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Rating:

The Whores' Whisperer

New reality show. First episode of "Whores' Whisperer" to air Feb.14th. Whisperer is named as Dr. Phil McGraw. He has been doing this for 30 years. What he whispers in whores' ears to be revealed.

written by Lady Godiva, 04 January 2011
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Joan Rivers opts for another facelift

Joan Rivers has had yet another face lift. Her toe-nails had to be removed. She couldn't close her eye-lids!

written by Lady Godiva, 04 January 2011
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Problem solved re dead blackbirds in Arkasas

Dead blackbirds in Arkasas found to be wired with explosive devices, supposed to detonate on impact with the ground. Faulty batteries blamed. Blackbirds were drugged by terrorists and sent on mission.

written by Lady Godiva, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Favre countersues masseuses

Minneapolis Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has countersued the two female masseuses who sued him for sexual harassment. "They had their hands all over me," said Favre.

written by Douglas Salguod, 04 January 2011
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New Golf Courses Planned for Many Cities.

Many cities are getting new golf courses as counsellors come up with ideas of how to manage the backlog of rubbish. Move it to the edge of town, cover with topsoil, seed it and wait for grass to grow.

written by Lady Godiva, 04 January 2011
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Sudan President Supports South

Sudan president: I'll support south if it secedes. Arizona Governor, "Same here!"

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Canadian Geese accidentally kill thousands of blackbirds

Blackbirds fell from the sky in Arkasas a few days ago as they crashed head-long into Canadian Geese flying home early from winter vacations.Flying at night rendered the blackbirds invisible and dead.

written by Lady Godiva, 04 January 2011
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Limbaugh Has Accident

Rush Limbaugh, who does his daily radio talk show with "Half my brain tied behind my back", cuts huge fart & blows off half of his brain.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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It's Out of Control

Latest mystery: Three different people from East Tennessee say their pet goldfish have died.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Time Magazine Releases List of Ten Biggest Douchbags of 2010.

Time Magazine Releases List of Ten Biggest Douchbags of 2010, and Ben Rothlisberger is 3 of them.

written by anthonyrosania, 04 January 2011
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Lot of Fireworks Going On!

Scientists say fireworks caused huge bird kill in Arkansas...Dead fish cover 20-miles of Arkansas River..Scientists say fireworks caused huge fish kill.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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The Reason That The Sesame Street Producers Are Pissed Off At Katy Perry!

The producers of Sesame Street are suing Katy Perry for saying that Elmo has gay tendencies.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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Mel "From Hell" Gibson Will Be Resuming His Motion Picture Career

Mel Gibson has announced that he will soon begin filming his next feature length movie entitled, Mad Maxy - The Potty Mouth Years.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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Questions About Kelly Osbourne's G-Spot Are Answered

Kelly Osbourne has stated that the recent rumor that she had gotten her G-spot pierced are false. She did disclose that yes it is definitely tattooed but not pierced.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Oprah "Lovin' It" Winfrey Is Getting Her Wish

McDonald's has announced that it is opening up a restaurant inside of Oprah Winfrey's Chicago Mansion

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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Nothing New About 'New' Diet

New Evolution Diet: Eat Like a Caveman or, as I call it: The Super Bowl Sunday Meat Maulers Diet!

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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The TSA Agents Union Is Looking Out For The Health And Well Being Of Its Members

Sexually promiscuous celebs Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears have all been placed on a National "Non Pat Down List" for the obvious reasons.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Mystery of dead fish and birds in Arkansas solved

Al-Qaeda claims it trained suicide blackbird and drum fish to kill an estimated 3,000 birds and 100,000 fish. "They will have many virgins waiting for them," said Al Phouy,the terrorist low life.

written by JAB, 04 January 2011
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The African Country of Loombeezi Is Making A Big Tax Collecting Change

The African country of Loombeezi has informed its citizens it will no longer allow them to pay their taxes with elephant tusks. They stated it's just to hard to fit the tusks into a cash register.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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It Appears That The "Pat Downers" In Knoxville May Have Gotten A Little Bit Too Enthused

A woman from Sweet Lips, Tennessee with 16 kids ranging in age from 4 months to 17 years says that she had been rendered sterile after having her biscuit patted down at the airport in Knoxville.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Peru Is Looking For Their Missing Submarine

Peru has just disclosed that they are missing one of their naval submarines. Neighboring Bolivia states, "Don't look at us, we have no oceans, seas, or beaches."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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The Old Rich Houston Widow and The TSA Pat Down Inspector Agent

A rich Houston widow, 84, reportedly offered a TSA inspector agent $200 for a second, slower 'pat down.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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Dutch West Wakaboonka Has Banned Gays

The King of Dutch West Wakaboonka has issued a directive that all gays must leave the country by Valentine's Day. When asked who will design the inside of their huts, he replied, "Effeminate men."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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Another Virgin Seeker

This morning, a suicide bomber accidentally discovered oil in Iraq!

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Black man denies being White!

A black man denied being white today. When questioned, he said, "Look at me! I'm black! I was born in the Sudan! my parents are black! How can I be white?! What about your teeth? "Fuck Off!"

written by armfeetandtoe, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Wikileaks: Obama Was Advised To Trap Miners and Rescue Them

Chilean style stunt was aimed at boosting sagging ratings. "Now entire administration looks like trapped 'Minors'," says critic.

written by Hawking's Chair, 04 January 2011
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Apple To Launch IClock

Can wake entire neighbourhood, company claims.

written by Hawking's Chair, 04 January 2011
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Bleary Eyed Iphone Customers Throw Oranges At Apple

Lose sleep over fear of sleeping in after hearing news about alarm malfunction.

written by Hawking's Chair, 04 January 2011
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IPhone's alarm glitch causes people to oversleep

And that's real news, people! Not spoof.

written by Hawking's Chair, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Traumatized Wikileaked Diplomats Form Support Group

Go by the name Ambassadors Anonymous. Acronym (AA) confuses some other leakers; Anonymous not happy either.

written by Hawking's Chair, 04 January 2011
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So farewell Pete Postlethwaite:

Saw you on stage with the RSC. Brilliant.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 04 January 2011
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The TSA "Pat Downs" May Just Be Getting Out Of "Hand"

The TSA, the leader in the 'Pat Down' industry has denied recent rumors which have surfaced stating that it will soon be setting up 'Sperm Donor Mini Banks' next to their 'Pat Down' area.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Reynolds, Rogers, & Rivers To Appear In An Interesting Movie

Burt Reynolds, Kenny Rogers, and Joan Rivers have been approached about starring in the Candlelight Motion Picture Co. film Botox - The Frightening As Hell Movie.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
Rating:

There Is No Love Lost Between Sarah Palin And Kate Gosselin

Sarah Palin was asked tongue-in-cheek if she'd seen Russia lately. "Snowflake" became huffy and replied, "Stop effen with me dude, ya know I ain't that flaky blonde bitch Kate Gosselin gosh darnit!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Oksana Grigorieva's "Unusual" Valentine's Day Wish For Mel "From Hell" Gibson

Oksana Grigorieva was asked what she'd like for ex-boyfriend Mel Gibson to get for Valentine's Day. She thought for a moment and replied that she hopes he gets his pecker bit by a crazed kangaroo.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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North Korea's Kim Jong Il On Dancing With The Stars?

North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il has reportedly turned down an offer to appear on next year's Dancing With The Stars by saying that all that dancing around would mess up his hairdo.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 January 2011
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Food Safety Bill Passed

Obama to sign bill to improve nation's food safety after having 'the runs' for three days in Hawaii.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Navy Commander Screwed

Navy carrier commander screwed over lewd video. Sorry, that should be 'scrutinized'.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Partial Eclipse

Partial solar eclipse visible over Mideast, Europe. Al Qaida takes responsibility.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Obama Faces GOP

Vacation over, Obama set to face emboldened as GOP Tea Party faces Beer Conferences.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Cause of Blackbird Death Discovered

Study shows that the ten thousand blackbirds that fell from the sky in Arkansas were apparently baked in a big pie.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Spectacular Caves Discovered In Vietnam

Explorers discover spectacular caves in Vietnam. Also find 1960's tunnel dug from Beijing to Saigon.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Obama Asks GOP For Help

President Obama urges Republicans to help him destroy the economy. "Bush only went half the way."

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Nothing To Worry About

Israel's army chief told a US Congress delegation in late 2009 he was preparing for a large war in the Middle East but promises to only blow up half the world's oil supply as last resort.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Also, Skoob Feeling Better

Europe begins confiscating private pension funds... China bailing out Spain's debt... So apparently everything is going to be alright.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Creating Weather Patterns

SHOCK CLAIM: Technology created 50 rainstorms in Abu Dhabi's desert region last year. So maybe none of this has to do with global warming but weather manipulations.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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US Debt Tops 14 Trillion

United States national debt now at 14 trillion after Obama's latest trip to Hawaii.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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GOP Making Moves

House Republicans move to repeal Obama healthcare, President Obama.

written by Bureau, 04 January 2011
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Unemployed Schwarzenegger does a Stallone!

Arnie is now unemployed and has vowed to trump his old mate Stallone and make the film come-back of the century, he's to play Conan the Barbarian IV, muscle-packed with steroids!

written by Jaggedone, 04 January 2011
Rating:

2 massive earthquakes strike the UK!

As the UK awoke after its extended festive break they were hit by two earthquakes, 1 in Yorkshire and the other hit everywhere, a VAT, price rise quake which seismologist David Cameron forgot!

written by Jaggedone, 04 January 2011
Rating:

Minor Earthquake in Yorkshire UK

The Rt Hon Iain Duncan Smith Sec of State for Work and Pensions, was asked for his comments. He told us as it happened at 2100hrs, those on benefits cannot use it as an excuse not to sign on.

written by Inchcock, 04 January 2011
Rating:

War Gene Discovered

Scientists at the university of Notre Dame have discovered what they call a war gene. People with the gene need to follow orders and murder people. Many join the armed forces or become religious nuts.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 January 2011
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Massage therapists sue Brett Favre over text messages

"I don't know what the big fuss is, I just texted to them what fans are always saying to me, 'You suck'!" said Favre.

written by JAB, 04 January 2011
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Dick Clark doing OK in hospital

Clark went to the hospital Monday, "feeling a little lopsided." Jenny McCarthy got him so excited the ball drop in Times Square wasn't the only thing that dropped, according to a bed pan washer.

written by JAB, 04 January 2011
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