And Now For The Good News
There isn't much bad news.
Poor, Poor, Jobless Mitt Romney
Mitt Romney speaking before a crowd of unemployed people in Florida laughingly told them that he also is unemployed. A female's voice from the back hollered out, "Are you on food stamps too bitch?"
A Classic Case of The Pot Calling The Kettle Black
Sarah Palin was asked what she thought about daughter Bristol's new book. Sarah replied "Well ya know, I kinda, sorta liked it, but golly gee it did have an awful lot of geographical mistakes."
Apples and Oranges and Other Fruits
Apple Inc. says that in an effort to capture more of the Latin American marked they will be changing their name in Central America and South America to Papaya Inc.
Could The Amish Soon Be Replacing Their Horse and Buggies?
Reports coming out of Pennsylvania are that some Amish families are actually modernizing as they are now starting to use Etch-A-Sketches to balance their checkbooks.
In the latest psychologists handbook, OCD is to be renamed CDO to make it alphabetical, which is how it should be.
written by IainB
, 25 June 2011
Top Gear to get makeover
In an effort to boost falling ratings Top Gear will now be called "Three smug overpaid middle aged twats showing off in cars that working class people like you could never hope to own"
Dr Who bollard stolen
Council worker Gerry McCann said, "I just popped around the corner for lunch. When I came back it was gone. I was only away for ten minutes"
Plane crash in Ireland
A twin seater training plane crashed into a graveyard outside Cork. Irish authorities say it's the worst crash in aviation history. So far more than two thousand bodies have been recovered
The NHS is to sell hip replacement operations on Ebay. A spokesman said, "We have to keep up with the times"
Alcohol is good for you
Research out today proves that organs preserved in alcohol last longer than those preserved in lentil soup
Aviva sell RAC to American equity firm
Talks broke down but the AA were called in and restarted them
Arnold Schwarzenegger to attend charity (famous composers) fancy dress dinner. When asked who he'll be dressing up as, Arnie said "I'll be Bach"
Christmas Day moved to April
Retailers say December is already the busiest time of the year for shoppers, April needs a boost
Budget airline shocker
To increase seating space on planes Ryan Air is to install outside toilets on all long haul flights.
BNP's latest outrage
Nick Griffin blames Photoshop for holocaust. When told that Photoshop was not invented until fifty years later Mr Griffin said "Yeh, that's what they want you to believe"
So Farewell, Peter Falk.
Uh... just one more thing.
Smurfs 'based on creator's condomed penis'
According to artist's recently discovered note books.
written by pinxit
, 25 June 2011
Chinese ambassador's dog phobia
"If you see his dog, kill it!!!" cried the Chinese Ambassador to UK, Guong Lee Chang, who claimed that PM David Cameron let his dog loose on the Chinese VIP as he walked in Hyde Park. Bad, bad, bad.
Gaddaffi relents to fast food lovers
Colonel Gaddaffi of Libya has decided to open a McDonald's restaurant in every town in the country to appease the rebels, who rose up in protest at the lack of fast food in the northern African nation
Burt Reynolds Is Ready To Play The "Bandit" Again
Burt Reynolds has just announced that he is thinking about filming a movie based on the Smokey and The Bandit films. He said that the film's working title is Smokey and The Bandit: The Face Lift Years.
Anderson Cooper Tried Not To Give Himself Away
Reports are that when Anderson Cooper was announcing that the state of New York has now made it legal for gays to marry he may have been smiling just a little bit way too much.
Paris Hilton The "Do Nothing" Socialite
Paris Hilton was all set to have her own reality cooking show and then she realized that she has no idea how to cook.
Madonna - The Gay Icon Is Really Going To Be A Busy Gay Icon
Madonna has just announced that now that gays can legally get married in New York she expects to be attending a hell of a lot of weddings.