, from a mere 'wave' to the public. Duh!

written by Lady Godiva, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Donald Trump's Hair to fight Fukushima Nuclear Melt-down

Something that impervious to mockery can probably withstand absolutely anything.

written by Holy-Mary, 16 March 2011
Rating:

St Patrick - Patron Saint of Offensive National Stereotypes

Irish man wishes every branch of O'Neills would instantly combust.

written by Holy-Mary, 16 March 2011
Rating:

"Assaults on Staff Will Not Be Tolerated" signs to be banned by bus company.

"They just draw attention to the fact that our staff are complete pricks who probably deserve to be lamped" said a spokesman.

written by Holy-Mary, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Best in Show? Really?

Incredibly ordinary dog is voted Crufts Supreme Champion. It looks just like my auntie's stinky spaniel.

written by Holy-Mary, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Lord Coe says Olympics Countdown malfunction was deliberate.

'It's a stop-watch' he said.

written by pinxit, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Man delighted to find ten pound note.....

Pensioner Geoff Scroggins was ecstatic to find a scrunched-up tenner near his bus-stop. When he got home and put his reading glasses on he found it was really a used bus ticket. Poor old bugger.

written by attilathehungry, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Man has a "Wapping" 14 inch penis.....

Dock labourer Alf Biggun from East London does not expect to live long. "Frankly mate I'm totally and completely fucked, and so are all the ladies". "They just can't get enough of my kidney-tickler".

written by attilathehungry, 16 March 2011
Rating:

Cash ISA Sensation

A new ISA promises to keep people's savings above inflation. Investment in the Japanese nuclear industry is the basis of the scheme from Hiro Shim Building Society - based somewhere off Japan's coast.

written by j.w., 16 March 2011
Rating:

Midsomer Immigration Policy

Never ending murder in the small village of Midsomer have decimated the population resulting in calls for new immigrants to keep the murder rate up.

written by j.w., 16 March 2011
Rating:

Berlusconi Lucky

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, 102, finally managed to fuck a teenager, 17, at he 13th attempt. 'Now I know people are right' he boasted 'indeed I am a prick!'

written by j.w., 16 March 2011
Rating:

Echo discovered on Everest.....

Austrian Alpinist Otto Krampon celebrated scaling Mount Everest by tearing off his oxygen mask and shouting: "I am ze 721st person to climb Everest!" The echo came back: "Nobody gives a toss, mate".

written by attilathehungry, 16 March 2011
Rating:

US Help Reaches Japan!

Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael led by Splinter and co-ordinated by April O'Neil with Casey Jones secure safety of nuclear plant at Fukushima.

written by iscrivener, 16 March 2011
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