Spoof news snippets from Monday 7 February 2011
Spoof Writers of the world UNITE
SORRY, THAT WAS A TYPO....IT SHOULD HAVE READ.....SPOOF WRITERS OF THE WORLD 'UNTIE'.
I would give anyone of you the very shirt off my back
But I don't wear shirts.
I am here to help anyone who needs me for anything
You just have to FIND me first.
Do you suffer from 'piles'?
Then spread them all out in one single layer and you will be cured. Simple innit?
I've just had a wonderful idea
but I have short term memory loss and have already forgotten what it was...
If at first you don't succeed
Then put your teeth back in and 'chew' them.
Snippet for the dyslexic readers of The Spoof
ih who rea yoo lal donning? Comewell her to Spuf hsand
injoe shat wost ew rity
Do you want to know what to do with those single socks you keep taking out of your washing machine or dryer?
Then read The Isle of Wight News - the story about the Single Sock Pairing Social which is taking place in Newby Village. This is an innovative idea coming out of the Isle of Wight.
Cross Party Agreement On UK Rule!
In a cross party Commons statement both Tory and Labour leaders, David Cameron and Ed Milliband, have concluded that the Bank of England actually runs the "British" economy via the USA via Area 51.
That's Gotta Hurt
A man in Cornwall brought tears to his eyes when he got totally confused after a ' medicinal smoking session' and wiped his arse with a rhino rather than a tissue.
It's easily done said his friend.
Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has said he has "got off" in the accusations made against him saying "the leaks from my penis are so intense, been put to death by the US would be my ultimate orgasm."
Talentless Cotton Denial
That top broadcaster and music expert Fearn Cotton today furiously denied that she has no talent other than looking okay on telly.'It's my mate Holly Willoughby who's the one with NO talent.'
Sky Atlantic Hacked by Disgrunted and Clever Virgin Users
LONDON - At the HQ of BSkyB, alarm bells were ringing as the Sky Atlantic channel gets hacked by smart-ass Virgin Media users on super-fast broadband. "Suck on our connection speeds Murdoch!"
British Rail Late: Queen Furious
HM Queen Elizabeth caught the train back from Norwich to London today after her Christmas holiday break at Sandringham. It is at least one month since Christmas and it will be Easter very shortly.
Is Berlusconi Going Deaf?
Italian premier, Silvio Berlusconi, could be going deaf it has been reported today. Apparently, he had heard on the news that there were hoardes demonstrating in Tahnir Square, Cairo and immediately flew there for a look.
The marathon runner who thought he had run a Marathon every day of the year has been told he cannot win the advertised prize of Lemon for the achievement. He has to run the Marathon's in a Leap Year!
Fight Fire with Fire
The New York fire department has abandoned its attempts to fight fire with fire, and have instead returned to using water. "It's more effective," said one fireman.
Fire hits Rio de Janeiro's Nude Carnival.
Several brazilians singed.
Uproar in Court at Assange's challenge to Judge
'Well, your Ladyship, would you fancy being banged-up in Sweden...?'
Archbishop leads UK government prayers for al-Megrahi.
To die as soon as possible.
Christina Aguilera denies being 'Fluffer'.
'She was when I knew her' says Ron Jeremy.
God Likes Rock Music
It would appear that the Good Lord likes rock music - especially Irish bands. He has called guitarist Gary Moore to be reunited with Phil Lynnott for that 'Great Gig in the Sky.'
Thin Lizzy to Be Renamed
The Irish rock band Thin Lizzy will be renamed following the death of guitarist Gary Moore. It will now be known as "Even Thinner Lizzy."
Big Society Falls Over
With a great crash and the escape of hot air the Big Society has fallen over. Efforts to bring the object back to life are being hampered by cuts into its body and the removal of its vital parts.
Cameron Crackdown on Extremism
Most of David Cameron's cabinet has been sacked in the crackdown on extremism in Britain. Jeremy Hunt complained that he was being sinled out because of BBC conspiracy against him.
So Farewell, Gary Moore
But that Parisienne Walkways sustain will sustain for ever!
Investigation - David Cameron has been hacked!
Police today called at Downing Street, in response to claims that David Cameron had been hacked into.
They took away the Prime Ministers Etch-a-Sketch for analysis.
Glenn Beck Added to Errorist Watch List
Homeland Security notes "disturbing pattern of misinformation regarding the President, the Cabinet and the Middle East."