Spoof news snippets from Monday 28 February 2011
3 dead after blind Conga line leader Congas off bridge
Blind man and dance enthusiast Dan Klien was leading a Conga line late last night when he danced his way off a bridge, the first few people following him. Witnesses said as he fell he kept great form.
Easter Bunny coming out with tell all book just in time for Easter
Covering everything from losing a front tooth in a bar fight to the 2002 arrest and conviction for breaking and entering, it's posed to outsell Rudolphs "Red nosed" outlining his struggle with cocaine
Bulimic Anonymous is to be moved to 7pm, after the Anorexia Nervosa clinic as they always get too much food in. We need to be out by 8 sharp as the OCD group want to clean the room.
Obama gives new troop withdrawal deadline.
It seems president Obama has releases to the press a date of April 1st for complete troop withdrawal from all war zones.
Old lady from the shoe imprisoned.
She was imprisoned for child abuse. The shoe was in disarray, the children were given water and bread for every meal and then beaten before being forced to bed. Her defense? She didnt know what to do.
Prostitute, 30 day risk free trial?
A prostitute recently became an organ donor.The organ?Her Vagina. The crafty street walker can now legally have customers try out her gift organ before deciding if they want to own it upon her demise.
Scotland Rugby Crisis
Scotland, hot favourites for the rugby wooden spoon , have 6 players on the treatment table after defeat to Ireland.
Unfortunately, they're all likely to recover in time for Twickenham.
Ashley Cole goes amok!
Ashley Cole grabbed an air rifle and was just about to go amok before an idiot student asked him how Cheryl was, Ashley replied shot the clown in the leg and then broke down in tears, wimp!
Osbourne Rates King's Speech
Ozzie Osbourne went to see the King's Speech last night. His verdict: "It was 'King billiant!"
Date War Feared
Tunisian Dates are threatening the trade in Dates from Israel. The peace process is breaking down despite Saint Blair of Libya's efforts to put his birthday forward as a means of avoiding a Date War.
A New Ireland will be replacing the old one. An advertising campaign promoting the newness of new Ireland will copy the success of York which recently became New York.
Liverpool, the city which has a football team which lost 3-1 to West Ham, has been punished by having its Budget cut. Aintree football ground will be sold off to pay for essential services.
HSBC Sees Double
The Holiday Sex Bankers Corporation (HSBC) has doubled its sexual conquests reported in the last financial year. Protests by envious Greens, who think things should be shared more fairly have flopped.
The shock of the night was Oscar Wilde declaring that if any more celebrities tried to suck his cock he would refuse to allow his name to be used for the Oscars next year.
Gaddafi Gives Up
Mounting pressure on Libyan Dictator Gaddafi has led to him giving up. 'I can't take another call from Tony Blair. Anything is better than that. Britain how did you not rise up against this bore?'
Protests in China
Protestors gathered in Tinnamen Square, China to demonstrate against Libyan human rights abuses. Chinese leader Hy Po Crite declared shooting your own people was the worst and most disgraceful crime.
China has been smashed and the Potking capital is trying to put things together again. Russia is rushing assistance and Potland is helping. The UN is sending a delegation of cups and saucers.
A Blog, Criminet.com by members of the criminal fraternity is giving tips on how to carry out a variety of crimes. Former MP's are thought to be behind the Blog.
The latest gimmick from the Women's Insitute is the comic strip. They tell jokes from Spoof's Jokes section to accompany their disrobing. Customers make donations to charity to watch the show.
The Trees Don't Need To Know
In what turned out to be quite a selfish act really, the whispering grass has decided not to tell the trees because the trees don't need to know.
Tears Of A Clown
It's now official,there are indeed some sad things known to man but there isn't too much sadder than, the tears of a clown.
McCartney Ballet For New York
An EP is out now as a taster for Paul McCartney's first ballet score :
The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Billy Elliot
Please Plier Me
Carry That Weight
Why Don't We Do It In The Rond ?