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Rating:

Assange Awarded Bravery Medal

Julian Assange of WikiLeaks has been given a special Congressional Medal for his "outstanding bravery in the service of truth and freedom of speech on which all true democracy rests." Weird or what?

written by Auntie Matter, 11 January 2011
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Sarah Palin to announce new list of targets

Sarah Palin is set to announce a new set of targets for the January transfer window. Targets include Ronaldinho, David Beckham, Kaka and Lionel Messi.

written by Jack Melling, 11 January 2011
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Apple sues Ikea

Apple is suing Ikea over the I in its name. Apple claimed if it wanted to enter the furniture market this would pollute its brand image. Apple recently entered the clothing market with its iMac range

written by Mikethelad, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Ann Coulter Still Trying To Come Up With Barbarically Obscene Remarks About Rep. Gifford Shooting

Self loathing hatemonger knows no depths when seeking publicity for latest shitty book.

written by manbrad, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Willy The Wizard Case Takes a Dive

J.K.Rowling's lawyer and her agent Little's co-partner has announced that they are "delighted" with the dismissal of the WTW case against Scholastic. "Judge was great. They don't come any dumber."

written by Auntie Matter, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Miley "The Bongmeister" Cyrus Has Accomplished Something Good (Finally).

Miley Cyrus has stated that she is really proud of herself because she has not gone anywhere near a 'bong' within 72 hours.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
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Where Oh Where Is Dennis Rodman?

In The Where Are They Now Department: Former NBA champion rebounder Dennis "The Hair" Rodman is baking biscuits at a Marie Callenders Restaurant in Des Moines, Iowa.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Natalie Maines of The Dixie Chicks Should Just Have Kept Her Big Fat Mouth Shut!

The Dixie Chicks recently performed at The Rip Van Winkle Senior Citizens Home in Busted Britches, Arkansas, before a crowd of six people, three of which fell asleep during their first song.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Ann Coulter Can Still "Giddy Up" And Run With The Best (Horses)

The talk on the street is that over the Christmas holidays GOP mouthpiece Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter received over 200 gifts which totalled over 900 pounds of oats.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Where Oh Where Is Andy Dick?

In The Where Are They Now Department: Former comedian, and that term is used extremely loosely, Andy Dick has taken over Ted "The Homeless Man" Williams' homeless sign spot in Columbus, Ohio.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Bomb squad trying to diffuse Italian man

Italian man who sneezed bullet from nose now suspected terrorist.Docs find grenade in throat, acid-gun in eyes and live mortars in bowels. Desperate efforts underway to stop him coughing or farting.

written by Big Bunny News, 11 January 2011
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Goat-headed China man further sign of Apocalypse

As fears of Armageddon rise, the 2nd Messiah and Voice of God Ted Williams has been sent to China to fight the China man man with a horn in his head, who may be the Anti-Christ

written by Big Bunny News, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Queen puts on Doc Martins about Kate's brand name

Queen says that Beefeaters stormed M&S and ransacked C&A today as a first warning that she will kick the shit out of any shops selling Middleton brand

written by Big Bunny News, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Euromillions winner gives back winning ticket

Winner of 25 Million Euro lottery prize gives back ticket as bus fare to get from Blackpool to Brussels to collect prize now costs more than winnings following Euro devaluation

written by Mikethelad, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Taoiseach Brian Cowen to appear on TV

Taoiseach of Eire, Brian Cowen has confirmed that he will be taking part in the BBC's "Cash in the Attic" new series to be filmed in Dublin. All proceeds will go to paying off the German loans.

written by Mikethelad, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Most Statues in City are White

Thousands of fish washed up in Chicago. "We were hoping that the pigeons would drop", says Mayor.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
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France Biggest Ally?

France is our biggest ally, declares Obama: President's blow to Special Relationship with Britain. So now we know why we're in retreat around the world.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

RBS CEO Stephen Hester donates Bonus

RBS CEO in dramatic turnaround gave all his bonus of $10Million to Charity. His other 2 daughters, Hope and Faith received nothing after their Youtube bathtime video with Saracens Rugby Club aired.

written by Mikethelad, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Cameron sacks West Ham boss

David Cameron fired Avram Grant, Manager of West Ham United today explaining with all the financial cutbacks, there will be an increase of 3x in tuition fees and all Grants must be cut immediately

written by Mikethelad, 11 January 2011
Rating:

North Sudan to hold referendum

After the South Sudan vote to break away and form a separate country, North Sudan has decided to hold a vote too.
"We won't be told what to do by the South" said a spokesman for the True North Party.

written by Mikethelad, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Pornographic attack on U Tube!

U Tube have been attacked by "liberate porno on U Tube" demonstrators. The showing of Lady Ga Ga's bum, killing animals, Elton John's bum (?), etc, are OK, but porno's never!

written by Jaggedone, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Bailey: O J Innocent

F. Lee Bailey: Paper, Ouija Board, Magic 8-Ball all prove OJ Simpson's innocence.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
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According to WikiGrapevine

Report: New secret spy plane tested in California desert...or so we have heard.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Clinton in Yemen

Clinton in Yemen to press counterterror efforts, support human rights for Yewomen.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Green Blob in Space #2

The Hubble Space Telescope got its first peek at a mysterious giant green blob in outer space and found that it's strangely alive. Admit that only message received thus far is "We are Green Blob!"

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
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Trump Has Platform for 2012

Donald Trump says he has a platform for President in 2012 . Many volunteer to furnish the rope.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
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Giant Green Blob

Hubble telescope zeroes in on green blob in space. "It looks like one giant hocker", says scientist.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Progress Bar conference

The conference for developers who write progress bars will be held in ten minutes, no, two weeks, no in thirty minutes, no it will be tomorrow. It will last five days, no two hours, no a week...

written by IainB, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Australian Floods - cricket team blamed

The Australian Cricket team has been blamed for the floods in Queensland. It is claimed that they had been doing an Aboriginal rain dance in an attempt not to lose the Ashes, but they mistimed it.

written by IainB, 11 January 2011
Rating:

A Male Mormon In Utah Can Have Seven Wives But He Can't Say A Certain Phrase

The Mormon state of Utah has outlawed the use of the grammatical term 'dangling participle' because of the obvious sexual overtone.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Romeo and Juliet Has A Ring To It That Is Ringable

Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet was originally titled Juliet and Romeo but the typesetter at the book printers messed up due to being sloshingly drunk at the time.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Hello e.e. cummings, Why The Small (Type) Face?

Modern day poet e.e. cummings says that the reason for the lower casing of his name is twofold. One he is very insecure and two his typewriter's upper casing function is broken.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Chicago By Any Other Name Smells Just As Oniony?

The name Chicago was not taken from the wild onions that grew wild there. The name derived from the little cubs that used to hang around bothering the settlers. The cubs were known as Chicago Cubs.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

The Most Amazing Thing To Soon Be Found In Kamgooganda

New York City has so much snow that it is selling some of it to the African country of Kamgooganda who has stated they will be putting in a ski slope to attract Scandinavian big game hunters.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Redwing Blackbird Air Disaster :

Why was there no black bird-box on the flight ? Or was it
removed by sinister 'first responders' sent to Arkansas crash site? Next series of 'Mayday' to include episode on Beebe air disaster!

written by Tommy Twinkle, 11 January 2011
Rating:

FDA Gets Execution Drug for States

AP Enterprise: FDA helps states get new execution drug as old one found to cause cancer.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

No Smoking Enforced

Bhutan police raid homes to stub out smoking habit...ignore maps of bomb-makers!

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Lots of Good Stuff Here!

Earliest known winery found in Armenian cave. "I kept telling the boss we should have advertised more", says employee.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

What Peacekeepers?

UN peacekeepers flee Ivory Coast neighborhood, booed and hissed all the way!

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Not Used to Icy Roads Here

Frozen South: Could be days before thaw comes. "We'll get by" says Atlanta mayor as he studies 10,000 car pile-up on I-75.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Hubble telescope zeroes in on green blob in space!

Green blob in space giving birth to new stars, according to astronomers. Now study switches to exactly where Lady gaga came from.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Nutty as Fruitcake

Nation gets its first look at Arizona shooting suspect, not a pretty sight, as Tucson grieves.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

I Knew Something Was UP!

New Jersey casinos end fourth straight bad year, down 9.6%. Now you know why there won't be any big winners this year.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Protests Over Gay-Only Toilets In Brazil!

Most people are asking: How do they know that the toilets are gay?

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Az. Shooter Had Made Threats!

Suspect in Saturday's shooting rampage in which a U.S. congresswoman was critically wounded was unstable & had made death threats in the past, the local sheriff said. So why wasn't he being watched?

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Obama to Tucson

Obama to travel to Tucson... all-out alert goes out to border guards to watch Mexican drug lords, US crazies.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Campaign Promises Bullshit

Vice President Joe Biden says that American troops would stay in Afghanistan beyond 2014 if the Afghans wanted them to. Explains that all campaign promises are bullshit. "Everyone should know that!"

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

NHS Only Answer?

Feds to decide what benefits health insurers must cover. Health insurers to go into other businesses should pre-conditions be included. "We cannot insure someone with Alzheimers against Alzheimers!"

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

The Green Blob

Hubble telescope zeroes in on green blob in space...so don't laugh at that old horror movie just yet.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Watching TV Dangerous?

Study: Watching TV 'damages the heart'...especially citizen-robbing politicians, soaps.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Home Grown Crazies?

Male model: I castrated journalist to rid him of 'homosexual demons'. Looks like all the crazies are not only in North Korea, Iran.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Round #2 Coming Up?

Widespread Snowstorm Takes Aim on the Northeast. Bloomberg warns workers against another strike against clearing streets.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
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Pot Head?

Arizona shooter described by classmate as 'Left-Wing Pothead'. Head actually resembles chamber pot.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
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Shooter Smiles in Court

Arizona Shooter Smirks in Court, Smiles for Mug Shot. "Devil made him do it. Seems like Charles Manson has a new buddy.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
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Fortress of Solitude Destroyed!

Superman's sanctuary is the latest victim of global warming. The Fortress of Solitude was swamped by rising sea levels. Superman made it out alive, however he doesn't have insurance.

written by ESB, 11 January 2011
Rating:

People Don't Like Being Stabbed

A new survey finds that most Americans don't like being stabbed. An overwhelming 97% responded negatively to the idea.

written by ESB, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Bad Winter Weather Caused By Shrinking Polar Ice Caps

All that snow had to go somewhere.

written by Hawking's Chair, 11 January 2011
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Police Looking for Killer Tornado

Officers tried to handcuff the twister but it got away. Police also looking for a tornado that allegedly sexually assaulted a woman.

written by ESB, 11 January 2011
Rating:

People in Hell Don't Want Ice Water!

Regular water makes more sense. Point out ice would melt too quickly thus negating the entire point of ice.

written by ESB, 11 January 2011
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ESPN to Run SportsCenter Twenty Four Hours a Day

In order words, no change in programming.

written by ESB, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Any House Drain Cleaner Will Do

AP IMPACT: Meth flourishes despite tracking laws. Could it he that it is because there are hundreds of recipes?

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

What is this Stuff?

Southerners struggle to dig out from heavy two-inch snow. Entire cities close down.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Politics as Usual?

Obama, Boehner face leadership test after shooting. Liberal TV news media and Conservative Talk Radio already blaming each other.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

Why Not Share?

Swine flu survivors developed super flu antibodies. In case you were wondering about all the costumes and capes.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

California Dreaming

California's Brown proposes "painful" budget cuts: Starting February 1st, you MUST pass around and share all joints equally.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

More Madness in Mexico

Man slain on Acapulco highway; 31 dead in 4 days as Mexican violence threatens to spill over into US, vice versa.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
Rating:

New Boss, Same as the Old Boss (Very Same)

Brown seeks 5-year extension of California taxes as "Old Tax & Spend" begins his term as his last one ended.

written by Bureau, 11 January 2011
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