The Amazing Political Ice Cube Factor
It's been so hot all across the nation that just about all of the GOP presidential candidates placed ice cubes in their underwear and got a bit of relief...well except for Ron Paul who wears boxers.
Cher Says Looks Can Be Deceiving
Cher says that she realizes she has gained weight because she now has some tattoos on her body that she has no earthly idea what the hell they are.
Dolly Parton Knows That It's All About Presentation
Dolly Parton who stands a very petite 5 foot even says that her breasts really aren't all that big and that if she was 5 feet 10 inches tall she would actually be flat-chested.
Drew "ET" Barrymore Talks About Her Many Tattoos
Actress Drew Barrymore admits to having lots of tattoos but quickly adds that they are all of very nice, sweet, pretty things like daisies, butterflies, roses, rainbows, and Justin Bieber.
Jack Nicholson - The Actor Formerly Known As The #1 Lakers Fan
A dejected L.A. Lakers fan Jack Nicholson says he's trying to sell his prized center front row seat at the Staples Center but adds that he can't find nobody to pay the asking price of $1.3 million.
What In The World Has Priscilla Presley Done To Her Looks???
If the once beautiful Priscilla Presley has any more facial work done she is going to look more like she's Joan Rivers daughter than even Joan's own daughter Melissa "Bow-Wow" Rivers.
Charlie Sheen's Brother Emilio Estevez Has a Plan
Actor Emilio Estevez says that he will be changing his last name to his brother's last name Sheen in order to capitalize on all of Charlie's damn free publicity.
And Now Simon & Garfunkel, But Please Don't Look Too Close
Paul Simon has always been self-conscious about only being 5 feet tall. He recalls touring with Art Garfunkel as Simon and Garfunkel and using a booster step during their concert performances.
Military admits foursquare played important role in finding Bin Laden.
The Navy said it became suspicious after the titles Mayor of Watching Self on TV and Mayor of Resting on 9/11 Laurels kept popping up in Abbottabad on the popular website Foursquare.
Blake and Pete in clear over Amy slaying
Pete Docherty and Blake Fielder Civil were today cleared of any involvment in the Amy Winhouse' OD fiasco. A prison spokesman said:
"were almost sure they were tucked up night nights at the time"
Cameron Disappoints Electorate
Opinion Polls a showing a growing number of people thin Ed Miliband is doing better than David Cameron. Just how bad can you get?
written by j.w.
, 24 July 2011
Jenson Button's parents have admitted that they named him Jenson after conceiving him on the back seat of a Jenson. This explains his middle name: Dogging
written by IainB
, 24 July 2011
Barack Obama in emergency talks to secure US debt deal
Obama said; "I've seen the film Greece, we don't want that to happen in America"
Given the poor quality of British situational comedies, the genre is to be renamed the shitcom with all credit going to Dr Jon for coining the phrase.
written by IainB
, 24 July 2011
Ego in ICU, on life support
A man's ego is on life support after being shattered by a Google Alert bearing the man's name. Alert set 3 years ago and forgotten. Excited man's ego damaged after realizing alert about someone else.
"News of the World" roars back to life!
Redtop fires up the printing press "one last time" for Amy Winehouse special edition. "We can't let her voicemail go to waste," said owner Rupert Murdoch...
CIA admit -
there are no Conspiracy Theorists.
Newcastle woman accused of biting boyfriend's testicles off
She denies any wrongdoing saying; "It's all just bollocks"
Paris "The Hot Ho" Hilton Finally Shows Some 'Hidden' Talent
Paris Hilton visited New York City and said that it was so damn hot that she was able to fry three slices of bacon on her crotch.
Conan O'Brien Does Not Realize What A Lucky SOB He Is
Bristol Palin reveals in her new book that the first time her mom SarPa, as she calls her, saw Conan O'Brien she almost shot his hairdo thinking that some kind of wild varmint was attacking his head.
"Trigger Face" Coulter and The Teleprompter Controversy
GOP mouthpiece Ann Coulter wants for President Obama to get rid of his two high-priced electronic teleprompters and replace them with two schoolroom chalk boards.
The FOX Network Is Taking On The Role of The Sly Old Fox
In a move to strengthen its credibility The FOX Network is merging with FedEx to form FOX-FED. Their new more honest slogan will be, Not Necessarily Fair, and About as Balanced as Lindsay Lohan.
Tracy "The Anti-Homo Bro" Morgan Is Proud of Himself
Tracy Morgan wants the nation to know that he has not made even one anti-gay joke in the past 72 hours.
NASA researchers release 50-year monkey study
Between 1948 and 1961, the US blasted 14 monkeys into space, and 72 percent of them died. A half-century of studies reveal monkeys not designed for space travel. *Story Developing* Pink Slips at 11.
Winehouse death causes North London crash
Crime falls in North London, employment up:
The Amy Winehouse tragedy has caused many drug dealers in Cambden to find work. Asiv said "with Amy dead, theres just no market anymore..."
Left wing Democrats are upset over Wall Street bailouts that caused deficits. Strange since these same Democrats pat themselves on the backs for saving Wall Street with their bailouts
Obama Needs More Revenue
President Obama wants a free air conditioner program for urban residents as part of the on-going debt ceiling/deficit negotiations. Republicans are very cool to the proposal!
Cry Me a River
Economically challenged President Obama cried on TV about a need for $400 billion more in new taxes, because of "fairness." "Fairness" is code for wealth redistribution to support new social programs!
Put it next to the Nobel Prize
Hollywood gave President Obama an honorary best actor Oscar for his dramatic performance on national TV, pleading for new taxes on the rich to support his runaway spending habits!
Heat Affects the Brain
Woman blames electric company air conditioner power saving device for her and her dog being hot. Perhaps it was due to the 100 + degree F outside temperature and her A/C being set at 65 degrees F!
A Good Sign
Congressional leaders conferred with Pres. Obama for one hour about raising the debt limit. Reporters noticed some attendees, except House Speaker Boehner & the president, wearing drapes on exiting!
Buried in Obama's Wall Street Reform Bill
A federal Judge struck down the new SEC rule that would allow a 3% block of shareholders to nominate corporate board members, e.g. union members, anti-war activists, environmentalists!