Spoof news snippets from Saturday 5 February 2011
Nina Dobrev to present Scream Awards 2011 with Ian Somehalder
Nina Dobrev has revealed that she is to host the Scream Awards 2011 with Vampire Diaries co-star , Ian Somerhalder . She recently admitted that she is dating Ian , so all Nian fans are freaking out !!
Posh Spice Pregnant!
" I cant wait to lose some weight, and get back into figure. I may even let somebody have the privilage of carrying the baby for me. For a price, of course"
Victorias dog refused to comment.
Cairo's Tahnir Square Prayers Disrupted: 2 Dead, Hundreds Evacuated
Friday prayer time in Tahnir Square, Cairo was disrupted by a single flatulent worshipper who caused the deaths of two people, hundreds had to make a quick exit.
Man In Paracetamol Overdose Feels Better
Great news this morning when a young man Rich Pickings,23,from Somerset attempted a paracetamol overdose but after two of the tablets felt a lot better.
'I feel fine' said Rich
Israel To Build New Settlements
To house the fleeing Middle-Eastern dictators who might come seeking asylum.
Doughnut Maker Fed Up of Hole Business
Master Baker Clive Battenburg is quitting his doughnut restaurant because he is sick and tired of the 'hole' business.
'People don't appreciate the skill involved in making holes any more' he said.
British Rail Ban Platform Shoes For Railway Workers
British Rail spokesman Chester Field this morning announced they are to ban all staff from wearing platform or stack heeled type shoes after a speight of ankle related injuries.'Flats only' he said.
Rasta Mouse Leaks Details On Twitter
Rasta Mouse was today accused of leaking sensitive information on twitter about troubles in Egypt. Rasta Mouse said:
"A'Bandu bloodclot gimme bloodfire. Ya' informa a'jester jah know"
Racist Demands An End To Thai-Cambodian Violence
"The fact that they're killing each other contradicts my superior theory that they all look alike. Clearly,they can tell the difference. We demand an end to this contradiction ASAP!"-Consummate Racist
US Relents, Offers To Throw Students In Jail
Tired of rants from the Indian MEA about human rights the US offered to remove the inhumane radio anklets from illegal immigrants posing as students,and throw them in a crowed jail full of gangbangers
Egyptian Tourist Reports Gathering of Thousands in Bangalore
Visiting Egyptian tourist reports "peaceful gathering of thousands" in Bangalore road, with people muttering against the government. Mayor asks him to, "Calm the fuck down,we call it a traffic jam".
Egypt: Protester Hit By Camel Toe
Search is on for the rest of the camel.
Concrete Rabbits' Feet thrown at Tahrir Square protestors...
as Mubarak begins 'Charm Offensive'
Ice and Snow in Dallas for Super Bowl Weekend
Rumors that the bad weather was sent there by the NY Jets, just because they didn't make it to the Super Bowl, are unfounded.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Sarah Palin and Bristol Palin are hoping to trademark their names.
A Celebrity Breakup in Reverse?
Barbie and Ken may be getting back together. Oy!
So Long, It's Been Good to Know You
As Egyptian President Mubarak packs his bags, he channels Woody Guthrie.