45.000 Sidewalk Vendors Go Out of Business!
Mayor Bloomberg blames Democrats:" No one's buying Weiners anymore!"
written by Morse
, 08 June 2011
24 Hour Takeaway.
A new 24 hour Chinese take away is to be opened in Sunderland.It will be called Wok Around The Clock.
Mass Walk Out At Helium Factory
Spokesman states "we refuse to be spoken to like that"
U.S. Wine Sales Soar
Sales of wine soar as U.S. mothers prepare for end of school year. A Florida mother stocking up on Cabernet was overheard saying,"How the hell am I suppose to get my nails done with these kids home?"
"You Vell Buy Dis Toy"
The Mattel Toy Company has announced that it will be coming out with a Glenn Beck Bobblehead Doll. The doll will be dressed in a Nazi uniform and will shed tears when you squeeze its swastika.
Sarah Palin Says That She Needs A Brand New Bus Song
Sarah Palin was asked how her Nationwide Bus Tour is going. She remarked that it is going good but was quick to add that she is tired of that damn friggin "99 Bottles of Beer on The Wall" song.
Toilet Seats Stolen From Police Headquarters
Detectives are hopeful they will solve the case but have nothing to go on.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's Book Will Set The Record Straight
Arnold Schwarzenegger will soon be publishing his book titled, "Hey I'm Just An Average Joe With Normal Needs, Urges, and Desires Plus Friggin Raging Male Hormones From Hell."
The Oscar Mayer People Do Not Want To Get A Bad Name
The Oscar Mayer Corporation has issued a statement that the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile will be parked until all of this Congressman Anthony Weiner mess blows over.
It's Kind of Like The Political Kiss of Death
When Sarah Palin was informed that GOP mouthpiece Ann Coulter had said that she wants her to be the GOP presidential nominee, Palin reportedly remarked, "Dammit! Shit! Well my ass is doomed now!"
I Wonder If Heather Locklear Will Vote For Him?
When Rick Santorum announced that he was running in the GOP presidential primary, thousands of voters asked "The guitar player with Bon Jovi?"
Harold Camping Has Hormonally Spoken Again
Harold Camping has just predicted that Glenn Beck and John Boehner will continue crying over absolutely nothing leading him to believe that they each may have a female ovary.
Sarah "Snowflake" Palin Has Narrowed Down Her Question Topics
Sarah Palin still embarrassed from her stupid Paul Revere comment has said that she will not answer any questions regarding American history, American sports, or American royalty.
Unemployed elephants go on rampage in India!
Mysore, India: Elephants have gone on the rampage because they've lost their jobs, logging. They are demanding full pension rights and the same status as the Holy Cow, what a load of "trunk-um"!
Zippy's funeral to be held this weekend
Zippy from TV show Rainbow died earlier today from suffocation after having his mouth zipped shut for too long. To honour his memory all attendees at his funeral are to wear their flies at half-mast.
Door to Door Sex Pest Warning
LADIES - if a man knocks on your door and asks you to take your shirt off don't - it's a scam. He just wants to see your tits!
Daring Raid On London Zoo.
In a daring raid on London Zoo,the Irish SAS have released all of the ostriches and shot four gorillas.
Ice cream meltdown feared in drought
Official figures revealing the extent of the ice cream meltdown have underestimated the catastrophe. The drought has almost exhausted supplies in four areas of Britain.
written by j.w.
, 08 June 2011
Psychic launches Mass Grave hunt
A Psychic from West Ham has led the Police to digging up the Chelsea football pitch as a mass grave was 'sensed' underneath it. 'Only escargots found so far' a Police source revealed today.
written by j.w.
, 08 June 2011
Ah Those Crazy North Korean Missile Launchers
Well the North Koreans are at it again. They tested a short range missile and this one reportedly went off target and hit a McDonald's in downtown Seoul completely wiping out the drive thru window.
The Nation's "First Kiddoes" Malia and Sasha Are Not Happy Campers
Malia and Sasha Obama are not happy about taking that trip to Africa. The girls told their mom that if they want to see zebras and flamingos they can go to the Tarzan and Jane Petting Zoo in Tarzana.
Sarah Palin Gains Yet Another Bit of Confidence
Herman Cain just said that he is throwing his hat into the GOP presidential primary. Sarah Palin smiled and replied, "Oh good, ya know, I'm pretty darn sure that I can kick his unknown ass."
Arnie Loves Anthony
Arnold Schwarzenegger is so happy that Congressman Anthony Weiner has taken the focus off of his wiener with his wiener that he sent him a check for $600 and six DVDs of his movies.