Premiership Whistle-Blower Found Dead
Referee Sid Hitler 'swallowed the pea' says Coroner.
written by pinxit
, 18 July 2011
Four leading inventive Scientists have resigned thier posts after admitting; "Velcro, was a total rip off"
Lady G's mother forced to buy wellies
Lady G's mother has bought her first pair of wellies since she was a teenager working on a farm in the Land Army. She is bracing for heavy rainfall and wants to continue her daily trips to Morrisons.
Tevez in tears
Tevez is putting on a brave face these days.Close friends say he sobs in private as he does not REALLY wish to leave Manchester City FC. He has an undisclosed personal reason for wishing to stay.
DNA tests being carried out
DNA tests are being carried out on Rebekah Brooks and comedian, Carrot Top, in an effort to ascertain whether or not the are actually related. Mother/Son ? Bets being taken at your local bookies.
Churchill named as a victim
It is believed that deceased former PM Sir Winston Churchill had his telephone hacked into during the dark days of World War II. NOTW editors wanted to find out if he was a Nazi spy or not. Shame!!
Duchess a victim of NOTW
"Goddamn, my voice mail's been violated" cried The Duchess of Wessex as she perused her mobile phone. "F...ing News of the f...ing World bastards" she added. The Duchess will sue Rupert Murdoch for $$
Beckham is a "Twit-ter-er" and proves it by "twittering" the new baby!
The Beckhams have had a new baby just like millions of others, the only difference is, when Becks twitters his baby girl, Harper, he proves he's a real TWIT while normal people are just "Twitter-ers"
Alcohol best cure for dementia
Not for the patients, for the carers. A new study shows that drinking two bottles of vodka puts patients and carers on a level playing field.
Maybe They Should Take Up The Glockenspiel
The 1st Annual Topless Female Accordion Contest which was to have taken place on July 20 in Pittsburgh has been cancelled due to the fact that 7 of the 8 girls have received some very ugly injuries.
You Want 10W30 With That?
Giant oil spill hits New Jersey. No one really notices.
The Florida Pastor Says That He Now Has Nightmares About Matches
The Florida pastor who burned the Koran has offered to buy 1,000 Korans if the 9,000 threats to turn him into a charcoal briquette are dropped.
Old Champy Is One Hell of A Lucky Dog
Champy, the oldest retired drug sniffing dog in America has just turned 19. Old Champy boy just lays around licking his you-know-whats, listening to Jefferson Airplane music, and eating pizzas.
Hey Grampa Eyes Up Here
A nudist beach in the Florida panhandle that catered to citizens 70 and over has been shut down due to the fact the lifeguards said that there was just way too much damn pointing and laughing.
Sis Boom Bah, Hey What's That Smell?
California has just outlawed the practice of the stadium fan waves at all college football games. They did add that marijuana smoking however is still okay but just as long as it is done quietly.
Their Original Name Was Much Too Vulgar-Sounding
The all-girl band The Condom Cuties had to change their name due to the fact that their parents complained that the name was too vulgar. The band is now known as The Prophylactic Bitches.
Wow! Now That's One Powerful Liposuction Machine
A woman in L.A. who went in for a normal stomach liposuction and accidentally had her two ovaries, her two tonsils, and a bicuspid sucked out as well is understandably suing the doctor for malpractice
Arizona The Land of Certain Kinds of Music
The state of Arizona has just passed a law banning the singing of Christmas carols. Meanwhile vulgar-as-hell rap songs can still be played but just not between the hours of 3 a.m. and 4 a.m.
The Trio of Boston Nuns Were Positively Giddy As Hell
Police and the Catholic Church are investigating three Boston nuns who were patted down at LAX Airport in Los Angeles and then suddenly resigned from the nunnery on the spot.
Spoofer Asks For Fence on You Tube
Due to current trends of Marines asking celebrities out and them accepting, Spoof writer Ellie James appeals to actor Tom Cavanagh for a new fence.
Victims furious at Rebekah Brooks' £3.5 million payout
News Int. said "This is an absolute lie, it was only £3.4 Million".
Rupert Murdoch "Sorry"
He aligned his greasy chip papers with the Tories.