Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 8 February 2011
Japan Declares NO FRY Zone
After making light of the atomic bombs on QI, Stephen Fry has abandoned his plans to visit Japan for a documentary. In case of a revenge attack, the Japanese embassy have decclared it a NO FRY zone.
Liz Hurley's Brazilian Wazing Shame.
Yanks were not amused by saucy Liz saying, "Not all deforestation is bad" and comparing the loss of trees in the Rainforest to having a Brazilian Wax Treatment. Miss Hurley lated Tweeted, "Lighten Up"
Dating Tip For Guys #2
Dating Tip For Guys #2: If your girlfriend can do the splits and grip a basketball with one hand she is definitely a "Keeper."
You Say Kardashian - Latin America Says Something Else Altogether!
The reality show Growing Up Kardashian is known as Growing Up With The 'Nalgonas' (Big Assed Women) in the Latin American television markets.
Idaho - The Land of Some Powerful Potatoes
Idaho is known as The Potato Capital of The World. The state legislature has just enacted a bill making it a minor felony for any Idaho resident caught without at least one potato in his home.
Bristol Palin Proves The Old Adage - Like Mother, Like Daughter
Bristol Palin, who now lives in Arizona, told her mom that she can see Canada from her backyard porch.
Beware Of Improperly Cooked Zebra Stripes
The World Citizens Health Organization has stated that cooking zebra stripes improperly could result in temporary loss of hearing, slurring of words that begin with the letters "SH," and dandruff.
Good News - The Dacia Sandero is coming to the UK
Top bosses at Dacia have confirmed that the Dacia Sandero will be marketed in the UK. Reports of James May (Top Gear, BBC) dancing around in his underwear have not been confirmed yet.
Burglar Struck By Lightning Charged
Things went doubly wrong for have-a-go burglar Harvey Nichols,23,who tried to rob a local Nat West Bank in a thunderstorm.He got a right belt from a bolt as he tried to escape and was caught outside.
It's A Small World
International News just in,and after years of research Harvard Scientists have confirmed there are only actually 3 kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.
Man Actually Reads Smallprint
Astonished staff at Carphone Warehouse in Milton Keynes were left gobsmacked when a customer actually read the smallprint to his contract.One assistant admitted she'd never seen that happen before.
Stevie ain't no wonder
"Shit for brains, basically" was singer Stevie Wonder's reply to questions why people bother listening to his latest release. The blind crooner believes it is his worst music since he started.
Cameron to resign
Great Britain Prime Minister, David Cameron, will resign from office effective tomorrow. He says that he can't stand the overpowering smell of haggis at number 10 left by his predecessor, Gordon Brown
Boyle does it again
In breaking news, Jennifer Lopez has resigned as a judge on American Idol, to be replaced by none other than Susan Boyle. The wee Scot is beside herself with joy. "Oh, Lordy me, its grouse!"
Japanese Embraces New Sport: Competitive Hole Digging
The Japanese are embracing a new sport: competitive hole digging. A contingent is coming to England in a bid to learn from the current world champions at digging holes: David Cameron and Nick Clegg.
Obama scares human race with UFO statement.
President Obama has ruled out any possibility of there ever being public disclosure regarding the UFO subject saying 'The truth about UFO'S is far too awful for it to ever be revealed to the public'.
Denise Van Outen "So Happy"
Denise Van Outen and husband Lee Mead are celebrating the birth of their first child.
Denise said she was "ecstatic" following the birth of daughter Camper, who is to take her mother's surname.
Al Gore Latest
POLICE are to investigate claims that Al Gore groped a massage therapist in a hotel in 2006.
A documentary is also being planned, provisionally titled "An Allegedly Inconvenient Truth".
Mel Gibson Latest
Hollywood actor Mel Gibson has landed a cameo role in the sequel to Hangover.
Or, perhaps, that should read ....."Gibson has landed a hangover role in the sequel to Cameo".
Mubarak, space cadet
Hosni Mubarak, President of Egypt, has announced that he is embarking on a manned space flight courtesy of the European Space Agency. Mubarak will fly solo into earth's orbit and stay there forever.