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Rating:

Baldy talks

Suspect pleads not guilty in deadly Ariz. shooting. "It was the aliens."

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Chickens Genetically Modified to Keep Away Bird Flu

Scientists have genetically modified chickens so that they will not pass on Bird Flew. It's not known how long it would take for the virus to modify itself to become dangerous again.

written by IN SEINE, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Barrack Obama has a nail attack

Barrack Obama stepped on two nails today at the White House and was taken to the Washington Hospital Center immediately.

written by lukesams6, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Supremes Busy

The Supreme Court on Monday turned down an appeal from a former Tennessee poultry farmer who sued Tyson Farms after losing his contract to raise their chickens. Next up: Chicken/Road ruling!

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Obama Making Most of Everyone Useful

Injured Representative Giffords intern to attend State of the Union Sideshow!

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Global Warming Apparently Causing Super Freeze

It's cold out there, even for hardy New Englanders or in some cases, hard New Englanders.

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

US Still Tops! "USA! USA!"

The US has challenged the nation of Dubai on who has the world's largest debt?

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Oh No! Not Another One!

Oprah Winfrey finds sister she didn't know she had. "She's been upstairs in my attic all these years!"

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Dyslexic Poets

Dyslexic poets protested today in front of the Buckingham Palace about government cuts in support services.
"We are not going to Kate it any Rome" said spokesman, "its a cuffing joke"

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Oompah Loompahs are revolting

Willy Wonka's chocolate factory has closed due to industrial action by Oompah Loompahs. "No more short shifts", said Union leader Shortie Pantz

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Zsa Zsa Gabors leg

Instead of Ricky Gervais hosting the Oscars, the American Screen Writers Guild have hired Zsa Zsa Gabors leg to mc the awards ceremony.

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Euro Tumbles

Ferdinand Euro, 63 from Sardinia fell down a flight of stairs today. Newswires misinterpreted the story and led to wild currency swings

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Wonderbra sponsorship

Wonderbra were revealed today as the new 2011 sponsors of Premier league referees and assistants. Andy Gray was not available for comment on or off microphone

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

But He Has Plenty of Cushion

President Obama's former chief of staff did not meet Chicago's one-year residency requirement. Limbaugh laughs so hard his falls off chair in studio.

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Google launches competitor to Facebook

Well known for turning the industry on its head, Google revealed plans to launch a competitor to Facebook called ArseBook

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Celebrity Tweet: David Beckham (5)

Help....chili sauce or garlic sauce...chili or garlic...garlic or chili...chili or garlic..omg....such choice....chili or garlic....

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Oscar for Kings Speech

Asked to comment on receiving the best actor award for "the Kings Speech" Colin Firth was speechless

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Easyjet to reduce luggage allowance

In the wake of the 7kg TNT Moscow airport bombing, Easyjet has decided to reduce its allowed luggage to 6Kg or less

written by Mikethelad, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Russia hang up "Iron Curtain" again after Moscow airport bombing!

Russia is sick to death of being attacked by terrorists from their ex-satellite states, they've decided to hang up their "Iron Curtain" once more!

written by Jaggedone, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Oprah Winfrey Finds Child?

Oprah Winfrey finds child she didn't know she had! I'm sorry, that should be "sister"!

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

The Kings Speech

Great film even for republicans. A human story with Colin Firth getting an Oscar for his portrayal of King George VI's stammering ordeal. Supported by the Film Council - abolished by philistines.

written by j.w., 24 January 2011
Rating:

Rat or no rats, Cameron needs some "pussy"!

Rats have returned to 10 Downing St. After Blair and Brown Britain thought they'd seen the last of the rats, now it seems that Cameron will need some major "pussy" too.

written by Jaggedone, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Sir Alex Ferguson injured in accident

Sir Alex was hit by a speedboat whilst out for a walk today

written by ExiledRoyal, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Nick, Jr. Introduces Italian-American Adventure Cartoon.

Nick, Jr. has announced that they will begin airing an Italian-American Adventure cartoon. "Go, Dago, Go" will premiere in February.

written by anthonyrosania, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Jenny Craig's Newest Spokesperson is Star Wars star...

Jenny Craig's Newest Spokesperson is Star Wars star Jabba The Hut...What? That's Carrie Fisher? Holy sh-t!!!

written by anthonyrosania, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Breaking News: Oprah's Secret Guest Will Be...

Breaking News: Oprah's secret reunion guest will be the CEO of NutriSystem, who may be her last hope.

written by anthonyrosania, 24 January 2011
Rating:

On Live this morning, Kelly Ripa and an Easter Island head are talking to the ghost of Anthony Hopkins.

On Live this morning, Kelly Ripa and an Easter Island head are talking to the ghost of Anthony Hopkins.

written by anthonyrosania, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Somali terrorists strike again

A pizza delivery person has been abducted by Somali terrorists in Inverness, Scotland. The kidnappers have asked for a ransom of 164 freshly made pizzas and 92 garlic breads to release the young man.

written by whatinthe world, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Dubai Aims for the Skies

Dubai keeps aiming for skies with "highest" restaurant. Next, World's Tallest Zoo!

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Obama Midpoint

At Obama's midpoint, an altered State of the Union..also, state of confusion.

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

J C Penny Closing Some Stores

J.C. Penney closing some stores. Right on time for President Obama's economy speech.

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Super Cold in Northeast

Bitter cold hits Northeast, closing some schools as many public service people go out and place "Do Not Lick" signs on parking meters.

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Jack LaLanne dies at only 96

Jack LaLanne dies at 96; brought fitness to masses yet never even made it to 100. Some people!

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

American Wish List

An American wish list on eve of Obama's speech. Number one: That he would finish his 2 years and be gone.

written by Bureau, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Cat has 21 lives

A record breaking cat, Earnest, has survived 21 gun shot wounds inflicted by cruel yobs. A furrious Mrs Felicity Fortesque, Earnest's owner, is putting him forward for the Guinness book of Records.

written by j.w., 24 January 2011
Rating:

Frying Dutchman

Vincent Tabak, an evil looking Dutchman has been charged with the murder of Jo Yeates, whose parents own a £600,000 house. "It's definitely him & not the other weirdo", said someone on the internet.

written by Ron Smith, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Christian Conservatives blame Bears loss on Obama, claim "God's Punishment"

Leading Republicans say that the Bears lost because liberal fans voted for Obama. "God hates Obama, Obama's from Chicago, therefore, God hates Chicago", they said in a statement.

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 24 January 2011
Rating:

Fitness guru Jack LaLanne, Dead at a healthy 96

Proving that no matter how well you eat or how much you exercise, you're still gonna die.

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 24 January 2011
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