Spoof news snippets from Thursday 24 February 2011
Run Vanessa Run
Roly-Poly daytime Presenter Vanessa Feltz wasn't always fat.When she was three she only weighed 6 ounces and her Parents and Relatives thought she was wasting away.They sometimes couldn't find her.
QI quizmaster and all-round Mr Nice Guy Stephen Fry invented the Fry's Chocolate Cream Bar that bears his name.
'Only the mint one though',said Stephen.'The Five Fruit flavoured one is an imposter.'
Dog turns up to School Without Homework
...claims owner ate it.
Woman Writes Snippet
..Man claims hers is just as bad and humourless as his.
Man Writes Snippet
..Woman thinks she'd do better.
Bangalore police hit Indian fans for a "Six"!
Rioting Indian cricket fans had a game of cricket with local police today, the fans bowled first with anything they could get their hands on and the police hit back and knocked them all for a "six"!
Marseille and Man Utd were both doped!
Marseille and Man Utd were both doped during last nights Chumpions league game. Rooney was even seen having forty-winks on the half-way line. Suspicions aroused after neither team had a shot at goal!
English FA Pay Shock!
Under new Big Society FA pay guideline talks between David Cameron and David Bernstein, all Engish FA registered footballers will start playing for nothing come the 2011-2012 season.
Wisconsin land of cheese, milk and honey ?
Well I guess the unions are in a great upset as the State of Wisconsin cuts back on its union as they cutt the cheese with so many things ?
Alligator Found behind Sofa in Brazil
The amphibious reptile was found behind a sofa in Brazil, today. Meanwhile another alligator was discovered to be made into a handbag in neighbouring Argentina.
Bank of England Crisis
The Governor of the Bank of England is receiving advice on composing his love letters to the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Agony Aunt, Melissa Mudd, is advising on how to avoid a broken heart.
JLS Have Lucky Escape
Boy band JLS had a lucky escape at the NME Awards when they were pipped to 'The Worst Band' Award by Jonas Brothers.
An NME spokesman said 'They're still Shite though!'
Doctor caught out
"If he comes in again, I'll break..." declared Doctor Ian Winston-Jones, a anti violence campaigner trying to discourage an ex employee from protesting his dismissal from the Doctor's practice. Mmmm.
Burn baby burn
"So why bother, should just let you all burn!" cried a fire fighter from Essex to people refusing to evacuate as a large warehouse blaze threatened to consume their home. "Bleedin' morons!" he added.
Cameron and diplomacy, strange bedfellows.
"That canned beef tasted like s..t" said Prime Minister David Cameron on a visit to an Egyptian food processing plant. He further added that the contents of his backside were cleaner than this "hole"
Andy Pops His Clogs
Sad news from the Entertainment World, children's favourite Andy Pandy has passed away at the age of 137 still dressed in his blue romper suit and clogs.
'He's had a good run' said his Mum Irene.
Popular 'Take Hart' funny man and Tony Hart sidekick Morph is to be immortalised in his home town of Letchworth with an 8ft statue made from plasticine.
'He's a great lad,he deserves it' said Tony.
It's Friday,It's Five To Five & It's Crackerjack
Popular 70's children's programme is to make a long overdue return with Vernon Kay as the host and James Corden playing the Peter Glaze Funnyman role.
'It's going to be great' said Corden's Mum Rita.