Small North London Football Club Can't Believe Their Luck!
Local paper headline says 'Rooney Signs Up For New Barnet'.
written by pinxit
, 06 June 2011
British Get Taken....for fools?
Police abandon investigation re. TV talent show as they suspect publicity stunt. No convincing reason offered yet about how the makers of a show with millions of viewers could gain from such a stunt!
Royal Wedding dress to go on display
Kate Middleton's wedding dress will be displayed at Buckingham Palace this November. The delay is due to some "particularly stubborn stains", said one exhausted royal washing-woman.
9.2 earthquake hits Bradford
Councillors comment on the huge improvement.
Paul Scholes' greatest goals now on DVD
Look out for "Paul's Goals".
Manchester United have extended Michael Owen's contract
They stapled a bit of paper at the bottom saying he's shit.
Scientist say that it's bringing weight to the masses.
For Those Who Baldly Go…
Foul-mouthed footballer, Wayne Rooney has had a hair transplant with Kevin Keegan in the hopes that he will be able to score more goals next season. It is expected to be a permanent fixture.
Time Travel for the unemployed.
Welsh Wizard proves that Welshmen are not just sheep-shaggers!
A Welsh Wizard called Bryan Briggs (name changed for legal reason and he doesn't kick balls) has saved the reputation of all Welshmen by not shagging sheep, he shagged his sister in law instead, Boyo!
Glass Topped Coffins - will they ever be popular?
Remains to be seen.
Adele cancels North America tour
She says she's been hurt by fat jokes about her and is going through a lot of pain.
Yeah, probably Pain au Chocolat.
XXX Version of Star Trek - The Next Generation
Currently being filmed in L.A. The slogan? "To boldly come where no man has gone before."
Sarah Palin: North Dakota, South Dakota?
Sarah Palin was asked if her National Bus Tour would be taking her to South Dakota. She thought for a second and replied, "Yes, if that's the Dakota that's on top.
Donald Trump Will Not Be Riding The Rides - Thank You
Disneyland has announced that it is banning Donald Trump from attending their amusement parks. A spokesperson said that they are afraid his silly-ass hairdo could traumatize some of the younger kids.
Meat Loaf Cries Way, Way Too Darn Much!
Rock and roll icon Meat Loaf wants to set the record straight. While he was visiting the Statue of Liberty recently he did not slip on his tears. He pointed out that he slipped on dog pee.
Anthony Weiner Has Two Left...Feet
Executives for Dancing With The Stars have stated that they want to kill the horrible rumors that Congressman Anthony Weiner will be appearing on next years show.
Sleepless In Mississippi
In an attempt to get some sleep, Mississippi woman Trudy Mitchell, corked her husband's ass to quiet things down. Unfortunately, she lost her left eye when the plan backfired.
New Gig For Brucie
Veteran entertainer Bruce Forsyth is setting out on a new career as a frontman for a popular internet search engine for cattle and sheep sales.
He's to be the new face of Comperethemarket.com
written by grimbo
, 06 June 2011
Judge questioned over dog biting
The dog is said to be doing well, in spite of having seven stitches in its paw. The Judge is now in quarantine.