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Gervais Scandal

RICKY GERVAIS VISA REVOKED

Outrageous comeadian Ricky Gervais had his visa revoked today.President Obama has denied he gave the order but added that Gervais was "Nothing but a big fat wanker"

written by Masheded, 20 January 2011
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Strike A Light

Residents of the state of Queensland in Australia have been encouraged to light bush fires to dry the state out by state president Anna Bligh.

written by iscrivener, 20 January 2011
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Venus copies her sister and flashes it!

The Williams sisters love flashing their bums down-under, last year it was Serena, this year Venus, who gives a bum, we men (hetero) love it!

written by Jaggedone, 20 January 2011
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New Tunisian Gov. Upbeat or Beatup?

New Tunisian government upbeat after first meeting which drew only 5 or 6 thousand protesters.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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BBC Bent Admission

BBC TV Sport have admitted that they had to dub the Darren Bent post transfer interiew after Bent could only say to reporters "me me me me me me me me me me me me...!" at Villa Park.

written by iscrivener, 20 January 2011
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London 2012 Olympics is a lie!

The head of world Atheltics has called the London Olympics a lie because Seb Coe never divulged the truth, which is a lie, he's right!

written by Jaggedone, 20 January 2011
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Pirates Had Limited Food Supply

According to recent discoveries, pirates used to eat a lot of dried fruit on the seas plus drank a lot of rum. That's why so many of them wound up as fruitcakes.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Baroness Warsi is a Muslim or is she not?

It seems the first Muslim cabinet minister, Baroness Warsi, has some problems being one in the UK. Someone please tell her that the UK is still a Christian state and Muslims love bombing Christians!

written by Jaggedone, 20 January 2011
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Vick Still Having Problems

Even though he brought the Philadelphia Eagles into the NFL play-offs this year, controversy continues to dog the footsteps of Quarterback Michael Vick.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Man Eats Out for First Time in 15 Years, Gets Upset that Fries Are Not French Anymore

A man, eating out for the first time in 15 years at a Wendy's, demanded French fries, which are fries that fall down and surrender when they you stood up in their holders, not to stay standing.

written by mikewadestr, 20 January 2011
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Jobs Still #1 Priorty With Voters

Home building stuck near 50 year lows. Realtors ask Clinton to tell Obama, "It's the economy, stupid".

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Expecting PETA Spray Paint

Tucson restaurant to offer African lion tacos...polar bear tongue.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Tough On Crime!

FBI Rounding Up 100 Mobsters in Biggest Mafia Bust in New York History. "And let this be a warning to the other 100,000!", stated Mayor Bloomberg.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Jo - Man arrested

A 32 year old man, previously disguised as a 65 year old former teacher, has been arrested in the inquiry into the death of Jo Yeates, the victim of a strangler found dead in Bristol of Christmas Day.

written by j.w., 20 January 2011
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Spider Man?

German man admits mailing hundreds of tarantulas illegally into the United States.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Been Building Up

Friendly foes? Respect rules Bears-Packers rivalry. Same division teams having played in championship series since 1940's.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Laser Incidents Soar

FAA: Laser incidents soar, threaten planes. Want "attempted murder" charges brought against villains,

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Sales of Body Parts Future of Colorado?

Bill would make Coloradans organ donors by default. If passed, many plan to pickle their parts in alcohol before croaking.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Chinese Prez Celebrate by Slight Smile

A jazzy all-American state dinner for Chinese prez. Even laughs after told to add "in bed" to ending of fortune cookies.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Maybe Good in the 1960's, But...

Analysis: JFK's words in today's troubled times haven't the least effect! many students still never heard of him.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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HIV Exposure Case May Lead to Prison

HIV exposure case lands airman in prison. Cellmate immediately objects.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Sentenced in Torture Case

Ex-Chicago cop faces 30-plus years in torture case. "Although we doubt he'll still be around after a week of torture", says fellow officer.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Blindfolded Dolphin Study Completed

Study explores how blindfolded dolphins can 'see'. Apparently taught the trick by David Copperfield ten years ago & passed around.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Two New Species?

Giant crayfish found in Tennessee is new species. That's two in two days after old hairy something-or-other comes down from mountains reeking of corn liquor. Studies still continuing on that one.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Korean Defense Talks to Begin

SKorea accepts NKorean proposal for defense talks. NKorea offers to share nuclear weapons as soon as they can fire them over.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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More Protests

Tunisian army fires warning shots over heads during protest. No one hurt but one tall person gets new hairstyle.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Nothing in 3D No Better than Nothing Showing Now

3-D means headaches to many, yet companies push on. However, will there be lawsuits?

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Giant Crayfish #2

Giant crayfish found in Tennessee is new species, now believed to have ben imported from Chernobyl.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Losing Conservative Dems

Senate map, Obama's worth, shrinks for Democrats in 2012 Presidential election.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Tunis Still Protesting

Police fire shots to disperse new Tunis protest. "Now they are protesting against last week's protest against the one two weeks ago", state police chief.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Ala. Guv Apologizes

Ala. governor apologizes for remarks on Christians..."even though it's true."

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Giant Crayfish

Giant crayfish found in Tennessee is new species. Also, never used yet in a horror movie.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Heavy Drinking a Killer

Heavy drinking may raise abnormal heart rhythm risk, especially if she starts removing clothing. Estimate that over 100 men died last year alone.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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No Color in NYC

New Yorker searches for owner of remarkable blizzard black & white photos, even though they used color.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Both Are Nazis?

GOP's health care repeal: Now for the hard part. "We get to call Dems Nazis in return after their attack on GOP yesterday."

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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$45Billion in Orders

Obama: $45B deals show China's rise can help US, just as long as they get a trillion dollars of orders and stolen US copyrighted products in return.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Chinese President "No Write Zero"

He was responding to "Who wrote 'O,A Presidential Novel'?"

written by Hawking's Chair, 20 January 2011
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House proposes water vitamization

On the heels of the health law repeal, Republicans have proposed instead to put vitamins in the public water supply to increase nutrient intake, and reduce the necessity of seeing a doctor.

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 20 January 2011
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Cameron to do whistle tour of the UK!

Our reporter asked him if he would be visiting places like Nottingham, Durham, and Sunderland.

We left with the question unanswered, and David and aides consulting a book of place names and a map!

written by Inchcock, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Royal College Developing Drugs to make People more intelligent

Prof Irk said: The costs will be astronomical, but MPs & Bankers would likely be our clients.
Commented Mr Pro Latariet, "Christ, we'll never catch then expense fiddling then!

written by Inchcock, 20 January 2011
Rating:

White House Installment Payment Made

Obama fails to gloss over tensions with Beijing as Chinese president reveals 'disagreements' over trade and human rights. However, Hu leaves a bundle of cash on the table with a wink.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Of Course!

Teenage pupil sent home by head teacher who 'believed he was a 54-year-old man'. 'Of course, I had had a few drinks for breakfast.'

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Hardly Out of Nappies

Technology tots: The children who can use a mouse but can't tie shoelaces, chew gum and walk at the same time.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Cutting Down on the Poor

Charities pay price of greed at Goldman Sachs: Bank gives staff £9.6bn... but slashes donations to good causes by third. Expecting ghosts carrying chains during the night.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Dolly Buying Bras in Nashville

Oddly enough, Dolly Parton told a friend at the airport yesterday after her experience with the young TSA agent, that she got her bras at T.J. Racks and not some fancy undies place.

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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Bureau Forced To Stop Writing Snippets!

TheSpoof.com snippet king, Bureau, has been forced to give up writing the damned things due to 'a bad back'. He told another writer on the site:

"Nobody reads the fucking things anyway!"

written by Monkey Woods, 20 January 2011
Rating:

An Oldie

Pi r squared. No they're not, they're round!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
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Holy Succotash Batman

USMC Staff Sgt. R. Lee Ermey (RET) is being sued by the ACLU for violating the civil rights of poor defenseless watermelons by shooting/attacking them on his cable TV show Mail Call!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Not from Starbucks

Nursing mothers keep containers of extra breast milk in the refrigerator for late night emergencies. Fathers sometimes complain that their first cup of self-made early morning coffee tastes strange!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Revelation

The Flat Earth Society has finally admitted that the Earth may be a cube!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

People of a Certain Age

If your eligible for US Medicare (UK NHS) you meet a lot of new people with doctor before their names and -oligist, -ist and -surgeon after their names!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

President Obama asks Federal Agencies to Reexamine Regulations

Three farmers were hit by falling coconuts in Hawaii last year. The USDA has instituted a regulation that all US farmers must wear hard hats, even those growing tomatoes!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Political Times Have Changed

Democratic Senate Majority Leader Reid will block bringing the bill to repeal Obamacare to the floor of the Senate for an up or down vote. Didn't he complain when Republican's did that?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
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In the Limelight

Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi is to star in a Washington DC performance of Shakespeare's Macbeth. Guess witch role she will play?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Blame for High US Gasoline Prices

Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi blames high gasoline prices on USDOT Secretary Bush, EPA Secretary Bush, DOE Secretary Bush, DOI Secretary Bush and USDA Secretary Bush!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Don't Forget the Fortune Cookies

Anyone not invited to US President Obama's formal state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao is free to order Chinese take-out/take-away!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Translators Overlooked these Comments I

While welcoming Chinese President Hu Jintao in an outdoor ceremony, President Obama said we owe China $900 billion so he can stand here and freeze during the formal review!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Translators Overlooked these Comments II

While standing in the cold during an outdoor welcoming ceremony Chinese President Hu Jintao said President Obama has me out here freezing because the USA owes China $900 billion!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Rating:

Wasted Two Years

A new report says that college students learn very little their first two years at college. "Not true", they say. "We learned who to see and how much to pay to have our thesis & other writings done."

written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
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