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Rating:

Census Not Complete?

Cosmic census finds crowd of planets in our galaxy. However, Snorps say they haven't been counted yet.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Guns On Campus

Texas poised to pass bill allowing guns on campus! "Go ahead, Punk. Do my math!"

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

The Big Society To Take-Over 999 Emergency Line

'In future, 999 calls will be routed to a random member of the public,' confirmed a Home Office spokesperson. 'Hopefully that person will be able to come up with some kind of help.'

written by Swan Morrison, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Gadhafi: I Haven't Gotten Out in Awhile

Today Egyptians complained that since they ran off their leaders they don't have anything to do. Meanwhile in Libya, General Gadhafi stated that he would resign if President Reagan would.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Protests new to Gadhafi

"Is it my smile? It's my hair! Yes, that's it! Call the royal barber!" (You had him beheaded!)

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
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Over Saddam's Head!

Donald Rumsfeld, appearing on CNN's "State of the Union," said that if Bush administration had known there were no WMDs in Iraq, it probably wouldn't have invaded. "Just lobbed a few daisy cutters,"

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

A-Qaida Knows "Nothing"

Al-Qaida, Germany's Sergeant Shultz say they know "Nothing, Nothing!" about middle-east protests.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
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Libyan Protests Continue

Protests new to Gadhafi. Told "they're asking for your head" he replies "Do I have another?"

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
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"We'll Never Sort Them Out": Police Captain

D.C. rally for Libyans, Egyptians, Palestians, Israelis, Yemenis, Union workers, Tea Party turns violent!

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Wife Swapping Parties Dissed

The male inhabitants of Upfield, Oregon have hit on a less immoral alternative to wife swapping parties.

They leave their women on the table in the middle of the floor and take home their car keys.

written by grimbo, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Unrest in 15 Countries

Libya, Yemen, China crack down on protesters; Bahrain pulls back it's tank!

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
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Kamasutra Update

The Kamasutra, earliest manual on sexual behaviour, has been updated to reflect modern day practices.

Previously most popular position 69 has been replaced by 72 - that's 69 with 3 people watching.

written by grimbo, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Ted Williams

Does anyone still remember him....besides me that is!

written by Lady Godiva, 20 February 2011
Rating:

ER Comes to the U.K.

Award winning U.S. hospital drama E.R. has been franchised out worldwide and BBC Southwest is planning to base the U.K. version in Bath, Somerset.

Its to be called Ooo Arr.

written by grimbo, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Katie Price To Walk Highwire At Battersea

Sorry, Helen Skelton. That should read, Helen Skelton. Off Blue Peter.

written by Skoob1999, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Libyans Protest In London

That'll really make Gadaffi sit up and take notice...

written by Skoob1999, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Trouble in Iran

Huge police presence blocks large demos in Tehran. "This wasn't supposed to happen HERE", says Ahmadinejad.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Liquorice Allsorts

Popular British Sweets 'Liquorice Allsorts' were invented in 1736 in Bradford, but because liquorice was in short supply they were originally made out of coloured play-doh and rubber offcuts.

written by Mr Goster, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Buy Or Die?

"Buy everything" sentiment continues. "We can't afford not to", say investors.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Cats Eyes

The man who invented Cats Eyes, Jeff Radish originally used real cats eyes. Things went great for a couple of weeks until people started noticing that all the cats in his village were blind.

written by Mr Goster, 20 February 2011
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The Tea Party Comes to Town

The Tea Party has come to challenge Union protesters in Madison, Wisconsin. Sarah Palin rode through last night riding a horse and waving a lantern.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Monkey Business

Scientists have finally proven that a monkey left in a room with a typewriter will not write the complete works of Shakespeare.He will actually cover the room in excrement and wreck the typewriter.

written by Mr Goster, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Milliband - Tories should leave the empty political rhetoric to us!

"Big Society? Pah! Leave the empty political rhetoric to Labour! "Who can forget:'Tough on Crime, Tough on the causes of crime' 'Cool Britannia' or 'The Respect Agenda'? what was I saying again?

written by I think I'm funny..., 20 February 2011
Rating:

Not Funny After Tenth Time

Employee at Oak Ridge, Tennessee power plant says he's tired of hearing "Well, I gotta go take a radioactive leak".

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
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Radioactive Leak

Radioactive leak alert issued at South Korean nuclear power research center. Wind just happened to be blowing North.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Foot of Snow

New foot of snow to kick the Midwest's ass the next two days!

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

"Ski This Way, Girls!"

Michelle Obama, Daughters Hit the Slopes on Ski Vacation. Girls claim that ghost of Republican Sonny Bono tried to lure them into the woods.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Christmas Tree The Latest Victim

High winds in DC snap national Christmas tree. GOP, Dem Blowhards blame each other.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Bad headline number 80:

Students Hear Reptile Lecture

written by IN SEINE, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Chinese Protests

Internet postings call for protests in 13 cities as Chinese protesters hit the streets. Over 30 cities protested around the world. But some protest that there are more.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

FACT: Men have dirtier minds than women

Scientists have discovered why men have dirtier minds than women - a spokesman said that there is ample evidence that they change them more often.

written by IN SEINE, 20 February 2011
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Possible Polish Uprising?

It has been reported that Poland have bought over 2,000 septic tanks and when they have learned to drive them, they plan to invade Russia.

written by IN SEINE, 20 February 2011
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"It's Bu-Kay!"

Check the mailbox: Royal wedding invites posted. Hyacinth Bucket reportedly holding postal worker hostage.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Probably Some of Godzilla's Victims!

Japan to dig site linked to WWII human experiments even though Japan still denies that they are there.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Egypt Attempts To Get Back To Normal

Banks, pyramid tourist traps, reopen in Egypt after weeks of closure.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Star Wars!

The U.S. military needs to better protect its satellites, strengthen its ability to use them in the battlefield of space, as it becomes increasingly crowded & dangerous. Planet Earth rebelling?

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Bahrain opposition plots strategy!

Bahrain opposition plots strategy before talks but thus far, twelve different people say they are the spokesman for the group.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
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Guv. Says No to Compromise

Biggest protest yet fails to change opinion of Wisconsin lawmakers. "Bring it on!", says Governor.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

"Guessie" Identified

The big "Nessie" type creature that drove boaters off the Green River this Friday has turned out to be a 2,000-pound catfish. It had came up Mississippi River, into Ohio River and on into the Green.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

More Earths Out There

Cosmic census finds crowd of planets in our galaxy. "And protests going on on every single one", say Astronomers.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Gulf Oil Still Around

Scientist finds Gulf bottom still oily, dead. "It's still lying on the bottom floor", states scientists."It's BP's bottoms that need the oiling."

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Protests in China Also

China tries to stamp out 'Jazzman Revolution'. I'm sorry, that should be Jasmine Revolution'.

written by Bureau, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Wedding Invitations - Apply Here

For wedding invitations to attend the wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton send £300. Reply within 7 days and we will also send a piece of the wedding cake. Invitations printed to order.

written by j.w., 20 February 2011
Rating:

Fears grow for Muppet's Drummer 'Animal' in Bahrain's capital

Manama.

written by pinxit, 20 February 2011
Rating:

Meaningful Snippet Less Popular than Crappy Snippet

LONDON - As the snippet service registers hits, many intelligent snippets are being outvoted by bland snippets. Many smart writers are unhappy. Boo hoo.

written by Inhopeless, 20 February 2011
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